


I Can't Remember

by im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5SOS On Tour, 5sos cake - Freeform, Adult Content, Alcohol, Anal Sex, Attempted Seduction, Awkward After Sex Moments, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Bottom Luke, Boys Kissing, Bromance, Cake, Cigarettes, Continuous Drunken Sex, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Dramaqueen!Luke, Drinking Games, Drunk Ashton, Drunk Calum, Drunk Kissing, Drunk Luke, Drunk Michael, Drunk Sex, Dumb Luke, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Grumpy!Luke, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Luke Talking To Himself, M/M, Mashton Banters, Masturbation, Michael Being A Dick, Oblivious!Calum, Observant Michael, Pining, Romance, Romantic Friendship, Sex Tapes, Sexual Tension, Smut, Team Mashton, Teasing, Top Calum, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, cake hoodings, can't remember, confused, otp, secret feelings, slowly falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4331226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance/pseuds/im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up naked next to your best friend is not good but waking up naked next to your best friend and being the only one who remembers is worst. That was happened to Luke Hemmings. Maybe he would have forgotten about it if it happened once but that was not the case. And what were those weird feelings that he was experimenting all the time? He could not be attracted to Calum... that was impossible since he has known Calum all his life. He was definitely going crazy...</p><div class="center">
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	1. Last Night Was A Blur

Luke stirred in his sleep when a hand hit the side of his face. A hand? He turned around and looked at the figure lying beside him, with half-closed eyes. He did not remember going to bed with anybody. Heck! He did not even remember getting back to the hotel. It all seemed like a blur to him, until he turned to his right and flipped the lamp on before turning back to look at the person lying next to him. Calum? Calum was in bed with him? Something at the back of his head kept telling him that he was naked under the blanket and Luke quickly glanced at Calum. His eyes trailed down Calum’s naked back and just to reassure himself, he slowly lifted the covers and peeked inside. Calum was naked as well.

“Holy fuck!” Luke muttered. What did they do? Luke pressed a palm to his forehead, trying to recall what had happened.

**…:::FLASHBACK:::…**

Luke pressed his eyes tightly together, re-opening them and blinking a few times. He looked at the beer in his hand, his seventh beer that evening, and suppressed a yawn. He was tired and had wanted to stay back and sleep but the other lads wanted to go clubbing and literally dragged him along. He should be mad at them for taking him out and then leaving him on his own but Luke decided to ignore that option and head back to the hotel instead. Downing the rest of his beer, Luke scanned the room for a familiar face. He got up from the bar stool and made his way to his bandmate when he noticed Calum leaning against the wall in a corner, a brunette by his side, in his arm.

“Can I talk to you?” Luke asked when he was beside him.

“What?” Calum laughed. “I can’t hear you.”

Luke sighed and pulled Calum away from the girl, “Can I talk to you?”

Calum again laughed. “You already are talking to me, Lucas.”

“I’m going back to the hotel. I’m tired.”

“Aw, you are no fun, Luke.” Calum leant closer to poke Luke in the cheek with his finger but lost his balance and crashed into Luke, laughing when the younger one steadied him.

“We should get you back as well.”

“What? No… we just got here.”

“No, that was two hours ago. Come on, let’s go.”

“No, get away from me,” Calum pushed Luke away and turned on his heels to go back to Emma or was it Elsa? He did not take more than two steps in the opposite direction when he tripped on his own foot and Luke caught him again.

“That’s it, you’re coming with me.”

Somehow, after exiting the club, Luke had managed to keep Calum by his side and get a cab. The ride back to the hotel was a quiet one, with Calum sticking his bottom lip out, in a pout; a behaviour that Luke chose to ignore. He was tired, his head was buzzing from all the beers that he had had and all he wanted to do was sleep. Once he had settled the cab fare, Luke flung Calum’s arm around his shoulders and wrapped an arm around his friend’s waist, entering the lobby and making their way upstairs. Luke closed the door behind them and walked to one of the beds. Carefully, he dropped Calum on the mattress and got rid of the boy’s shoes. The blond turned to look at Calum’s face, his eyes were closed and cheeks flushed, and Luke leant in to push some stray hair that were stuck to the older lad’s forehead.

“Stay with me, Lucas,” Calum wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist.

“Let go of me,” Luke struggled to get out of Calum’s hold but the other had a strong grip around him. “Hold on, I’ll get my shoes off.”

“No, you’re lying. You’ll run away the moment I’ll let go.”

“No, I won’t.”

Luke sighed as he got rid of his shoes and socks. Calum was drunk, drunker than he himself was actually, and it would only be a matter of minutes before the other would fall asleep; that would be the best time for Luke to leave, instead of arguing and leaving. Before he knew it, Calum again wrapped his arms around Luke and pulled him on top of himself. Luke let out a grunt when the side of his face crashed into Calum’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and sighed when Calum again laughed, though sleepily that time. A couple of minutes passed and his eyes were heavy with sleep. That was his cue; he should leave. Calum was probably asleep already since Luke could feel his slow steady breathing against his ear. However, before he could move, Calum rolled them to the other side of the bed, so that he was lying on top of Luke.

“I’m sleepy… let me go to my room,” Luke mumbled against Calum’s neck, convinced that the other was a mind-reader of some sort.

“Aww, the baby’s schleepy? Sleep then, little baby,” Calum raised his head and smooched Luke’s forehead.

“Dick!”

The brunette hummed, thrusting his hips against Luke’s.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m horny…”

Luke again sighed; Calum always did those weird things to them when he was in certain moods, to annoy them and he always succeeded. Leaning on his elbows, Calum looked at Luke, who had his eyes closed, and kneed his legs apart, thus bringing their crotch closer as he kept rubbing against the younger lad.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

Luke whispered as the heat rushed through his body; he had been so busy lately that he had not even had time to himself and a particular part of his body craved for attention, attention which it was receiving from his mate. Luke opened his eyes and looked at Calum, who was close, so close; too close. His body was reacting in ways that it should not and without giving it a second thought, Luke leant closer and took Calum’s bottom lip between his own. Without hesitating, Calum moved his lips against Luke’s, kissing him into the pillow. The kisses, which soon moved to Calum’s neck and turned into sucking and biting.

Calum pulled away, shook his head and connected his lips to Luke’s again. His lips moved ardently against Luke’s and Luke kissed back with equal vigour. Calum’s tongue darted out and took a confident swipe across Luke’s lips before moving past them to find his tongue. As their tongues moved together, one of his hands found its way under the younger lad’s shirt and trailed up his side. Slightly pulling away, Calum bit his lower lip while his fingers toyed with one of Luke’s nipples, rubbing it and occasionally tugging on it. Luke held Calum’s gaze and his hand reached out to caress Calum’s cheek. Calum’s skin was soft and warm under his touch; Luke lifted his head off the pillow and pressed several light kisses to Calum’s parted lips.

Calum pulled away, ignoring Luke’s whine, and positioned himself on his knees, between the younger’s legs. Also pulling Luke off the mattress and into a sitting position, Calum tugged on Luke’s shirt and threw it to the floor. Once Luke was shirtless, he wasted no time in getting rid of Calum’s black tee. The brunette licked his lips and slowly ran a hand down Luke’s chest, earning a gasp from him, before stopping at Luke’s jeans. He quickly unzipped them and pulled them down Luke’s legs, with much struggles, along with the grey boxers before tossing them both to the floor and looking at Luke’s naked body.

Before Calum had a chance to register what was happening, he was on his back and Luke was already undoing his jeans. The moment the said jeans were out of the way, Luke trailed tentative fingers up Calum’s thigh to stop at his hip bone; he was not even sure what was happening. Calum took Luke’s hand into his own and placed it around his growing erection, immediately moving it up and down. Once Luke’s hand was moving confidently on its own, Calum let go and laid back, every now and then thrusting into Luke’s fist. With his free hand, Luke took hold of his own penis, which was being neglected, and pumped it at the same time as he pumped Calum’s erection. Calum opened his eyes when Luke let out a moan. The dark-haired lad had other plans in mind and he would not let it end so soon; they had barely started.

“Don’t move,” Calum flipped them around and got off the bed, moving to Michael’s bag.

“What are you doing?” Luke leant on his elbows and looked at the other.

“We need something.”

_‘Something?’_ Luke frowned. _‘Why would we need something?’_

Luke’s question was answered when Calum again joint him, a bottle of moisturising oil in one hand. Luke was about to ask what they would need oil for but before he could open his mouth, the realisation of what would happen next dawned upon him and he formed an ‘O’ with his lips. Calum again repositioned himself between Luke’s legs and eyed the bottle he had in hand before looking at Luke.

“Do you think it should go on me or you?” Calum scratched the back of his head.

“I dunno… does it matter? I mean, as long as we’re using it, I think we’re good,” Luke managed to let out; he could feel his cheeks heating up. He was certain he was blushing; he only hoped Calum did not notice.

“You’re right,” Calum slurred.

Squirting a generous amount of fluid in his palm, Calum coated his penis and moved closer to Luke, aligning his penis to Luke’s entrance and looking at him to see if he was ready. _‘Ok, so I’m the one bottoming?’_ Luke thought to himself; he was sure he missed the episode where they had decided who would be bottoming and who would be topping.

“Luke?” Calum called impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m ready,” Luke nodded.

The moment those words left Luke’s mouth, Calum pushed the tip inside before slowly pushing his whole length into Luke. Luke closed his eyes and breathed through his mouth, trying to adjust to the feeling. Calum grabbed Luke’s ankles and set his feet on his shoulders, allowing himself to be buried deeper inside Luke. The blond inter-linked his fingers and pressed them against his forehead as Calum’s hips kept moving forward and backward. He could hear Calum mumbling to himself but that was the least of Luke’s worry; he felt like he was being split in halves. Concluding it would be easier and less painful if he was relaxed, Luke dropped his hands to his sides and tried to steady his breathing.

“What are you doing?” Luke panted when he opened his eyes and noticed his phone in Calum’s hand.

“Nothing…”

Calum tossed the device aside and leant forward, attaching his lips to Luke’s pierced one. Luke instantly wrapped his arms around Calum’s neck as the latter nibbled on his bottom lip. The younger lad was glad that he was rather flexible because at that instant, he was folded in an awkward position, with his legs sandwiched between their bodies. Calum broke the kiss and rested his head on the pillow, beside Luke. Needing, wanting more contact with Calum, Luke turned his head to the side and placed a kiss to the side of the older boy’s neck. He parted his lips and nibbled on the skin at a spot just below Calum’s jaw. Hungrily, Luke sucked on the skin for several long seconds before biting down hard, earning a pained gasp from Calum.

It seemed as if Calum’s hips were racing against time and with the speed at which they moved, each of his forward thrusts sent Luke a little bit over the edge. Luke snaked a hand between their sweaty bodies and took hold of his neglected penis, which craved to be touched. However, before Luke could do anything, Calum slapped his hand away and shook his head. Pulling out of Luke, Calum moved away and sat on his haunches, pushing Luke’s legs wide open before plunging right back into him sharply. Luke let out a gasp as Calum resumed his speed, as though he never stopped. His left hand travelled up Luke’s torso, from his hips, across his stomach, to his chest, only to stop at his nipple. Calum rubbed his fingers a few times over it before tugging on the hardened bud.

Luke again gasped; he wrapped his fingers around his penis and moved his hand up and down the length, slowly at first. Shortly after, his fist moved faster, pumping himself at the same speed as Calum’s thrusts. Luke closed his eyes and arched his back as he tried to cope with all the different sensations rushing through his body. When Calum reached to massage his balls, Luke bit his lip to suppress a moan and came all over his fingers. He squeezed the very last drop of cum out of himself before stilling his hand and wiping it on his stomach. Finally, after long minutes, the blond opened his eyes and looked at Calum, who was still moving in him.

“You close?”

Calum nodded and hummed low in his throat. Luke lifted himself off the mattress and supported himself on his elbows before taking Calum’s lips between his own. Their mouth moved together impatiently but Luke pulled away when he felt a weird feeling in him. Calum pulled out of the boy under him and dropped himself on the mattress, beside Luke. Ignoring the fluid that was seeping out of his bum, Luke passed a hand over his forehead, brushing off the hair that were stuck there. Taking a look to his left, Luke noticed that Calum already had his eyes half-closed as he tried to catch his breath. Before he could say anything, Calum was fast asleep.

**…:::END OF FLASHBACK:::…**

Luke sat up straight on the bed and slapped himself on the forehead. How could he have let that happen? He got up and gathered the clothes from the floor and bundled them in his arms before heading towards the door. Luke again slapped himself on the forehead; he possibly could not walk down the corridor and to his room, naked. Dropping the clothes to the floor, Luke pulled on his boxers and jeans before taking his shirt when he realised that they were both his. The blond looked at the black shirt in his left hand and the grey shirt in his right hand, trying to remember which one he had worn. Pulling one of the tees on, Luke picked his shoes and socks and headed to his room.

Opening the door, Luke peered inside before tip-toeing into the room. Ashton was asleep on one of the bed and Luke quietly dropped his shoes by his bag. He scratched his head, wondering what he should do. Again, getting rid of his clothes, Luke slipped under the covers and closed his eyes; he would think about what had happened in the morning, when he would be properly awake.

 

 

 

 


	2. What The Hell Happened?

“Hey there,” Michael smiled when Calum sat up in his bed.

“When did I get back?” Calum swung his feet over the edge of the bed and yawned.

“I dunno, you were sleeping when I got back,” Michael shrugged before pulling on a shirt.

Calum hummed. “When did you get back?”

“At around 6.”

“Got lucky?” Calum smirked.

“Nah, I was hanging out with the crew, fell asleep in somebody’s room. What about you?” Michael chuckled, looking at Calum.

“I dunno,” Calum looked down at his naked self.

“Where’re your clothes?”

Immediately, Calum looked on the floor, around the bed, and realised there were no sign of his clothes anywhere, “shit.”

Shaking his head, Michael walked to his bed and took a seat. “What the hell did you do?”

“I dunno…” Calum scratched his forehead. “Do you think she stole them… my clothes?”

“Oh my God, this is so hilarious,” Michael laughed.

“What if she was one of those super-obsessed stalker, who barges into people’s houses to steal their clothes?”

The blonde laughed even harder.

“Stop, it’s not funny.”

“Ok, ok,” Michael said trying to suppress his laughs. “What did you do with this? I’ve been looking for this for the past 30 mins.” Michael bent down and picked his bottle of moisturising oil, squirting some in his palm and rubbing it on his arm.

“Don’t even ask, I have no idea.”

“Anyways, I was going downstairs for some breakfast or lunch, whatever they are serving at this time. Do you wanna tag along?”

“Yeah, after I brush my teeth.”

“’lright, I’ll wait for you then.”

Calum got up and walked to the bathroom. Sighing, he placed his hands on each sides of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror; he looked like a wreck. He lifted his eyebrows and blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the light. His hair was an awful mess on his head and he looked sleepy. He squeezed some toothpaste on his brush and brought it to his mouth, gently moving it around. Then it caught his eyes. A mark on the side of his neck, just below his jaw. It was so dark that it was almost purple. Not to mention that his skin was redder at the base of his neck, around his collar bones. Damn! He might not remember but he was sure as hell that he had an awesome time. Rinsing his mouth, he walked back into the room.

“Let’s go, I’m starving,” he said as he pulled some clothes on.

“Yeah, I texted Ashton, they will meet us downstairs,” Michael answered from his spot on the bed.

“Cool…”

**……….::::::::::……….**

When Luke had woken up, Ashton was awake as well. His slightly damp hair indicated that he had had a shower already and was again lying in his bed. Luke only waved at him and made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. Now that he was fully awake, he could not help but think about the events that had happened the previous night. How did he let that happen? How was he going to face Calum? What could he possibly tell Calum? What excuse could he come up with? It was not like he was drunk since he remembered everything clearly, much to his dismay. Luke shook his head and step inside the shower stall, opening the faucet and letting the warm jet hit against his skin.

His eyes widened when he saw the red colour trailing down his legs. Blood? How did he not think about that? He did not realise that they had done it so hard. Luke stared at the stained water going down the drain; that was right. They did it, together. Why was he blaming himself? _‘Because Calum was trashed and you weren’t, giant moron,’_ the voice in his head said but Luke ignored it. Calum was equally part of it and if Calum did question him, he could do the same. He could pretend he was drunk; it was not like the others would know that he was not. Besides, a little lie had never hurt anyone. Yeah, he was going to stay quiet if Calum did the same. He only hoped, Michael and Ashton would not notice anything weird about the situation.

“Luke?” Ashton called as he pushed the door open. “Are you done? Cal and Mikey are waiting for us downstairs for lunch.”

“Yeah, I’m done.”

Luke got out of the stall and grabbed a towel, patting himself dry. He walked to the mirror and stared at his reflection. Suddenly, he did not feel as much confident as he had felt before being interrupted by Ashton. What if Calum questioned him? What would he say in his defence? Calum being Calum would definitely see through his lie. No, he was not ready to face Calum. He was actually not ready to face anyone. His friends knew him better than anyone else and one look at him would be enough for them to know that there was something up with him. Luke wrapped the towel around his hips and walked back to the room.

“You know what, Ash… I’m not really hungry. Go and get some food… I’ll just stay here for a bit.”

“Of course not… you’re coming along. Last time you got drunk and said that, you had a massive headache and were grumpy with everyone for two days, two long damned days. I’m not letting that happen again. Come on, get dress. We’re going to join the others.” Ashton said, or rather ordered.

“Fine,” Luke mumbled in defeat. Why was it always difficult to win an argument against Ashton?

He reluctantly followed Ashton out of the elevator and into the restaurant. Michael and Calum were already sitting at one of the square tables in a corner and they also made their way over there. One thing that Luke was glad about was that Michael and Ashton were seated on each of his sides; the further away from Calum, the better. The moment their orders arrived, Luke decided to busy himself with his food because the faster he was done, the faster he would get out of there and away from people.

“You guys would never believe. Something really creepy happened,” Michael said out of the blue. “So last night, Calum got this girl to our room and this morning, we realised that Calum’s clothes were missing. Cal was totally freaking out but on our way here, we found them bundled by the door,” Michael finished with a laugh.  
“It really was not that funny,” Calum protested.

Luke wanted to kick himself. While picking his clothes to go back to his room, earlier that morning, he had also taken Calum’s clothes and left them by the door; it was a really stupid move.

“But I had a great time,” Calum smiled and Luke looked at him from above his glass of Sprite.

“Why wouldn’t you have had? Did you guys see the size of that hickey on his neck?” Michael laughed and Ashton joined in.

“She was a biter,” Calum also laughed as he rubbed his fingers somewhere close to where the hickey was.

“Oh, did I mention the blood stain on the sheet?”

Calum wanted to kick Michael the moment that left his mouth. Why was he spilling everything? Not that Calum minded, they were all his friends but they were in a restaurant and anyone could hear. Couldn’t Michael wait until they were alone, just them?

_‘Blood stain?’_ Luke opened his eyes wide in shock but quickly recomposed himself. He should not do or say anything that would make things look suspicious.

“Definitely not the type of girls you’d pick, Cal, I’m impressed,” Ashton nodded. “Who was she anyway?”

“Huh… she was… what was her name already?” Calum scrunched his face as his brain kick-started, trying to remember who she was. “I think she was called… huh… Emily.”

“You think?” Ashton raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sure. I don’t remember much but I can tell that I had an awesome time. She was hot,” Calum said confidently, although he wondered if he made any sense at all.

“Hot?”

“Yep, a hot brunette, with long dark brown hair.”

“Brunette?” Luke, who had been silent the whole time, asked. “I’m pretty sure she was a blonde, with short hair.”

“A blonde? How would you know that?” Calum looked at him, surprised.

“Huh…” Luke blinked a few times, trying to think of an excuse; it served him right for opening his mouth. “Well, you informed me before leaving and I saw you leave, with the blonde.”

Calum was confused; he was pretty sure he did not talk to any blonde. How was that possible? Was he that drunk? “Whatever… she was mind-blowing.”

“Seriously?” Luke argued. “Two minutes ago, you didn’t know she had blonde hair. You did not even remember her name and yet you remember having a good time. That’s unbelievable.”

“Oh Lucas, some things are just meant to be remembered,” Calum laughed.

“I don’t see your point,” Luke shrugged nonchalantly.

“What’s with you? I do admit I don’t remember everything but I still remember how her skin felt under my fingers. The way she kissed me was… wow.”

Luke felt his cheeks heat up at Calum’s revelation. Suddenly, he regretted being seated between Ashton and Michael because that meant he was sitting right across Calum. He slammed his glass on the table and got up, causing his three friends to look at him. “I’m not very hungry… I’m going back to my room.”

Luke mumbled a series of incomprehensive words to himself as he walked back into his hotel room and slammed the door behind him. He was mad, furious even. Why was he mad? He was mad at Calum. How could Calum think that he was with a girl? _‘Well, in a way, it was all good. That way, you won’t have to answer any question,’_ the voice in his head reasoned.

“No, that’s not fair,” Luke said out loud.

“How is that?”

“I’m not gonna let someone else take the credit for all my hard work,” Luke stated the obvious.

“Hard work? Sex is not hard work, Lucas.”

“Shut up, Robert,” Luke shouted. “Why am I even having a conversation with myself?”

That was something he often did when he was upset or angry or just needed to vent out some frustration. He knew it was slightly dramatic but it had always helped him. He was throwing a fit because Calum thought that he had some great sex with some girl, who did not really exist. Was that jealousy?’

“Of course not, why would I be jealous? It doesn’t even make sense,” Luke looked down at his tummy when he heard a loud grumble.

“Wow, you’re really hungry,” he said to himself.

After having the two chicken sandwiches and the giant slice of chocolate mousse cake that he had ordered from room service, Luke got up from the arm chair and dropped himself on the bed. During his meal, he did quite some rational thinking and concluded it was a good thing that Calum did not remember it was him at all. That saved him from a lot of embarrassment and knowing Michael, he would never have let him see the end of it. Luke hummed low in his throat as he scrolled through his phone. He smiled when an idea popped in his head; he could upload an embarrassing photo of Calum on twitter. That would make him feel even better. However, something else caught his attention when he opened his picture gallery. A video? Where was that from? The last thing he captured was a picture of Michael, who was pretending to eat a sunflower that was in the background.

Curiosity got the best of him and he opened the file. The lighting was not great but he could see himself as the camera focused. Then it switched to Calum and it was obvious that Calum was holding the device. Calum was smiling and he clearly looked drunk. Luke’s eyes widened as he stopped the video and stared at his phone. No way! That could not be. Calum would not have recorded that, although Luke did remember seeing his phone in Calum’s hand. What was there in the video? After all, it was approximately 2 minutes long. The questions kept coming one after the other in Luke’s head. Biting his lips, Luke opened the file again and pressed play.

**…..:::::…..**

_Luke closed his eyes and breathed through his mouth; the look on his face indicated that he was in pain. Calum smiled goofily before creasing his eyebrows in concentration. The brunette bit his lips and lifted his free hand to tease his own nipple. He let out a laugh and angled the lens lower, trailing down his chest. Slowly, he grabbed Luke’s ankles one by one and set the blonde’s feet on his shoulders._

_“Hiii, this is how Mista Magi-Cal fucks The Hemmster. Like a pro… this is how we do it.”_

_The camera switched back to Luke, who had his inter-linked fingers pressed against his forehead. The image was shaky but it was clearly visible that it was trailing down Luke’s chest. Then it steadied and all that could be seen was Calum’s erected penis going in and out of Luke’s ass._

_“What are you doing?” Luke asked breathily._

_“Nothing…”_

**…..:::::…..**

Luke stared at the screen when the video stopped. His stomach was churning and he could feel himself getting sick. Tossing the phone aside, he rushed to the bathroom and emptied the content of his stomach, his fingers gripping the porcelain bowl tightly. Flushing the toilet, Luke got to his feet and walked to the sink. He leant against the counter and stared at himself in the mirror; his cheeks were flushed and he was shaking. He stayed that way for some long minutes, trying to get a grip on himself. After catching his breath and recomposing himself, he splashed some cold water on his face. He felt so much better after that and he walked back into the bedroom after wiping his face.

“Hey, you’re alright?” Ashton asked the moment he walked in.

“Yeah, I am…” Luke replied, surprised to see the other. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check in on you,” Ashton raised an eyebrow. “Besides, it’s my room too.”

“Huh…” Luke stared at him. Why were his mates always worrying about him? He was all grown up now and could take care of himself. “I mean… I-huh…”

“I thought you weren’t hungry,” the curly-head nodded towards the plates on the coffee table.

“Yeah, I wasn’t,” Luke ran his fingers through his hair, trying to come up with something. What was it with him and his lack of ability to find cool excuses? “But then I realised you were right. Last time I had an awful headache and I certainly don’t want that again.”

“Good,” Ashton smiled.

“Lukey,” Calum cheered as he barged through the door.

_‘Great,’_ Luke thought to himself. _‘What is he doing here?’_

Calum dropped himself on the couch next to Luke and threw an arm around his shoulder. “What’s wrong with you? Why’re you so grumpy? Had a rough night last night?”

Luke shrugged off the arm and walked back to the bed, dropping himself on the mattress and busying himself with his phone. Calum’s hurt expression was apparent but Ashton shook his head and ignored his other two friends; they were always like that with each other. With a small smile playing on his lips, Calum jumped on the bed and wrapped his arms around Luke.

“Let go of me,” Luke whined.

“No, hug me back,” Calum argued.

“You guys are like kids,” Ashton again shook his head and headed to the large window.

“No, I’m not hugging you, ever.”

“I’m not letting go until you hug me back, even if it takes 5 mins, 1 hour, a week or forever.”

Luke rolled his eyes and kept his gaze on the video; it probably would be best if he got rid of it because he did not want to think what would happen if someone else had his hand on that. Licking his lips, the blonde wondered what he should do about it. With a glance at Calum, who was still holding him, Luke pressed on the delete button.

 

 


	3. It's Michael's Fault

“I still don’t understand the need for your outburst, the other day,” Calum asked as they settled on the floor of his and Ashton’s hotel room.

Luke adjusted the cushion under his ass before looking at Calum. “Which outburst?”

“A few days ago, when we went to the club…”

“Oh, that day when you didn’t remember who you’d slept with? The one where you thought you had a great time?”

“I did have an amazing time,” Calum protested.

Luke rolled his eyes. “See, that’s what annoyed me. You don’t know who was with you, you don’t know what had happened and yet you’re so hell bent on saying you had one of the best night of your life. For all we know, that person might even have done some weird voodoo-witchcraft thing to you. Who knows?”

“The best night of my life?” Calum frowned; Luke was definitely exaggerating since he had never said that. “Voodoo-witchcraft? What the hell?”

“I’ve got the glasses,” Michael said as he set four glasses on the coffee table between them.

“And I’ve got the drinks,” Ashton placed a few bottles of vodka and rum on the table.

“Where did you get these? I thought you’ve already ordered us some beers,” Calum asked when the curly head took a seat.

“Yeah, the beers are in the fridge. And as for these… I got someone from the crew to order us these. So, if anyone asks, all we’ve ever got was beer,” Ashton smiled.

“You’re so wicked,” Calum also smiled.

“I’ve been corrupted,” Ashton stated.

“Corrupted?”

“Yeah, the mastermind of this whole thing is right here,” the drummer pointed to Michael, who was smirking.

“So, what are we doing?” Luke asked.

“Playing some games,” Michael replied as he opened a bottle of vodka.

“Shouldn’t we keep the stronger drinks for later and start with the beers?”

“Ashton, Ashton, Ashton,” Michael laughed. “Drinking games and beers do not mix well together. Maybe we can sneak the beer into the bus when we leave from here,” Michael’s eyes widened and his grin grew bigger, as if he had made some life-changing discoveries. “Michael, you’re just a genius.”

“So, the games… it’s like ‘I dare you’ or something?” Luke reached forward and pulled his glass closer to him.

“Not really… we’re gonna play ‘I’ve never’.”

“What’s that? I’ve never heard of it,” Ashton scrunched his face in uncertainty.

“Well, so it goes like… I have to say ‘I’ve never’, followed by a statement. Let’s say, I start the game. I’ve never worn a dress. If any of you have, then you take a sip of your drink. It’s that simple. Ok?” Michael looked at each of his band mates, making sure they understood the rules.

“We’re not mixing the drink?”

“No Ashton, we’re not. All you’ve got to take is a sip. So, technically, you’re not gonna get drunk easily unless, you’ve done plenty of nasty stuffs,” Michael laughed. “Can we begin? We’ll start with me. So, I’ve never played drums live,” Michael smiled.

“Then I have to drink?” Ashton raised an eyebrow.

“Of course and you too Calum.”

“Me?”

“Yes, even if you were just messing around, you did play it, on stage,” Michael shrugged and Calum reached for his glass, already drinking.

“That’s like cheating,” Ashton complained as he took a sip of vodka. “My turn. I’ve never had crazy hair colours.”

Michael creased his eyebrows as he took a sip as well. “Let’s not make this personal.”

“Ok, my turn,” Calum mumbled. “What can I say? I’ve never brushed my teeth.”

Michael laughed. “You can’t say things like that, or you’ll have to drink too. The aim is to get the others drunk and not get drunk.”

“My turn. I’ve never fallen on stage,” Luke smiled when Calum and Michael drank.

“I’ve never had a brother or a sister. Ha! Drink bitches,” Michael laughed.

“I’ve never been the youngest sibling.”

“You can’t say that. I’ve just said something about brothers and sisters,” Michael protested as Calum and Luke again drank.

“That’s completely different,” Ashton argued.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“You’re so unoriginal. You can’t come up with your own thing to say.”

“I’ve never been an only child,” Calum said, trying to hide his laugh.

“That is… bullshit,” Michael huffed.

“Ashton, you have to drink too,” Calum nudge the curly head in the shoulder when he started to laugh at Michael.

“What? Why? I’m not an only child. I have a brother and a sister.”

“Yeah but before they were born, you’ve been an only child for quite some time,” Calum stated.

Ashton stopped laughing and made a face at Calum.

“I’ve never… I dunno what to say…”

“Say something, anything… this is so much fun. How did I not know this game before?” Calum urged.

“I’ve never had sex with somebody and not remember who it was,” Luke shrugged when Calum made a face and took a sip of his drink.

“I’ve never broken my drum kit cause I don’t play drums,” Michael wriggled his eyebrows.

“I’ll get you for that. I’ve never had black hair.”

“Damn, I need a refill.” Calum took the bottle and poured more vodka into his glass. “Am I the only one drinking or what? I’ve never played this game before.” As soon as Michael took another sip, Calum spoke again. “I’ve never had coloured eyes.” the brunette grinned when the other three drank.

“It was my turn,” Luke pouted.

“Nobody ever said that I can’t play twice in a row,” Calum shrugged.

“Nobody said you could either. I’ve never had any tattoos.”

Michael drank the last bit of his drink and refilled his and Ashton’s glasses.

“I’ve never pierced my eyebrows,” Luke chuckled. “I’ve never done my hair in a bun.”

“How many times are you gonna play?” Ashton sighed.

“If Calum can play twice in a row, I can play three times.”

“Ok, my turn,” Michael bit his lips in a thoughtful way. “I’ve never had giant hands.”

“That’s mean,” Ashton frowned as he again drank. “I’ve never slept with a guy before.”

All eyes turned to Luke when he drank. “What? We’ve slept on the same bed countless times before,” Luke shrugged and shook his head when the others ignored him and chose not to drink. In fact, Luke knew what Ashton had meant and the only reason he drank was because he knew that he had slept with Calum; he was only being honest.

“I’ve never been on a safari,” Calum grinned.

Michael laughed. “You’re so stupid and drunk… you know none of us has ever been on a safari and no one would drink. Then why?”

“I dunno… I wanted to say that.”

“I’ve never had a mom called Karen.”

“I think Luke’s ‘I’ve nevers’ are the silliest,” Ashton chuckled.

“I’ve never had dimples,” Michael wriggled his eyebrows at Luke.

“I’ve never kissed my bandmates.”

They all turned to look at Luke who shrugged. “I’ve kissed you guys on the cheek before.”

One and a half hour later, Luke was still half-way with his drink no. 2 while Calum was on drink no. 4 and Michael and Ashton had so many refills that Luke had lost count. Ashton had passed out on the floor, next to Calum and Michael was so drunk that all he was doing was laughing.

“I’ve never… been to the moon,” Michael said, followed by a fit of laughter.

“So, shall we take this party to your room?” Calum asked as he looked from Michael to Luke.

“What about Michael?”

“Forget about him. He’s so drunk, he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. Besides, he’s gonna fall asleep any time soon. Just look at him.”

Luke took another look at Michael, unable to make a decision. “Alright.”

“Let’s go.” Calum grabbed the remaining bottles of alcohol and followed Luke.

“Where are you going with these?”

“To your room. We’re gonna get trashed.”

Luke raised an eyebrow at the older lad. “Trashed?”

“Yes, we’re gonna drink so much until we pass out on the floor, just like Ashton.”

“Ok.” Luke nodded. Drinking and passing out was cool with him. At least that would not leave them with the opportunity of doing something stupid again. He locked the door behind him and joined Calum, who was already making himself comfortable on one of the beds.

“So, let’s play.”

“What are we playing?”

“I’ve never but with a twist. Let’s say it’s my turn and you’ve done the deed, other than taking a sip, you also get to do a dare and if you don’t do your dare, you have to strip. Ok?”

“Yeah, sounds cool to me.”

“The oldest will begin,” Calum announced and looked at Luke. “Oh yeah, that’s me.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “I’ve never been older than anyone in my band.”

Calum opened a bottle of rum and took a sip. “Go on, you also get to dare me.”

“I dare you to…” Luke gently tapped his index against his chin. “Go to the open window and shout ‘I’m in love with Luke Hemmings’.”

“That’s easy.” Calum walked over to the window. Opening it, he poked his head outside and yelled, “I’m in love with Luke Hemmings.” With a grin, he walked back to the bed. “I’ve never broken a hotel shower.”

Luke raised an eyebrow at him. “Seriously man?”

“What? Was that me? I thought it was you. Damn it!” Calum took another drink.

“I dare you to make out with that pillow,” Luke laughed but stared at the other boy when he actually pressed his lips to the pillow.

“Your turn, Lukey boy.”

“I’ve never kissed a guy.”

Calum looked at him with wide eyes when the blonde took a sip of rum. “You have? Don’t give me that ‘on the cheek’ shit.”

“Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. Who knows?”

“What? When? How? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I believe you have too. You should drink. Drink Calum,” Luke brought the bottle to Calum’s lips.

“I’m only drinking because you’re asking me, that’s all. I dare you, Luke Hemmings, to call the reception and talk dirty to whoever picks up.”

“What? I’m not doing that. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“Your wish. Take your shirt off then,” Calum shrugged. “I’ve never ever made a mess in the bathroom after I’m done showering. And I dare you to kiss me,” Calum said after much thoughts. If Luke had kissed boys before, it should not be a problem for him and Calum wanted to see if he could go to that extent.

“Nah, I’d rather get rid of my pants.” Luke shimmied out of his sweat pants, only to realise that the only item of clothing he had left was his boxers. “I’ve never stolen my sister’s clothes.”

Calum scoffed. “You don’t have a sister.”

“That’s not the point. The point is to get you to drink. So, I dare you to suck my balls.”

“What?”

“I guess it’s your turn to strip.”

Seventy-five minutes later, both boys were a drunk, laughing mess on the bed. Luke had thankfully managed to keep his underwear on and Calum was also only dressed in his boxers. The bottles of alcohol were empty and the game turned into daring each other to do ridiculous stuffs. Luke’s eyes felt heavy and he mumbled a sleepy ‘goodnight’ after looking at Calum who was in no better condition than he was.

**……….::::::::::……….**

Luke snuggled closer into the warmth when he felt himself being pulled closer. A warmth? He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Calum, who had an arm wrapped around his waist. And yes, he was naked again and so was Calum. Judging by the bright sun coming through the open curtain, it seemed to be around late morning or noon. He slowly lifted Calum’s arm off him and rolled to the edge of bed, immediately scrambling for his phone between the sheets. He quickly went on his gallery to check for anything.

“Don’t be silly. Just because last time there was a video, doesn’t mean there will be one this time as well,” he said in a whisper.

“Shut up, Robert. I don’t need this right now. The last thing I remember was going to sleep. And Calum was already snoring when I did. So, how did this happen?”

Luke chewed on his bottom lip and linked his fingers together, trying to recall something. Then his eyes landed on his camcorder which was on the night table. He lifted a hand to reach for it but then shook his head negatively. No, they would not have used a camera; that would be too…

“Too what? If you could have used a phone, why not a camera? And there’s no harm in checking.”

He again reached for the camcorder and turned it on. There it was, laughing at his face, a video, with poor lighting, clearly taken the previous night. With a quick look at Calum, Luke pressed the play button.

**…..:::::…..**

Calum connected his lips to Luke’s and moved them hungrily against one another. It seemed like Luke’s lips were essential for his survival and without them, he would die.

“Why do you taste so good?” Calum mumbled against Luke’s lips. “I can’t get enough of kissing you. It’s so addicting. I just wanna keep ki-“

Luke giggled and pressed his lips to the older lad’s, silencing his words. Their lips moved together impatiently before Calum slightly pulled away and tugged on Luke’s bottom lip. He kissed his way down to the side of Luke’s neck, biting down on the skin. Luke let out a moan and lifted his legs and wrapped them around Calum’s waist. The older boy sucked on Luke’s neck as his naked hips started a series of slow forward thrusts against Luke’s equally naked hips. Luke enclosed his arms tighter around Calum’s neck and tilted his head backward, giving Calum more access to his neck. He pecked the skin and left a series of wet kisses down Luke’s chest to his lower abdomen, licking and nibbling on the skin there.

Locking eyes with the blonde, Calum slowly opened his mouth and took the head of Luke’s erected penis between his lips, closing them around it. Gently, he sucked on the exposed head before rolling his tongue around it. He held Luke’s gaze as he slid his mouth along the length, taking more of Luke in. When the head of the younger boy’s penis touched the back of his throat, he pulled back completely before doing the same again. He sucked powerfully on Luke’s length, hollowing his cheeks in the process. One of his hands reached past Luke’s penis, to his testicles, and Calum held them between his fingers, gently squeezing them. Luke threaded his fingers through Calum’s hair, grabbing a handful and pulling on the locks, to guide Calum’s mouth back to his.

“Fuck me like you did the other night,” Luke whispered against Calum’s lips before pecking him several times.

“Hang on, I’ll get us something.”

Calum got up from the bed and walked to the bags that laid in a corner of the room. Placing his hands on his hips, he stared at them, wandering what he should get and deciding to raid Michael’s bag; Michael always had useful stuffs in his bags. As soon as he found the moisturising oil that he had been looking for, Calum hurried back to the bed, where Luke was sprawled, eagerly waiting for him. The brunette leant on his elbow and pressed a kiss to Luke’s lips before pulling away. The back of his fingers stroked Luke’s cheek, his beard pricking his skin, as he looked into the younger lad’s blue eyes.

“How do you want to do it?”

“Can I ride you? I want to ride you,” Luke bit on his pierced lip as he looked into Calum’s eyes.

“Anything you want. Now give me that,” Calum said. “I’ll place it on the bedside table. It has a good angle.”

Luke knelt on the mattress and pulled Calum so that he was lying in the middle of the bed. Biting his lips, he opened the bottle of oil and squeezed some on Calum’s erected penis. Gently, he moved his hand along the length, smearing the oil and making sure that Calum was properly coated. He then swung a leg over Calum and positioned himself above the other boy’s hips. Again opening the oil bottle, Luke squirted some on his fingers and reached behind him to rub at his entrance. He let out a gasp when he slipped two fingers in him.

“Fuck,” Calum mumbled, unable to take his eyes off the other; Luke could be so sexual and alluring sometimes.

The younger lad took hold of Calum’s penis and guided it to his ass, rubbing the head against his hole a few times before pushing it inside. Luke again let out a gasp at the intrusion but lowered himself until he was fully seated. Slowly, he lifted himself up and slid back on. Calum placed his hands on each of Luke’s thighs as a series of curses left his mouth. He restrain himself from closing his eyes and to keep them on Luke instead while the other kept going up and down on his lap. Calum eventually turned his head to the side and closed his eyes when Luke leant forward and toyed with his nipple, his finger pads rubbing the bud in a circular motion before he lightly tugged on it with his index and thumb.

Luke slipped a hand to the back of Calum’s neck and lifted Calum’s upper body off the mattress before connecting their lips. The older lad wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist as their lips kept moving against one another and Luke kept bouncing on his dick. Luke tilted his head backward and reached behind him to support himself on Calum’s thighs as he sped up his movements. On the other hand, Calum again attached his lips to Luke’s neck, sucking at the same reddened spot that he had sucked on earlier. He snaked a hand between their torsos and took hold of Luke’s penis. Without wasting time, he moved his hand up and down the length vigorously, trying to keep up with the pace that Luke had set.

“Are you close?” Calum whispered against Luke’s neck.

“Yeah, nearly there,” Luke panted.

“You riding me has got to be the best fucking thing ever.”

“Fuck,” Luke groaned as he came onto Calum’s fingers.

Once he had gotten everything out of Luke, Calum let go of his penis and brought his hand to his mouth, licking the come off his fingers. Luke mumbled some incoherent words at the scene and grabbed Calum by the hair, crashing their mouths together. He slipped his tongue past Calum’s parted lips and rubbed it against the older lad’s tongue, tasting himself on there. His tongue kept playing with Calum’s while one of his hands again reached for Calum’s nipple. He massaged it as they never broke the heated kiss. Calum moaned into Luke’s mouth and he spilled his load inside of him. The blonde slowed down until all his movements stilled before lifting himself off Calum and settling beside him on the mattress. With a smile, he reached forward and brushed the beads of sweat that had formed on Luke’s forehead.

“Can I turn this off now?” Calum asked, pointing to the camera that was on the bedside table.

“Yes” Luke hummed and pressed a kiss to Calum’s lips.

“Bye. This is Cal-ausaurus and The Hemmster signing off. Say bye, Luke,” Calum nudged Luke as he waved at the camera, urging Luke to do the same.

**…..:::::…..**

Luke stared at the screen when the playback stopped. They filmed the whole thing; forty-two whole minutes of shameless activities. Luke got up and grabbed his boxers from the floor, pulling it back on before climbing on the other bed. He hugged a pillow tightly to his chest and thought back to what he had just watched. He still could not believe his eyes or ears. Some of the things that he had said were so unbelievable. He would never have guessed that he could say those things. That was when things were slowly coming back to him. He had dozed off as well after Calum had fallen asleep. He did not know how much later it was but he was again awoken when he felt somebody licking his neck. Calum had whispered something that he could not remember into his ear and the next thing he knew, they were kissing. One thing had led to another and then they were naked when he had reached for the camcorder and everything else that had followed had been recorded.

“Fuck,” Luke shook his head. They had done it again. “It’s all because of Michael. Because of the stupid games that Michael wanted to play. It was all Michael’s fault.”

One thing Luke had learnt was that when only two people play ‘I never’, it gets ugly very fast.

“This is the worst morning ever,” Michael mumbled as he made his way into the room.

“What’s wrong?”

“My head is killing me. I feel like I’ve just been hit by a 100 moving trains in a row.”

“Come here. Maybe you’ll feel better if you lie down for a bit. Then we’ll get you some food. Black coffee and toast, the best things when dealing with hangovers.”

“I don’t want to eat. I feel sick. I wanna vomit.”

“Trust me, I’ve been there. What you need is black coffee, toast and some aspirins.”

“Hey,” Calum said sleepily from the other bed. “What happened to him?”

Luke ignored him and kept his eyes on Michael. “Where’s Ashton?”

“When I was coming here, he was throwing up in the bathroom.”

“You,” Ashton entered the room and marched up to Michael. “I’m never, ever, ever, playing drinking games with you. Like ever. I feel so sick. My stomach is churning and twisting. I knew it was a bad idea not to mix the drinks.”

“Why am I naked? Calum asked when he got up to help Ashton to the other bed. “Where are my clothes?” he again asked as he turned to Luke.

“Dude, if you don’t know why you’re naked, how am I supposed to know that?”

Calum pulled on the underwear that he found on the floor and brought a glass of water for Ashton.

“You two finished the rest of the drinks,” the drummer motioned to the empty bottles on the floor, by the bed. “How come you’re not drunk or hungover or sick?”

“Some people have strong stomach,” Calum said with a smug smile.

_‘It’s too bad you don’t remember what you do when you’re drunk though,’_ Luke thought to himself. One thing he was certain about was that he was never getting drunk with Calum again


	4. Dazed And Confused

“Are you even reading that?” Luke took a sip of his coffee and asked Ashton, who was sitting across from him, at the little table in the kitchenette, on their tour bus.

“What?” the drummer lifted his head and looked at Luke.

“The newspaper, are you even reading it? All I see is: you turning the pages.”

“Not really. Just trying to busy myself,” Ashton yawned.

“Still sleepy?”

“Yeah, Michael and Calum were playing video game until late last night and then they kept bickering when they came to bed. Couldn’t sleep much.”

Luke shrugged. “Didn’t hear a thing.”

“I’m not surprised. You sleep like a rock sometimes.”

“Yeah, only sometimes though. Otherwise, I have to put up with you guys and your snorings. It’s like a whole orchestra,” Luke laughed and Ashton joined in.

“Morning,” Calum blinked a few times, then rubbed his eye with his index.

“Hey, you look like shit,” Ashton commented.

“Yeah, Michael hit me in the head with a controller last night and now I have a headache.”

“You guys are like kids sometimes.”

“Scoot. Make some room for me,” Calum stood next to Luke, a cup of coffee in one hand and some toast in the other.

“You can have all the place,” Luke got up and looked at Calum who was only in his underwear that was very low on his hips. “I’m gonna hang out at the back.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Calum dropped himself on the seat and took a bite of his toast. “What’s wrong with him?”

“With whom?”

“Luke, who else?”

“I dunno, what’s wrong with him?”

“He’s just so unpredictable. He has those terrible mood swings all the fucking times, I just don’t understand and it’s not just today, it’s been going on since the past week.”

“Calum, nothing’s wrong with Luke. You’re probably just imagining.”

“If you say so,” Calum sighed, although he was pretty sure it was not a part of his imagination.

Luke dropped himself on the sofa and let out a frustrated groan; he had wanted to do that the moment Calum had walked into the kitchenette, in only his boxers. He did not know why but lately, every little things that involved Calum annoyed him. Seeing Calum in front of him would just trigger a weird feeling of frustration or anger in him. Sometimes the feeling was too much and he just had to get away. It was like he was going through a weird unknown phase and Luke was not liking it one bit. He wanted to shout, yell, or maybe break something but he could not; what would his friends think?

“Hey,” Calum smiled as he dropped his head in Luke’s lap. “What’s up?”

Luke closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Calum’s head was on his thighs and he could not possibly get up. “What do you want?”

“I wanna hang out with you,” Calum smiled; he knew with the way they were seated, Luke would not be able to leave. “It’s been so long since we hang out, just us two.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Are you mad at me or something?”

“No, should I be?” Luke asked in an irritated tone.

“Did I do something?”

 _‘Yes, you did,’_ Luke yelled in his head before shaking his head negative.

“I miss you,” Calum mumbled.

“Duh, you see me all day, every day.”

“Yeah, but I miss your hugs.” The brunette reached out and wrapped one arm around Luke’s neck and the other around his middle, in an awkward hug. “Hug me back, Lucas.”

_‘Damn, why is he so clingy and so cute and good… stop right there, you’re mad at him. Yes, I’m mad at him. Why am I mad at him? I don’t have to be mad at him.’_

“Luke? Hug meeee…” Calum whined.

Luke sighed and wrapped an arm around Calum, immediately bringing a smile to the other’s lips. Calum closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Luke. Luke let his eyes roam over Calum’s face; he looked so perfect lying there, so serene and so adorable, just like an angel. Calum was so warm and comfy. Luke knew he could hold Calum like that forever but then again there was that alienated and delirious feeling. The hand that the older boy had around his neck slowly trailed down his neck to his collar bone, Calum’s fingers grazing his skin. The action immediately sent a shiver down Luke’s spine and he remembered why he was staying away from Calum.

“Can you move?”

Calum opened his eyes and stared at Luke. “Why?”

“I gotta go… to pee.”

As soon as Calum shifted, Luke rushed to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He leant against the sink and stared at his reflection. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with Calum? What was going on? He wished someone would just give him the answers to his questions and he sure as hell had a lot of them.

**..........::::::::::..........**

“Can I get my own room? I want my own room.”

All eyes turned in Luke’s direction the moment he spoke.

“Why do you want your own room?” Ashton asked with a frown.

“Huh… I… I need my sleep… you guys snore too much. I’m tired and I just wanna sleep.”

“Luke, you sleep like a corpse when you’re tired. You’d still be able to sleep through a zombie apocalypse,” Michael laughed.

Luke sighed, “never mind, it was just a thought.”

That was how Luke ended up with his own room. He dropped himself on the bed and let out a happy sigh. Finally, he was alone. He had wanted that for so long but never got an opportunity. It was finally the time to sort things out in his head.

“Hey,” Calum said as he emerged from the door that connected his and Luke’s room.

Well, he did get his own room but it was connected to Calum’s room; Calum, out of all people, the one he was trying to get away from. Why did things never go the way he wanted?

“Hey,” Luke mumbled.

“You sure you don’t wanna go out with us?”

“Yes.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Calum, who was standing by the bed, kicked Luke’s feet that were hanging over the edge.

“No, I’m tired and really want to sleep.”

“Is there any way that I can change your mind? Even Michael’s going.”

“No, I’m fine. Go and have fun,” Luke said with a small smile.

Calum sighed. “Fine. I need a shirt. Can I get a shirt?” he walked to Luke’s suitcase and opened it, already rummaging through it without waiting for an answer from Luke.

“I don’t even know why you’re asking. You always borrow my shirts when you go out.”

“That’s because your shirts are better.”

“Unlike others, I don’t have shitty tastes.”

“Where are the wet wipes?” Calum ignored Luke’s tantrum and asked while he walked to the bed to drop a black button up shirt on it.

“In that bag over there. Why do you need wet wipes?”

“You ask so many questions.”

The brunette got the wipes and wrapped two around his fingers in each hands before rubbing them on his chest. Luke made a face at the sight.

“Wouldn’t you want a shower instead? We had a show earlier tonight and you’re all sweaty.”

“Luke,” Calum laughed. “We’re going to the club and it’s crowded there. Besides, it’s gonna get sweatier when I get back,” Calum wriggled his eyebrows.

“That’s disgusting. You think wet wipes are gonna help? I think you’re still gonna stink. Pew!”

“That’s what cologne is for.”

“Still think it’s disgusting.”

The older boy ignored him and threw the wipes in the bin as he whistled the tune of one of their own songs. He undid his belt and tossed it on the mattress. Opening his eyes, Luke looked sideways at the object that had hit his hand and bit his lips; Calum’s belt. Slowly, he lifted his eyes to Calum, who was undoing his jeans. Instinctively, a wave of heat rushed throughout Luke’s body as memories flooded his brain.

“Fuck! This is stuck. Can you help me?”

Luke quickly closed his eyes, wondering whether he should help or not. It was a quick debate that did not even last two seconds and Luke decided to pretend to be asleep and not help Calum.

“I know you’re not sleeping. Help me out. Mikey and Ash are gonna be mad at me if I’m late. Get up. Luke? Come on.”

The blonde let out a deep breath and shifted to a sitting position. “What do you want?”

“My zipper is stuck.”

“So?”

“I need help.”

Luke looked at Calum’s face, then at the zipper. “You want me to undo you pants?”

“Yes, is it so hard to understand?”

“Why do you need to change your pants? If you can go without a shower, I’m sure no one will notice you’re wearing the same jeans.”

“Yeah but I need this one for tomorrow. So, help me already.”

Reluctantly, Luke brought his uncertain fingers to Calum’s zipper and tugged it down, or at least tried to. He muttered some incoherent curses as he fought to open the zipper. His hands were shaky and he could not think straight. How could he? After all, his hands were literally touching Calum’s penis. How could he stay calm? To make it worst, Calum just kept moving.

“Stay still,” Luke ordered, rather than said.

“Hurry up,” Calum urged.

“How can I if you keep moving?”

“Just hurry.”

“Damn it, Calum. Stop moving,” Luke frowned at the older boy.

“Fine. Fine.”

“You know what? There’s only one way for you to keep still. Get on the bed.”

“Why?”

“Just get on the bed already.”

Calum was unsure but still got on the bed. Luke repositioned him so that Calum was lying on his back before getting between his legs. The younger lad let out a breath that he had been holding and resumed his task. His mind drifted off to that time when they were in that exact position and Luke was undoing Calum’s jeans. Luke blinked as he tried to concentrate; he should not be thinking about Calum and sex at the same time.

“What’s going on?” Ashton stared at the two from the doorframe of the connecting door; Calum was lying on his back, with his arms folded under his head and occasional sigh escaped his lips while Luke was kneeling between his legs, his back to Ashton. “Are you…?”

Luke quickly shifted at the sound of Ashton’s voice. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Really?” Ashton smirked.

“I was… I was ju-just trying to un-undo his zipper. It was stuck.” Luke mentally kicked himself for stuttering; he had enough worries and he did not need that at that moment.

“Luke, you’re a genius. You did it.” Calum dropped his jeans before pulling on another pair. “Are you ready?” he asked as he turned to Ashton.

“Yeah, I came to call you.”

“I’m done too,” Calum buttoned the shirt and straightened his hair before turning to Ashton again.

“Bye guys, have fun,” Luke waved and dropped himself on the mattress again.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna come along?” Calum asked again.

“Yes, I wanna stay in.”

When he heard the door close, Luke got up and walked to the window, staring at the sky. It was a bright and starry night, the perfect night to go out but Luke wanted to stay in. He walked to an armchair and set his guitar in his lap, strumming some tunes.

“I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the nights that we had sex. Like the way it felt to wake up right next to you and the memories I never can escape.”

He set his guitar aside and ran his fingers through his hair; he was sure at that rate, he would definitely go crazy. Why did things that Calum do get to him? What was wrong with him?

“I could really use some advice, you know that, Robert?”

“Chill Luke, you’re just over-reacting. Can’t you just forget it?”

“I wish it was that easy,” Luke sighed.

“I don’t get what your problem is.”

“Calum is my problem.”

“What did he do exactly?”

“He just gets on my nerves, all the times. He’s so freaking annoying but then the next minute he’s just so sweet,” Luke smiled.

“You’re falling for him. You’re totally falling for him.”

“That’s impossible. I don’t need this right now. All I wanted was some help but I guess I’ll have to find the solution alone. I quite capable of that.”

“You’re totally falling for him.”

“Shut up, Robert. I’m starting to rethink this strategy. Maybe talking to myself is not the best idea. I’m going to bed.”

**…..:::::TWO HOURS LATER:::::…..**

Luke was awoken by some loud laughter. He quickly pulled the covers over his head and then peeked around the room from under them. Letting out a sigh, he shook his head negatively; the sounds were not from his room. He knew he was being stupid but nowadays, anything was possible. Then he heard it again, coming from the room beside his, Calum’s room. Luke looked at the connecting door that was slightly opened.

“Great, now, I’ll have to hear that,” he rolled his eyes.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again but heard a moan, a girl’s moan. Luke’s eyes widened. Calum was with a girl? Then he slapped the back of his head. Obviously Calum was with a girl. It was not like it was the first time that Calum was fucking some girl. He squeezed his eyes tight and held the pillow over his head when a louder moan was heard. A series of ‘Ahs’ followed and Luke wanted to disappear from that place but no part of his body were willing to move. Somehow, imagining Calum with a girl made him sick in the stomach, yet he could not get that picture out of his head; a girl’s hand on Calum, her feeling his skin, her kissing him and her giving a good time. Damn, part of him was right; he was falling for Calum. He was so royally screwed. How did he let that happen? He had never looked at Calum that way before. Was it because they had sex twice?

Luke quickly closed his eyes when he heard some movement in his room. He felt the bed dip and a body was pressed against his, from behind; Calum. Luke could recognise that touch anywhere. Calum wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to Luke’s shoulder blade. Luke fought an internal battle and finally managed to get rid of the shiver that threatened to run down his spine. Judging by the fresh smell of shampoo, Luke could tell that Calum had just had a shower. Had he been lost in his thoughts for so long? Calum had time to be done with the girl and even had a shower. Calum snuggled closer and pressed his forehead against the back of Luke’s neck. Automatically, a sob escaped Luke’s lips.

Calum frowned and leant on an elbow to look at Luke. “Luke, are you crying?”

Luke wanted to kick himself again. Why was he crying? “No…”

The brunette flicked the lights on and turned back to Luke. “Look at me.” He pressed a hand under Luke’s chin and forced the other to turn his head around. “Why are you crying?” Calum asked when he saw the wet trail that the tears had left when they had rolled down Luke’s cheek.

“It’s… just a nightmare,” Luke managed with a tiny smile.

“Seriously?” the anxiousness was apparent in Calum’s voice and Luke patted his cheek.

“Yeah… it was just a stupid dream. I dreamt I was going away from you… and the guys,” Luke lied.

“Luke, even if you want to, I’m not letting you go away from me,” Calum wiped the tears away and pressed a kiss to Luke’s forehead.

“Yeah.”

Luke again settled on his side, with his back to Calum, wishing Calum would understand the real reason for his tears. Calum again wrapped his arm around Luke, not convinced by Luke’s words. He knew something was wrong with him and he had to talk to Ashton and Michael. It was not a part of his imagination, he had seen tears in Luke’s eyes.

 

 


	5. It Just Doesn't Get Better

Life on tour was amazing and the fact that they were all so close was a plus because they had to be around each other all the time. However, it was also hard when trying to keep away from someone, which was the case with Luke who wanted to avoid Calum. It was worst when they were on the bus and they were at that moment. As if on cue, Calum walked to the back of the bus, where Luke was lounging. The moment he came in, Luke could not help but notice that Calum was wearing shorts, was shirtless and barefoot, and was carrying a guitar.

“Hey,” Calum smiled as he set the guitar in his lap, strumming some chords.

“Hi,” Luke mumbled, returning his eyes to the magazine that he supposedly was reading.

Luke let his eyes drift off to Calum, groaning inwardly as he did so. Why did Calum have to always wander around shirtless? Having him around was already too much of a situation to deal with, to add to it, the older boy had to be semi-naked all the times. Luke eyed Calum’s shoulder and let his eyes trail down to his arm. Luke sighed; he loved when those arms wrap themselves around him, even if it was for a tiny hug. Then his eyes moved to Calum’s hand. Those hands that had been on his body, caressing his skin, touching him, teasing his pen- _‘Hold it right there,’_ Luke warned himself; he did not want such kind of thoughts. He needed to get away, he had to. The longer he stayed in front of Calum, the more messed up his thoughts turned out to be.

Then he reminded himself that those were the same hands that were touching a girl, another person that was not him. He meant nothing to Calum, except for being his best friend and bandmate, nothing more. Closing the magazine and tossing it aside, Luke got up and walked towards the exit. At least, that was what he had in mind but the moment he walked past Calum, the older boy grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down, causing him to trip backward and fall into Calum’s lap. When he tried to get up, Calum wrapped his arms around him, keeping him in place.

“Let me go,” Luke whined.

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” Luke sighed, the warmth coming from Calum’s naked chest was making him feel warm all over.

“If ever there’s something bugging you, you’d tell me?” Calum pressed his index under Luke’s chin and made him look at him.

“Yes,” Luke mumbled after looking away.

“Ok,” Calum unlocked his arms and motioned for Luke to go, like he wanted to.

If Calum had doubts before, after talking to Luke, he was certain something was wrong with him. The blonde could not even look him in the eyes to answer him. Calum definitely had to talk to Michael and Ashton. He knew he had meant to but had been pushing it for later but it seemed like the right time to do it. Maybe Luke would open up to them if they talked to him since they were older than him. He slid down on the couch, tapping his foot against the floor as he waited for the appropriate moment.

“What?” Michael asked sleepily.

“Shh… wake up, we need to talk,” Calum whispered; he had waited for three hours until he was sure Luke was deep in his sleep to go ahead with his plan.

Michael squinted at him. “Right now?”

“Yeah, come on. Ashton’s waiting.”

“Seriously?”

Calum again shushed him. “Be quiet, you’ll wake Luke up.”

Michael lazily dragged himself out of his bunk and followed Calum out of the bus that had stopped at a gas station. “It’s nearly midnight. You better have a good reason for waking me up.”

“Yeah, what is it that couldn’t wait until morning?” Ashton yawned.

“It’s Luke. Something’s wrong with him. He always stays away, on his own, nowadays.”

Ashton sighed. “Calum, we’ve already had that talk. There’s nothing wrong with him. It’s all just in your head.”

“It’s not my imagination, ok?” Calum said firmly. “The other night I went to his room. It was late and I thought he was sleeping but then I realised he was crying. I knew something was not fine.”

“Did you talk to him?” the drummer asked, his impatience turning to concern.

“I did but he told me he had a nightmare.”

Michael groaned. “So, you woke us up to tell us Luke had a nightmare? This is fucking awesome.”

“Look, I have seen tears in his eyes and I know it was not because of a nightmare. I tried talking to him again today but he could not even look into my eyes. Maybe you guys should try and talk to him. You guys are older maybe he’ll feel more comfortable?”

“You think if he didn’t tell you, he’ll tell us?” Ashton pointed out. “Besides, he’s younger than all of us. So, your point is irrelevant.”

“I dunno… it just bothers me to see him like this.”

“No offense buddy but you’re the only one who thinks or sees something,” Michael laughed. “We don’t even know what’s going on. Actually, he was hanging out with me earlier today. We had loads of fun.”

“Still, I want you to find out. Please?”

“Calum, Luke’s our best friend too. If he’s in some sort of trouble, we’ll definitely help him, right Michael?” Ashton slapped the other boy on the back when he realised he was not paying attention to the conversation anymore.

“Yeah, we’ll do what we can, if there’s something to do.”

“Alright but don’t tell him I told you. He’ll be mad at me.”

“Just relax, ok?” the oldest of them patted Calum’s shoulder.

“So, can we go back to bed now? I’m really tired and sleepy,” Michael yawned as he said the last part of his sentence.

**……….::::::::::……….**

Luke rolled onto his stomach and opened his eyes, squinting at his phone to see the time. It was 10:15 and judging by the silence on the bus, it seemed he was the only one there. Ashton and Michael had an interview at the venue at 10 and they probably were there. As for Calum, maybe he had just gone along with them because he had nothing to do. Luke let out a sigh, again closing his eyes and pulling the sheets over his shoulders; he could sleep for a few more hours or until somebody would come and get him for soundcheck, which was in the afternoon. He was moving his feet to the beat of the songs that he was singing in his head when he heard a soft whimper coming from the bunk across from his. No, that could not be Calum. He did not want to be alone, on the bus, with Calum.

 _‘Chill Luke, it’s probably not him,’_ he mentally tried to reassure himself although he could recognise Calum’s voice anywhere.

When he heard Calum yawn and shift in his bunk, he quickly closed his eyes and laid as still as he could; Calum would leave him alone if he knew Luke was asleep. All Luke had to do was pretend to be sleeping until Ashton or Michael or someone else from the crew, anybody else, showed up. Calum pulled open the curtain to Luke’s bunk, frowning at the other boy; Luke was lying on his stomach, with his head turned to the wall. There was no was Calum was going to wait alone. Smiling, he climbed into Luke’s bunk and lay on top of the younger boy.

“Luke, wake up, it’s noon,” Calum said against his cheek.

 _‘Liar,’_ Luke mentally rolled his eyes. “Get off me and lemme sleep,” Luke said in the sleepiest voice that he could muster.

“No, wake up. I’m bored.”

“Go awaaayyy…”

“Entertain me, Lucas.”

“Leave me alone and go play with yourself,” Luke tried to roll over to get Calum off him and throw him out of his bunk but Calum was positioned in such a way on his back that made it impossible for Luke to move from under him.

“Fine,” Calum sighed; if Luke wanted to be stubborn, so could he. He shifted and licked the shell of Luke’s ear.

“Gah, stop that. You know I hate it when you guys do that to me.”

“Yes, because you have ticklish little ears. Get up now.”

“No, go away and let me sleep.”

“No?” Calum asked playfully.

“No…”

“Your choice,” the brunette again leant forward and licked Luke’s ear.

“Stoppp…” Luke laughed. “Alright, I’ll get up. Get off me first.”

“Hurry up, I’m waiting for you for breakfast.”

Luke sighed and jumped out of his bunk before making his way to the kitchenette. Staring at nothing in particular, he poured himself some cereals and milk in a bowl. He dropped himself on a seat and shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Calum smiled as he emerged from the toilet while pulling on a shirt.

“Hey,” Luke mumbled, he wanted to tell Calum that he was wearing his shirt inside out but then decided against it; he would let the other figure it out by himself.

“Still grumpy because I woke you up?”

“No…” Luke replied; he stared at the bowl as he kept eating.

Calum looked around the kitchen and sighed. He was starving and they were out of bread. He knew that for a fact because the previous night he was hungry and had made himself sandwich out of the remaining slices of bread. He walked over to where Luke was sitting and grabbed the box of cereal, shaking it and making a face when he realised it was empty. Why were they out of food? Wasn’t there someone who was responsible for stocking food on their bus?

“Damn it! I’m hungry and there’s nothing to eat,” Calum whined.

“I’m sure you can find something in the fridge,” Luke shrugged, again bringing the spoon to his mouth.

“Why are we out of cereal? You opened that box only yesterday afternoon,” Calum commented as he scanned the contents of the fridge.

“Because I’m a grown-up man and I need to eat according to my stature.”

“Grown-up man, huh? Says the one who’s eating colourful cereals,” Calum snorted.

“I’m ignoring you.”

The blonde took his phone and went online but mumbled some curses when the page took an eternity to load before putting the phone aside. Calum turned around to look at Luke when he heard him whisper things to himself but then shook his head when he realised the reason for Luke’s frustration was the bad internet connection.

“What’s with the black thing on your arm?” Calum asked when he was standing next to Luke, his hands on his hips.

“What black thing?”

“This,” the older lad pointed to Luke’s lower arm.

“I dunno,” Luke frowned, trying to make out what was written.

_Me and Mikey went to the venue. Wait for someone to come and get you. See you at the hotel. XX_

_Ash_ was signed at the back of his hand.

“I guess they were you lazy to find some papers,” Calum muttered.

Luke pressed his teeth together as he rubbed his skin with his thumb. “Shit! Why would they write with permanent marker? Do you have any idea how hard it’s gonna be to get this stuff off?”

“Good luck,” Calum laughed, going back to find some food.

“Why me? Why my hand? Why couldn’t it be you?”

“I dunno. Maybe you were sleeping with your arm hanging out of your bunk as usual and Ashton or Michael thought it was easier to leave a note on your arm rather than finding a paper. Actually, thinking about it, I’m sure it’s Michael’s idea. Only he can come up with something like that. Stop doing that. Your skin is turning red. Stop rubbing it,” Calum said and Luke stopped to look at Calum, who was sitting across from him.

“Why are you having ice-cream?” Luke eyed the bowl in front of the other lad.

“Because it’s the only thing I found.”

“You’re weird. No one has ice-cream for breakfast.”

“Who cares?” Calum set his spoon in the bowl and licked the ice-cream that had gotten on his thumb.

Luke blinked and quickly looked away; he did not want incoherent thoughts to invade his mind at that time of the day. He stole a glance at Calum and shook his head when he noticed the brunette had another finger into his mouth. Sometimes, Luke could not help but wonder if Calum did those things because he thought he was cocky or was it all unintentional? Luke let out a sigh; Calum was sitting right in front of him and having ice-cream. After each spoonful, the older boy would set his spoon down and lick the ice-cream that had somehow gotten onto his finger. How was that possible? How was he managing to get that thing on his fingers so many times? Luke’s breathing fastened as he stared at Calum’s mouth while he sucked the white substance off his middle finger. His mind drifted off to that night where Calum was sucking him. Calum was kneeling between his parted legs and his head was bent down while his mouth busy with his penis.

“Luke, are you alright? Why are you so flush?”

Luke snapped out of his thought and tried to steady his breathing. “Can we open some windows? I don’t feel too well.”

“What’s wrong?” Calum bit his lips as he stared at Luke with concerned eyes.

“I need some fresh air.”

On that, Luke got up and exited the bus, ignoring Calum who was calling out for him. Their bus was in the parking lot of the venue and Luke wondered for a minute if he should go inside to meet Ashton or Michael. Finally he decided against it. He did not want to meet anyone, he wanted to be alone; thus he decided to go to the hotel. They had been there before and he knew the way to the hotel, which was only 20 mins away. The further away from Calum, the better it was for him. Luke exited the parking lot and walked in the direction he knew the hotel to be. He only hoped no one would spot him or he would not get mobbed by fans.

Luke took a right turn and kept walking. He tried to ignore the weird looks he was getting from people he passed by. He knew he looked ridiculous; the shirt he was wearing was so old that the colour had faded and it was no longer the bright blue it used to be when Luke had bought it, his pyjama pants were blueish-purple in colour and it had little rockets and stars on them, he was wearing green fuzzy slippers, which had big frog heads in the front and not to mention, he had a note written in black on his forearm. He looked like a complete clown at that moment but he did not care. Instead, he tried to concentrate on finding the hotel.

The blonde stopped, realising he did not know the street. He must have taken a wrong turn. Turning on his heels, Luke walked back in the direction that he had come from, again stopping when he reached a crossroad. He stared at the three roads in front of him, trying to remember which one of them led back to the venue or which one could possibly take him to the hotel. Truth was, he had been so lost in his thoughts, he had not paid attention to which road he was taking. He looked like an idiot, looking from left to straight ahead to right to left again several times, wondering what he should do.

“Maybe I should call someone and ask for help,” he mumbled to himself. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Shit! I can’t I left my phone on the bus. Serves me right for acting without thinking.”

Luke started walking in the direction that he hoped was the right one. At that point, if he safely reached either the hotel or the bus, he would consider himself lucky. He did not know how long he had been walking but it did seem like a long time and it started to worry him. Again stopping, he asked a middle-aged man for direction, feeling rather stupid when the man pointed at the hotel which was right behind him.

He mumbled something to himself as he entered his hotel room and briskly walked in the direction of the bed. Cursing, Luke grabbed the bedsheet and threw it on the carpet. Then he scattered the pillows on the floor before groaning and kicking the foot of the bed.

“Why did you do that?” Ashton, who had quietly been watching by the window, asked.

Luke blinked at the sound of a voice. He turned around to look at Ashton. “What?”

“Why did you just do that?”

“I… I dunno what you’re saying…”

“I saw what you did to the bed. Why did you mess it up?”

“I… huh… Is this my room?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Are we sharing?”

“No, my room’s next door,” Ashton pointed to the connecting door. Since that drama Luke started about needing his sleep and the guys snoring, management had been booking them separate rooms that are connected by a door, that way they would be alone without really being alone.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wow, I can’t even come into my friend’s room now?”

Luke frowned; that was not what he meant. He was only asking because Ashton was there before him. “Never mind…”

“Where’s Calum? Did he come along?”

“No, I left him on the bus.”

“Left him on the bus? What do you mean? No one came to get you?”

“No… I walked…”

“What? Why?”

Luke groaned at the thought of the older boy, the one responsible for everything that was going on in his life. “How can he just do that after having sex with me?”

The moment that question left Luke’s mouth, the room turned silent. Luke squeezed his eyes shut, already regretting his words. Ashton stared at him with his mouth opened in shock. Michael, who was entering the room and heard the last part of Luke’s question, which was more like a revelation, also stared quietly at the two while trying to regain his composure.

“What? Who had sex with you and then did something?” Michael asked, causing the other two to turn their heads at the same time and look at him.

“Nothing…” Luke mumbled. “No one…”

“It’s Calum,” Ashton replied and raised a challenging eyebrow when Luke glared at him.

“Calum had sex with you? When? How? Where?” Michael closed the door and walked further into the room.

“I don’t wanna talk about it…” Luke sighed.

“Calum was right after all. That’s why you’re keeping your distance from him, isn’t it?” Ashton questioned.

Luke let out another groan when he realised Michael or Ashton would not leave him alone until he told them what they wanted to know. “I’m not keeping my distance… it’s just… he’s so annoying.”

Ashton hummed. “I see.”

“So, sex with Calum, huh?” Michael smirked. “How come he never said a thing?”

“Because he doesn’t remember.”

“What? But how? When?” Michael asked while Ashton frowned.

“When? Huh… you guys remember that time when we went to the club and then Calum said he met that awesome girl?”

“That was you?” Ashton asked surprised while Michael wanted to laugh.

“Yes, that was me. And as for how? I think you guys pretty much have an idea about that.”

“But you both like girls, right?”

“Yes Ashton but we were both drunk when it happened.”

“So, it’s just that one time? Why don’t you just forget it and stop being weird with him?”

“No…” Luke carefully said.

“No?”

“It happened again when we were drunk… But it’s not happening again. Don’t worry.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’m not letting it happen,” Luke shrugged. “As for now, you guys have to promise not to say anything to anyone, especially Calum.”

“I promise,” Ashton nodded.

“What?” Michael asked when the younger boy looked at him pointedly. “Yeah, yeah…”

“Say it like you mean it.”

“Seriously? Fine. You have my word.”

“Good.”

Ashton let out a sigh, walking to the window again. Whatever it was, there was more to it than Luke was letting out and he would have to find out.

 

 


	6. To Give In Or Not To Give In?

Ashton glanced at Luke from the bed, as he strummed the guitar; Luke was sitting on the couch, playing on his laptop. He knew things were not as simple as Luke had put them but the real problem was that Ashton could not understand or figure out how complex things were. He knew there were certain things that Luke was keeping to himself but he did not know what they were.

“Luke, what is it that you’re not telling us?” Ashton finally asked after being in that room with Luke for one hour.

“What? What are you talking about? I’m not hiding anything,” Luke smiled but then frown at the screen.

“About Calum? Is there something else?”

“No… why would you say that? Damn it! I just keep losing,” Luke groaned.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” Luke said confidently.

 _Over-confidence._ Ashton nodded; Luke only ever used that tone when he did not want anyone to know what was going on in his head. “Alright. What are you playing, anyway?”

“Chess.”

Ashton hummed as he stared at the carpet. Luke was trying to play it cool but he could tell that the younger boy was lying; it was somewhat apparent on his face.

“What are you staring at?”

Ashton looked at the pillow that had hit him at the back of his head and then at Michael, who was sprawled on the bed, next to him. “When did you come back?”

“Few minutes earlier. What’s wrong with you? Where were you lost?”

“Nothing… just thinking. You two had fun?”

“Yeah, I bought myself some new shoes and Cal got some t-shirts. What have you two been up to?”

“Nothing… I was just messing around with the guitar and Luke, well, he’s been playing chess,” Ashton smiled.

“You mean, I’ve been losing at chess.”

“Where’s Calum?”

“Toilet,” Michael pointed to the bathroom door and at the same time, Calum opened the door and came out of the bathroom.

“Did I miss something?” the older boy looked at Michael and asked.

“No, not really. I was just talking to Luke but you were too lost in your thoughts to realise. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Ashton smiled; it was not the right time to tell Michael anything. He would when he was certain he was right.

At the same time, Calum dropped himself on the couch and wrapped his arm around Luke’s shoulders. Arm, which Luke immediately pushed away.

“Hey,” Calum smiled as he again threw the arm around Luke’s shoulder. He knew something was wrong with Luke and he had decided that the more Luke would push him away, the more he would go after him. Sooner or later, he would find out what the problem was and fix it.

The blonde made a face and tried to push Calum’s arm away again but Calum wrapped his other arm around him as well and locked them.

“Go away. You’re all sweaty and you stink,” Luke said as he struggled to get out of Calum’s hold.

“Really? Stop lying to yourself. You and I both know that out of the four of us, I smell best. So, why are you even trying?”

“I don’t care.” The younger boy turned his head to the side and bit Calum hard on his shoulder, causing him to let go.

“Bitch,” Calum mumbled as he wiped the saliva off his bare shoulder.

Ashton’s eyes followed Luke as the boy got up from the couch and moved to sit beside Michael on the bed. That was weird; Luke always liked to cuddle with Calum. With a playful smile on his lips, the bassist got up and followed Luke to the bed. Instantly, Luke groaned.

“Go away. Stop following me,” Luke whined, kicking Calum’s foot.

“I’m not following you. I came to hug my two best friends.” Calum settled between Michael and Ashton and threw his arms around them.

Luke creased his eyebrows. “What? I’m your best friend too.”

“Yeah, but I love these two more,” Calum laughed.

The younger boy knelt on the mattress and took hold of Michael’s foot, pulling him away. Ashton chuckled at the sight; when Calum was hugging him, Luke did not want him to and when Calum was hugging Michael, Luke did not want that either. What was it that Ashton could see on Luke’s face? Was that jealousy? Luke’s current reaction was definitely indicating that for him, it was not just sex; things were far more ahead than that in his head and maybe, in his heart. Ashton was brought back to reality when Michael’s elbow hit him in the ribs while he was wrestling with Luke, on the bed.

“Luke being dominated by Michael,” Calum snickered. “Where’s the camcorder? I totally got to film this.”

“I dunno,” Ashton shrugged.

“Luke was the one who had it last,” Michael said as he struggled to pin Luke down.

“Luke, give me the camera.”

“No,” Luke managed to let out while trying to get Michael off him.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?” Calum asked again.

“I just don’t want you to have it.”

“Fine,” the brunette sighed; if Luke did not want to give it to him, he was going to go through his stuffs and take it. It was that simple. “Why does it say ‘out of memory’? It’s not supposed to say that. And why is there no memory card in it?”

“Because I thkjdh…” part of Luke’s sentence was muffled, considering Michael was pressing his head into the mattress.

“What? Stop doing that, you’re hurting him. Get off him Michael.”

“No, he started it.”

“So? That doesn’t mean you have to act immature as well. Get off him,” Calum warned.

Michael sighed. “Whatever.”

“And what were you saying about the memory card?”

Luke brought his hand to his neck and rubbed it. “I threw it away.”

All three pairs of eyes turned in his direction. “What?”

“I threw it away,” Luke repeated.

“You’re kidding, right?” Ashton asked.

“Nope.”

“What? Why? I filmed some pretty cool stuffs on that.”

“I was going through it and found some really nasty things. So… I burnt it,” Luke looked at his bandmates, one at a time; his bandmates, who looked at him surprised.

“What do you mean, you burnt it?” Michael frowned. “You just don’t go and burn things because you didn’t like something.”

Luke shrugged. “I took a lighter and lit it up. The remains are still on the balcony. You can go and check if you don’t believe me.”

“You’re just a little piece of shit, you know that? Do you have any idea how many important stuffs there were on that?” Michael questioned.

“I don’t care.”

“That’s lame,” Calum tossed the camera on the nightstand.

“Hey, careful with that,” Ashton uttered. “You’ll break it.”

“Well, it’s kinds useless without memory.”

“Doesn’t mean you can break it. You guys are so irresponsible. Can never trust you with anything. From now on, this is staying with me.” On that, Ashton got up and left the room.

Michael looked at Calum then at Luke before tackling Luke on the mattress again.

**……….::::::::::……….**

Luke looked at the time and let out a sigh. They had a free day again and he had concluded if he stayed in his room all day, he would not have to be close to Calum. Things went fine all morning and afternoon but it was 5pm and Luke was getting restless. Taking his phone, he went to Ashton’s room, which was opposite his. He waved at Ashton and Michael, who were playing cards, before dropping himself face-down on the bed.

“Hi, Luke,” Michael laughed. “So, how are things going with Calum?”

“Huh? What?”

“You slept with him, did you forget? So, how are things going?”

Luke groaned. “There’s nothing between me and Cal.”

“I don’t understand one thing,” Ashton said thoughtfully. “You said you were both trashed. How come you remember and Calum doesn’t?”

“Yeah, actually, thinking about it, that did not cross my mind,” Michael nodded in agreement. “Tell us about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Oh, come on Luke. Aren’t we your best friends? If you don’t tell us, who else are you gonna tell?”

Luke again groaned; he knew it. He totally knew it. If Ashton or Michael knew, they would not leave him alone. If only he had been careful and not let anything slip past his lips.

“Come on, mate, tell us,” Michael urged. “Tell him, Ash.”

“Yeah, sharing what troubles you, always make you feel better,” Ashton smiled.

The younger boy sighed. “What do you want to know?”

“How can you remember if Calum doesn’t?” Ashton looked at him. “I mean if you remembered the first time and didn’t the second time, that would have made sense but you remembered both times and Calum none. It’s hard to understand.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Michael said loudly.

Luke shook his head; Ashton and his habit of talking for two minutes to convey a small message. “Well, the first time, huh, I wasn’t that drunk. I only had a few beers. I was the one who got us a cab and back to the hotel. I remembered when I woke up next to him. At first, I didn’t want to believe it; I felt sick and confused. I didn’t know how to face Calum or you guys but then Calum did not remember. He thought he was with a girl. So, I wanted to forget everything but then there was that video…”

“Video? What video?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

The blonde wanted to smack hard himself in the face; he really wished the floor would open up and swallow him. Most importantly, he needed to work on his ability to keep his mouth shut. “I found a recording on my phone, the next day, a mini video actually.” He looked at his friends before quickly adding, “Calum was the one who filmed it, not me.”

Ashton hummed. “What about the other time?”

Michael made a face, he wanted to know more about the video but Ashton spoke before him.

“Hmm… the second time… it was the night when we were all playing drinking games. You passed out and Michael, well, he was just laughing for no reason. Me and Cal went to my room. We kept playing the same game and then somehow in the middle it turned into ‘I dare you’. The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was that we were both in our boxers… I woke up next to him, naked…”

“That’s all very interesting but are you sure you had sex or are you just saying that because you were both naked? Because from what I understood, you passed out in your underwear,” Michael said, trying to join the dots together.

“Yeah.., that’s the thing. I did not remember but the camcorder was on the nightstand. I found a video on there as well,” Luke looked down at his feet; his face was heating up and he could not look at anyone at that moment.

“That’s why you got rid of the memory card.”

“Yeah…”

“Pfff…” Michael sighed. “I would have loved to see that.”

“Shut up! Don’t be a jerk.”

“And what about the one on your phone?”

“I deleted it. I didn’t want anyone to find it.”

“Lame,” Michael commented.

“So, the second time you were both equally drunk and you only remember because you watched a video?”

“Yes…” Luke nodded; there goes detective Ash and his interrogation, part 1.

“And the first time you remembered because you were only partly drunk?”

Luke hummed in response.

“Why did you do it then?”

“I dunno…”

“Because you secretly fancy Calum,” Michael laughed.

“No, I don’t,” if Luke did not know better, he would have said he was doing a good job handling the situation but he knew that was not the case; his ears were heating up and they probably were red from all the blood that were rushing upward.

“So, who bottomed and who topped?” Michael grinned. “Was it you saying ‘oh yes, yes, yes, do it harder baby’? Or was it Calum saying ‘fuck me Luke. I want you so bad’?”

Oh how Luke wished he had the power to make Michael shut up or maybe the power to not hear any more of the nonsense coming out of Michael’s mouth. Sadly enough, he possessed none and did nothing but sit there, embarrassed. Although he clearly remembered the exact words that had come out of his mouth; ‘fuck me like you did the other night’ he had whispered against Calum’s lips before kissing him.

“Why are you so red?” the three boys all simultaneously turned to look at Calum, who had entered the room.

“I… huh…” Luke closed his eyes, trying to come up with something to say; that had to be the most embarrassing situation that he had ever been in.

“Luke’s blushing because me and Ashton were teasing him about that girl we caught him making-out with,” Michael smiled.

“What girl?” Calum asked.

“Just a girl, the other night. She was one goddamned hottie,” Michael laughed.

“Shut up,” Luke mumbled, pushing some imaginary hair out of his eyes.

“Why do you two always tease him when I’m not around? That’s not cool. Don’t you two know that the youngest always deserve some extra care and attention?” Calum asked as he wrapped his arm around Luke’s shoulders.

“Duh… if he’s old enough to get his dick sucked, he’s old enough not to have us look out for him,” Michael rolled his eyes.

Luke closed his eyes. He did not want to be thinking about Calum sucking him when Calum had an arm around him. He also could not push Calum away because Ashton would get suspicious, not that he was not already. The blonde opened his eyes when his phone buzzed in his hand; it was a text from Michael. He looked at the other boy, who was wriggling his eyebrows, before opening the message.

_‘Does he give you a boner?’_

Luke’s mouth dropped open as he stared at Michael, who was snickering behind his hand. Michael could be such a prick sometimes, most of the time.

“Are we gonna get some drinks tonight?” Calum asked, dropping backward on the mattress and resting his head on his arms.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea,” Ashton smiled.

“Huh… I’ll pass. I’m gonna get some sleep. See you lads tomorrow,” Luke said with a tiny smile before waving at them and going back to his room.

He had just dropped himself on his bed when his phone again buzzed in his hand; another text from Michael.

_‘Having dirty thoughts involving Cal’s dick yet?’_

Luke groaned and tossed the phone aside. He had the impression he would be having a hard time because of Michael.

**……….::::::::::……….**

Four hour later, Calum entered his room and sighed when he looked at Luke, who was sprawled on the bed.

“Is there any way I can change your mind?” the brunette asked as he walked over to the other boy.

“No, I don’t wanna go to the club.”

“Who said anything about going to the club?”

Luke blinked at him. “You guys said you’re gonna get some drinks.”

“Yeah, but we’re only going downstairs, to the bar. Come on, let’s go. It’ll be fun.”

To the club or to the bar, he had no intentions of drinking with Calum. “Nah… I’ll still pass.”

“You really need to stop being so anti-social and go out. That’s totally not like you. You love going out and partying.”

“I… huh…” Luke started but no excuses came to his mind. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“There’s really no way to convince you to come with us.”

“No… don’t worry about me. You guys have fun.”

“But…”

Luke again dropped himself on the bed after ushering Calum out of the door, fifteen minutes later. The other boy was being adamant and it took lots of patience and convincing from Luke to finally get him out of his room. The blonde drummed his fingers against his stomach as he thought back to things. Nothing was going the way he wanted. After sleeping with Calum once, he had decided not to let it happen again but in the end, it did. He wanted to keep everything to himself and forget all that had happened but unintentionally, he blurted everything out to Michael and Ashton. He wanted to get away from Calum but somehow, he always found himself alone with the older boy. To add to it, thoughts that he did not want to be having about Calum always found a way to creep into his head. That had to be the worst phase that he had ever been through.

“What am I gonna do? I really need to find a solution. Robert? I could really use some help.”

“Hmm… let’s see how delicate things are. Judging by the look on Ashton’s face, we could say that he’s not yet satisfied with the answers and explanations that we’ve given.”

“Yeah, that’s right. He is indeed suspicious,” Luke mumbled.

“But since it’s Ashton we’re talking about. He’s not gonna press things or force things out of us. So, we’re safe as long as we’re careful. As for Michael, well, he’s gonna be a big pain in the ass. Telling him was a big mistake.”

“I know but it was an accident,” Luke sighed. “I didn’t want to tell him or Ashton anything; it just came out of my mouth. Besides, it would not have been cool if I had told Ashton and not Michael. They are both my best friends.”

“Yeah? Calum’s your best friend too. You might as well tell him because it’s not ‘cool’ to keep it from him.”

“Thank you Robert but I don’t need your sarcasm. It’s different with Calum. Can’t tell him.”

“Why not? Telling him was the most important thing to do when you woke up next to him. Any smart man would have known that.”

“I don’t know about being smart but I’m being rational. Telling him could really mess things up between us.”

“You and I both know that you like him. So, what’s the problem?”

“Just because I like him, it does not mean things get easier. And I’m not even sure I like him.”

“Did you forget I’m you? I know how you feel when he get close to you. Or when he’s around you and not paying attention to you. Or when…”

“Shh…” Luke pressed his index to his lips and whispered when he heard some noises in the room next to his; Calum was back.

“Go and tell him…”

The blonde pressed his palm against his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. He did not want to do that. Still, he found himself walking in the direction of the connecting door. Luke tiptoed to the bed where he could see Calum lying down. Quietly, he lifted the sheet and got under it. Biting his lips, he inched closer to the bassist and wrapped his arm around the other boy’s waist, causing Calum to turn around in the embrace. Without thinking, Luke pressed his lips to Calum’s collarbone before pressing light kisses to his skin.

“Luke? What are you doing?”

Luke’s eyes shot open as he pulled away; Calum was not drunk. _‘Fuck!’_ Luke thought to himself; he felt so stupid. Faking a laugh, he tried to recompose himself. “I’m just teasing you.”

“I miss hanging out with you,” Calum said as he also wrapped his arm around Luke.

Luke frowned in the darkness. So, that was how things were. The only time he could be with Calum was the time that Calum was drunk. Suddenly, life seemed unfair for totally different reasons. That was not done. He had to do something about it. The blonde closed his eyes and let the steady breathings of the older boy lull him to sleep.

 

 


	7. Reality Check

Calum took a sip of his coffee and placed his cup on the nightstand before setting his laptop in his lap, checking his e-mails again. He had done that already that morning but he felt like doing it again. He had an e-mail from Luke? Calum frowned at it. Why would Luke send him an e-mail when he was right next door? That was odd. The weirdest part was that Luke had never sent him an e-mail before. Usually, he would get texts, phone calls or dms from Luke but an e-mail; that was new. Shrugging, he opened it.

_Dear Calum,_   
_I know that you think I’ve been avoiding you since a few weeks and you’re right; I have._

Calum raised an eyebrow at the screen; that was quite straight-forward. Luke was really avoiding him; he knew it was not a part of his imagination, like Ashton had been telling him.

_So, the thing is… I don’t really know how to tell you this. Or most precisely, I didn’t know how to tell you but now, I just think you should know. Shits have happened between us and the worst thing is that I’m the only one who remembers. Unfair, right? But I guess that’s how life works. As always, the only thing that you don’t want is what you’ll get. Ugh… I’m sick of having to be the only one who has to live with it every fucking single day. Anyways, I thought that maybe if I refresh your memory, you’ll remember too. Here’s a little something for you. Have fun._

Calum looked at the attachment at the bottom before clicking on it.

_Luke closed his eyes and breathed through his slightly opened mouth; the look on his face clearly indicated that he was in pain. On the other hand, Calum smiled goofily but then creased his eyebrows in concentration. He bit the left side of his bottom lip and lifted a hand to tease his own nipple, letting out a laugh at the same time. Slowly, he grabbed Luke’s ankles, one by one, and set the blonde’s feet on his shoulders._

_“Hiii, this is how Mista Magi-Cal fucks The Hemmster. Like a pro… this is how we do it.”_

_Luke pressed his interlinked fingers against his forehead and tried to steady his breathing while Calum trailed a hand down Luke’s chest and then looked at his penis that was going in and out of Luke’s ass._

_“What are you doing?” Luke panted._

_“Nothing…”_

Calum stared at the screen when the video stopped. What the hell did he just watch? He needed a minute to let that sink in. No, his brain was clouded with confusion and it needed more than a minute to process that. Did he just watch a video where he was having sex with Luke, his best friend? No, he probably was dreaming because that would not have been possible. Calum brought his hands to his face and tapped himself on the cheeks a few times before looking at his laptop again. Nope, he was definitely awake; the e-mail was a proof of that. Then it caught his eyes, another e-mail from Luke. The brunette hesitated, with shaky fingers, he reached for the mousepad and opened it.

_Shocking right? I know it is said that lightning never strikes twice at the same place but guess what? It was not the only time. It makes me wonder how you end up forgetting things because it clearly is not the case with me. Do you have a secret formula? A magic spell? Is it voodoo? I wonder if you really do forget or do you just pretend to? If you are, that’s a really shitty thing to do. You’re messing with me and my head. So, fuck off._

Calum frowned; that was a rude message. He had no idea what Luke was talking about. He knew he did like to mess with Luke, they all did, but only in a fun kind of way, to annoy him, not to hurt him. And what did Luke mean by ‘it was not the only time’? Deciding to ponder about that later, he opened the other attachment.

_Luke enclosed his arms tighter around Calum’s neck and tilted his head backward, giving Calum more access to his neck. He pecked the pale skin and left a series of wet kisses down Luke’s chest to his lower abdomen, licking and nibbling on the skin there. Locking eyes with the blonde, Calum slowly opened his mouth and took the head of Luke’s penis between his lips, almost instantly closing them around it. Gently he sucked on the exposed head before rolling his tongue around it. He held Luke’s gaze as he slid his mouth along the length. He pulled back completely before taking him in again. Calum sucked powerfully on Luke’s erection, hollowing his cheeks in the process. One of his hands reached past the younger boy’s penis to his testicles…_

Calum opened his mouth and swallowed hard when the video abruptly stopped. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and his mouth felt unusually dry. It was like he was frozen on the spot, unable to move and unable to think. He stayed like that for long minutes, until his stomach started to flip and do somersaults inside. He had his mouth around Luke’s dick? Suddenly he was not feeling sick anymore but rather disgusted. The brunette stormed into the bathroom and squirted a large amount of toothpaste onto his brush, immediately brushing his teeth. It was a stupid thing to do but it did make him feel better. With a towel pressed against his mouth, he walked back into his hotel room. He looked around himself and sighed; honestly, he was confused as to what he should feel or think. Calum looked at the laptop and frowned. Taking it, he went to Luke’s room.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” Calum banged the door behind him and asked.

“What?” Luke looked up from his guitar and frowned.

“Why would you do such a thing?”

Luke stared at the older boy; what was Calum talking about? Was he talking about them having sex? If that was the case, it was not entirely Luke’s fault. Actually, it was not his fault at all because he clearly remembered it was Calum who had started everything the first time it happened and he was certain that was what happened the second time as well.

“Listen, it’s not my fault…”

“Not your fault? Who’s the one who sent me those e-mails then? The queen?”

Luke formed an ‘O’ with his mouth. “You wanted to know what was bugging me, so…”

“So? You just decide to send me an e-mail?”

“Yep,” Luke said casually.

“Are you fucking out of your mind? Have you thought about the consequences? What if somebody just hacks into my account and gets hold of those? What would happen then? That thing would be all over the internet. If you wanted me to see them, you could just have shown me. Why e-mail them to me? If you didn’t want me to see them while you were there, you could have copied them to my laptop and left me a note. But no, Mr Luke had to be a giant dick, who does not use his brain, and e-mail me those.”

The blonde blinked at Calum several times; that was not how things were supposed to go. He sent those videos to Calum because he was mad at him, mad because alcohol was the reason they could be together, not that he wanted to be with Calum or anything. Technically, he should be the one who was shouting because he was the one who had been used. Used? Was that even the case? Luke opened his mouth to talk but Michael beat him at it.

“What’s with all the commotion? I could hear you two yelling from Ashton’s room,” Michael said as he entered the room, followed by Ashton.

“I wasn’t yelling, he was,” Luke creased his eyebrows and pointed at Calum.

Ashton turned to face Calum. “What’s up mate? Why are you so mad?”

“Ask him what he did,” Calum glared at the younger boy.

“I didn’t do anything,” Luke mumbled.

Calum let out a sarcastic laugh. “Really? This is fucking great. I’m mad at him because that’s what he deserves. Look at the e-mail he sent…”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Michael raised his hands and halted him. “All this scene because he sent you an e-mail? Don’t you think you’re over-reacting?”

“Yeah, Michael’s right. Calm down, buddy.”

The brunette sighed. “You guys don’t understand.” He took the laptop and handed it to Michael.

Michael looked at the screen and then at Calum. “Why are you mad if you didn’t open the e-mail?”

“What? I did.”

“Nope,” Michael shook his head.

The brunette again pulled the laptop from Michael to look at it; he had a new e-mail from Luke. Without wasting time, he opened it.

_Yeah, so I forgot to mention that I have the full version of that mini clip. A 42 minute long video. The blowjob was just a teaser. I seriously hope you enjoyed it *laugh*_

Calum lifted his eyes to glare at Luke before giving the laptop back to Michael. Ashton settled on the bed, next to the boy and the two immediately busied themselves. Luke looked in their direction and kept his eyes glued to them. The room was silent, until they played the video and then it went silent again once the video stopped. They lifted their eyes to look at Calum and then at Luke. Calum was standing by the window, staring outside and Luke bit his lips as he stared at his two friends. With the way they were looking at him, he was definitely not feeling comfortable at all. He had only wanted Calum to see those videos, not Ashton and Michael. If he had wanted them to see them, he would have shown them a long time ago, he would not have told them that he got rid of them.

“Maybe you shouldn’t see the second one,” Luke said quickly when they turned their eyes back to the screen.

Michael turned to look at him. “I thought you said you got rid of them.”

“I lied,” Luke shrugged; people did not go to hell for lying, or did they? Honestly, he did not care about that at that moment. With the way his cheeks were heating up from the embarrassment, he wished he was anywhere else other than in that room, with his three best friends looking right at him.

“You lied? For two weeks I’ve been asking you to show me and for two weeks you’ve been lying, saying you got rid of them?”

“I… huh… I didn’t want anyone to see them.”

“Well, it’s too late for that.”

On that, Michael and Ashton turned their attentions to the e-mail. Luke pressed his palms against his ears when the other video started. Oh, how he wished he could disappear into thin air. He was going through a moment of epic embarrassment and he was not sure he would be able to face his friends afterwards. Why did such things always happen to him? Luke groaned inwardly.

“Now you see why I’m mad at him. What if this falls into the wrong hands?”

“You’ve got a point. It could become a major scandal,” Ashton agreed.

“Exactly. Why can’t he understand that? When is he gonna start thinking like an adult?”

“What do you mean?” Luke raised an eyebrow. “I’m immature?”

“Yes, you are.”

Luke placed his hands on his hips. “Yeah? Well, I’d rather be childish than be an adult who would just put his dick into anything on two legs.”

“At least I’m not the one who would let people shove things in my ass.”

“I think this is getting a little too personal,” Michael whispered to Ashton.

“Do you think we should get involve?” Ashton whispered back.

“Yes, definitely,” Michael mumbled when the two other boys stepped closer to each other.

“You take Calum and I’ll handle Luke.”

Michael shook his head. “No, not a chance. You take Calum and I’ll handle Luke.”

They nodded at each other before walking in the younger boys’ direction. Ashton wrapped an arm around Calum’s waist and dragged him out of the room while Michael took Luke’s arm and pulled him away from Calum and towards the window.

“Let me go, Michael,” Luke shook his hand, trying to get rid of Michael’s grip that was around his wrist.

Michael looked at the door that just closed and then released Luke’s hand. “He’s gone. Calm down.”

“How can he say those things to me?”

“Not to take anybody’s side or anything, you can’t really blame him.”

The younger boy rolled his eyes at that. “You’re already siding him.”

“No, I’m not. All I’m saying is that you have to give him some time. He just found out that he had sex with his best friend. To add to it, the way you chose to disclose that to him was not the best.”

“What did you expect me to do? Drop my pants in front of him?”

“No, you could have talked to him, ease him into it and then maybe show him the video. If you want to drop your pants afterwards, be my guest,” Michael smiled.

“You’re just a jerk,” Luke also smiled.

“But at least I made you smile.”

“You’re right,” Luke sighed. “Maybe I overreacted. I should have given it a good thought before.”

Michael smiled; he knew reasoning Luke would be easy. “Anyways, what has been done, has been done. Now, you’ve got to fix things up.”

“What have I done? What if Calum does not want to speak with me? He must hate me.”

“Then maybe you should try to talk to him.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Luke nodded after thinking about it.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked when Luke got up.

“To talk to Calum?”

“Are you crazy? Right now, he’s angry. Let him calm down first. You can talk to him later.”

“Ok…”

“Lighting, magic spell, voodoo? Where did all that come from?”

“I dunno… I guess I was just mad, furious.”

“Furious? If you get such kind of inspiration when you’re furious, we definitely should get you furious during our song writing sessions,” Michael joked.

“Stop making fun of me.”

“So, are you gonna show me the long version of that video?” Michael smirked.

“What? I’ve embarrassed myself enough.”

“I’m your best friend.”

“Reason more not to show it to you.”

“It’s not like I’ve never seen either of you naked,” Michael shrugged.

“Fuck off. I’m not showing you or anyone else.”

“What about Calum?”

“Not even Calum.”

“Seriously? Can’t I change your mind?”

“No.”

**……….::::::::::……….**

“You’ll feel better if you sit down instead of pacing back and forth while glaring at the door.”

“He’s my best friend. How could he do that to me?”

“You know how Luke is. Sometime, he just doesn’t think, he just act. But that does not mean he wanted to hurt you.”

“I don’t even know if what he said is true.”

“But you saw the video, right?”

Calum sighed. “They may be fake.”

“Fake?” Ashton laughed. “Didn’t you recognise yourself or Luke?”

“I did but I don’t remember any of that happening.”

“Luke said that the first time was that time you thought you brought that girl back.”

“I was with him?”

“I think so… I wasn’t with any of you, so I don’t know. But if Luke’s saying, it must be true.”

“Fuck! This is so messed up.”

“Yeah, it is but hey, people do stupid things every day. So, cheer up.”

“I’m not mad that we had sex,” Calum mumbled as he played with the hem of his shirt.

“Then? What is it?”

“I’m more mad because he sent me those videos by email. I’m mad because he couldn’t sit down with me and show them to me. I’m mad because I asked him what was wrong so many times but he only pushed me away. I’m mad because he told you what happened but he did not think of me worthy to tell me. I’m also betting that he told Michael. Am I right?”

“Yeah, he did…” Ashton slowly said.

“See, totally unworthy.”

“It’s not like that. He did not want to tell us. He just kind of blurted it out one day. Calum, try to understand him. It must have been hard for him because he was the only one who remembered. In his place, I’d totally have lost it. I think he handled things rather maturely.”

“I called him immature,” Calum mumbled.

“Yeah, I know.”

“He must hate me.”

“Shut up. Get that thought out of your head. Michael is with him and I’m sure he’s better that ok. Are you still angry?”

“No…”

“You’re not going to fight with Luke again if I leave you on your own, are you?”

“No, Ashton. I’m not.”

“Cool, see you later.”

Calum looked at Ashton’s retreating figure and then at the closed door. He had sex with Luke? What had he been thinking? How the hell did he let that happen? How drunk was he? Because he certainly did not remember any of those events. The bigger question was: why did Luke even let it happen? Was Luke even drunk? If he was, how come he remembered? Calum creased his eyebrows as he scratched his head. If he slept with Luke and did not remember, it was very much probable he did other things when he was drunk and could not remember. One thing was certain: he was dangerous when he was drunk. Dangerous? The normally inoffensive Calum, dangerous? Things were certainly not alright in his life and he would not have known, had Luke not sent him those videos. Did he secretly like Luke? The brunette shook his head at the thought. That could not be. He had known Luke most of his life; Luke was his best friend. He was screwed.

**……….::::::::::……….**

Luke opened the door to Calum’s hotel room and stood in the doorway, wondering whether he should go in or not. After gently knocking on the door, he took two steps forward. Calum was sitting on the bed with a towel wrapped around his hips and another one hanging from his shoulders, probably to dry his still damp hair.

“Can I come in?”

“Since when do you ask?”

“I don’t know… maybe you don’t want to see me,” Luke shrugged.

“Luke, we’re in the same band, we’re best friends; how can I not want to see you?”

“Because I did something that deserves that. Because you’re mad at me.”

“Yeah, but I’m not anymore.”

Luke took a seat next to Calum and looked at him. “I’m sorry. I really am. You’re right, it was very immature of me to send those videos by e-mail. I didn’t think about what could have happened.”

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t try to find out what was bugging you.”

“No,” Luke shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. You did ask me, not one time but several times. I’m the one who didn’t tell you anything.”

“Yeah, but I should have tried harder. You’re my best friend. I should have been able to tell what was wrong with you, without you even saying a word.”

“But you can’t be blamed if I shut you out.”

“You know, I had no idea. I wished you had told me earlier. How did things happen?”

“All I know is that you were drunk and I was drunk. You started things and I didn’t pull away. One thing lead to another and I woke up naked next to you.”

“Shit! This is bad,” Calum breathed.

“No, it’s not,” Luke smiled.

Calum frowned. “What?”

“Well, it was bad but now it’s not. I think it’s in our best interest if we forget anything ever happened between us. We could pretend nothing ever happened and go back to how things were before.”

The brunette was confused; if Luke wanted to forget things, why did he sent the videos to Calum? Why did he even let Calum know about it? “Okay…”

“Yeah, I’ve missed having my best friend. I’ve missed hanging out with you. I’ve missed cuddling with you. I want all that back.”

“I’ve missed you too. I didn’t like it one bit when you were avoiding me or ignoring me when I was talking to you.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“So, are we all good?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Luke laughed.

“Can I get a hug now?”

“Of course.”

Calum smiled as he wrapped his arms around Luke, holding him close. He had not realised how much he had missed hugging him until he was doing it again. On the other hand, Luke closed his eyes as he tried to distract his mind. He did not want to be thinking about Calum’s naked chest that was pressed against his or how warm the skin of Calum’s back felt under his hands. He did not want to think about Calum being naked under that towel. No, he was moving on from that. Calum was only his best friend and nothing more. The two boys smiled at each other when they pulled away.

“Now that everything has been settled between us, why don’t we go out and get a couple of drinks?” Calum proposed, his smile never faltering.

“I have a better idea. Why don’t we stay in and play some video games or watch a movie?”

“Ok, sounds cool. We could play some video games.”

“Video games it is then,” Luke nodded.

“Let me get some clothes on.”

“Hurry up and prepare yourself to lose.”

“In your dreams, baby. You’re the one who’s gonna lose.”

“We’ll see, baby,” Luke imitated Calum and laughed.

 

 


	8. A New Turning Point

Calum stared at the plain ceiling of his room as he let his mind wander. It had been a month since a new twist had been added to his life. It had been a month since Luke had sent him those e-mails. It had been a month since he had learnt he had sex with Luke Hemmings, his best friend. It had been a month since that thought had been eating him inside. It had been a month since he came to know that everyone knew he had sex with Luke, except for himself. It had also been a month since Luke had apologised and had told him they should forget everything and move on. One day, that one particular day, Luke had turned his world upside down and had also set it right, within hours. No matter what he did, he always ended up thinking about those e-mails, those videos and of course, Luke’s rude messages.

He knew Luke had told him to forget but that was the thing. How do you forget such a thing? How do you forget you had sex with the guy you grew up with? How do you undo seeing something you saw? How do you undo seeing your mouth around someone else’s dick? If Luke wanted him to forget, what was the whole point of showing them to him, in the first place? Why couldn’t he have ignored everything and pretended nothing had ever happened between them? Why did Luke do that? He wanted Luke to answer those questions but he did not know how to ask; he somewhat felt… embarrassed? But that was Luke, his best friend, his bandmate, the one who could understand him best; the need to be embarrassed did not even arise. With that in mind, Calum got up and made his way to Michael and Luke’s apartment, which happened to be in the same building.

**O.O.O.O.O**

Luke turned off the lights in his room, leaving only the two that were on the bedside tabled on. He licked his lips as he trailed his hand down his chest and stomach to his boxers, to cup himself through the material, causing a shiver to run down his spine. Slowly, he squeezed himself, doing it continuously, while he bit the pierced side of his bottom lip and rubbed one of his nipples with his other hand. Trailing the hand slightly up, he slipped his fingers under the elastic of his boxers and tugged on his penis lightly. The blonde hissed when he felt himself harden against his palm. He had wanted to touch himself for so many days but was either too busy or too tired to do it and Luke was glad he had waited; somehow, the wait had built up the pleasure and excitement in him. Pulling the hand out, Luke lifted his hips off the mattress and peeled off his boxers, to toss it aside.

Without wasting time, he wrapped his fingers around his semi-erected penis and pumped it at a steady pace. He licked his lips as he let his mind drift to Calum. He wanted Calum to lie on top of him and lick his neck. He wanted Calum’s hand to be working up and down his penis, jerking him off. He wanted Calum to kiss the sense out of him. He wanted Calum to settle between his legs and rub their erections together. Luke let out a moan as the speed of his hand increased. He could feel the tension building up in his lower stomach and Luke slowed down because he did not want it to end yet. The blonde moved his hand to touch his balls while he pinched his nipple at the same time. He squeezed his balls a few times before moving his hand back to fist his penis. He alternated the grip that his hand had around his penis and then went on to tease the head of his erection with his thumb.

Letting go of himself, Luke reached under his pillow and pulled out a bottle of lube. He squirted a generous amount onto his fingers and trailed them past his balls, to his hole. Luke hissed when the cold substance made contact with his skin but he teased himself with his middle finger nonetheless. Tentatively, he pushed the tip inside and slowly moved it in and out. Soon enough, another finger found its way in as he again toyed with his nipple, the other one this time. Luke fingered himself the way he remembered Calum doing it to him. In his head, those were Calum’s fingers, which were working their ways in and out of him. The blonde trailed his other hand down his stomach and wrapped his fingers around his penis again. His hips moved impatiently on the mattress, his breathing was irregular and heavy and his body was covered with tiny droplets of sweat. Luke closed his eyes and moaned Calum’s name as he came onto his stomach.

He let his penis fall limp against his stomach and wiped his hand in the bedsheet, a smile playing on his lips as he lay on the bed, trying to catch his breath. Eventually, he pulled his fingers out of his ass and also wiped them onto the white bedspread. Closing his eyes, he let out a happy sigh as he pulled the blanket over himself. Calum closed his mouth, which had been opened for quite some time, before closing the door to Luke’s bedroom. What had he just witnessed? Why did he even stay for so long? Why did he not leave when he saw Luke cupping himself through his boxers? Deciding to ignore those questions that he had intended to ask Luke, Calum quietly walked back to his own apartment instead of standing in the corridor, with an idiotic expression on his face. It was nearly midnight and a good night sleep would probably erase whatever he had just seen. With that hope, the brunette climbed into his bed and closed his eyes.

**O.O.O.O.O**

Again turning to the other side, Calum scrunched his face. He patted the mattress next to him, in search of his phone, and immediately checked the time when he found the device. It was nearly 1a.m and he could not sleep; for some reasons, his mouth and throat felt dry. The brunette yawned and rubbed his eye with the back of his hand as he made his way to the kitchen. He shook his head when he noticed an open box of pizza on the counter, probably left there by Ashton because the older boy was always too lazy to clean up his mess at night, but Calum ignored it and poured himself some water. He down the cool liquid in one go and set his glass in the sink before going back to his room. Stopping in front of the mirror that was in the hallway to look at himself, Calum sighed; he looked so tired, his face was puffy and he even had eye-bags. Preparing for the new tour was more tiring than it actually looked like and it was definitely showing on his face.

Calum exhaled and made his way to his room. He had been really tired lately and… horny. He settled on his back on the bed and slipped a hand inside his boxers. Almost immediately, he moved his hand around, rolling his balls between his fingers, and hissed; his hand felt so good around his penis and balls. The bassist lazily stroked his penis as he rested his head on his other arm that was folded under it. That was exactly how Luke had a hand in his underwear and was playing with himself. Calum’s hand abruptly stopped and he made a face. He did not want thoughts of Luke to creep into his head while he was jerking off. He did not want thoughts of Luke masturbating to occupy his mind. It had been two and a half weeks but Calum could still not get the image of Luke lying naked on his bed, jerking himself off while fingering his ass, out of his head. He tried not to think about it but he could not help it. That was actually the reason for the long hours that he spent lying in his bed at night, unable to sleep and thus, looking as tired as he did.

“Fuck it!” Calum groaned, pulling his hand from his boxers.

Luke, Luke, Luke; there was not a day that passed without Calum thinking about what happened between them. Around his friends, he was fine because they did keep his mind busy but whenever he was all by himself that was when those things invaded his mind. He still did not understand why Luke had to let him know. He was certain things would have been easier if he was still ignorant. The only good thing that happened out of that whole mess was that Luke was no longer avoiding him and things between them were like before. He was glad Luke was able to forget everything and move on because the younger boy was acting like nothing ever happened between them and he was back to being his clingy and annoying self. However, that was not the case with him; he could not forget. He could not forget how his penis was going in and out of Luke’s ass or how his mouth was sliding up and down the length of Luke’s penis.

The brunette sighed and shifted on the bed. He was not going to spend another sleepless night, thinking about Luke or his naked body. If he could not sleep, he was not going to let Ashton sleep either; that was what a housemate was for: to keep you company. Calum made his way to the drummer’s room but slowed down when he heard voices on the other side of the door; voices that belonged to Ashton and Michael. Michael? What was he doing there? Calum knew they all stayed in the same building but that was the third night that week that Michael was staying at their apartment and it was only Thursday. He wondered what Ashton and Michael kept talking about all the time. Leaning closer, Calum quietly pressed his ear against the door.

“I don’t know man. Luke looks like he’s moved on,” Ashton said.

“No I don’t think so. I think he’s just pretending.”

“Why that?”

“Do you think he was able to move on, so fast and so easily?”

“Maybe…” Ashton shrugged. “Don’t you think that’s possible?”

“I don’t know… maybe you’re right. It was a sex thing anyway. So, it’s easy to forget.”

“What about Calum?”

“Calum looks alright. It doesn’t look like things affected him,” Michael said after a long minute. “Besides, he doesn’t know like the complete thing with all the details and all. All he knows is that they had sex. So…”

“But he was really mad at Luke when he found out,” the older boy stated.

“Yeah but that was because of the way Luke had chosen to let him know everything. I’d have gotten mad as well. So, I wouldn’t worry about Calum, he’s strong.”

“I know…”

“But he’s an idiot though. In his place, I’d have asked Luke for the long version of that video.”

Ashton laughed. “Why?”

“I mean, don’t you ever wonder? What else did they do? The video is 42 mins long. The piece we saw showed Calum sucking Luke. Did Luke return the favour? Did they do some other kind of kinky things? What else did they do?”

“Kinky things? I doubt that because they were both drunk. And to answer your questions, I do not wonder what else they did because I’m not a pervert, which you are.”

“What? I was just wondering, out of curiosity. Aren’t you ever curious, Ashton?”

“I am but not in this case. If things were up to you, I’m betting you’d have gone through Luke’s things to find that video.”

Michael smiled sheepishly. “Well, I did think of doing it but then I didn’t do it because that would be invading Luke’s privacy.”

“You’re such a dickhead.”

“What? No…”

Calum moved away as the two started bickering. Without making any noise, he went back to his room. It was not just him after all; even his friends did spend their time thinking and talking about him and Luke. As he lay on his bed, something Michael had said caught his attention. The video was so long, what else did they do? He had been so caught up with Luke and his dick and his ass that he had completely overlooked that detail. Was the video really 42 minutes long? Or did Luke say that to make him feel worse than he already was? Was there even a video? If there were, shouldn’t Luke have showed it to him? He had seen himself fucking Luke. He had seen himself sucking Luke. What else happened? Did Luke fuck him too? Calum’s eyes widened as he squeezed his legs together tightly. No, that could not have happened. He would not have allowed it, would he? But he was drunk and could not remember; anything might have happened.

Then something else caught his attention. He had never felt any physical or emotional attraction towards Luke, then who started things? Who had made the first move? Was it mutual? Or did one of them start something and then the other gave in? Was Luke the only one who bottomed or did he do it too? Honestly, that question scared him. If ever he was to let a guy fuck him, he would definitely wish to remember it, not that he planned on doing it. Actually, he planned on staying a virgin for the rest of his life; that is, if he still was one. He had to ask Luke, he needed to know because he knew his mind would not be at peace if he did not know that answer. That was what he would do the next morning, after getting some sleep, which he badly needed.

**O.O.O.O.O**

“What are you doing?” Luke frowned; he had been looking at the boy in front of him for the past two minutes and he had still not moved an inch.

Calum turned to look at Luke, who was standing behind him, and then looked at the door, which he had been staring at for the past ten minutes; he had been wondering whether he should knock or go back to his apartment. Actually, two days ago, he had gone to Luke and Michael’s apartment to ask Luke about the video but after reaching the door and looking at it for a few minutes, he went back home to sleep because he could not muster enough courage to go in and talk to Luke.

“Calum?” Luke kept his eyes on the boy as he poked him in the ribs.

Calum laughed. “Yeah, I came to hang out with you. Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Luke smiled and unlocked the door, following Calum inside.

“Where’re you coming from?”

“Shopping. The only things we have left are frozen pizzas. So, how come you’re here?”

“Huh… all Michael ever does is come over at mine and hang out with Ashton. I figured I’d do the same.”

“That’s sweet.”

“What’d you buy? I’m kinda hungry.”

“I bought bread, spaghetti, potatoes, peanut butter and this and this,” Luke went on as he emptied the bag on the counter. “No, you don’t get to take my cereals. They are only for me. There’s already Michael who steals them all, you can’t do the same.”

Calum ignored Luke’s rant and poured some into a bowl before adding some milk. “What were you saying?”

Luke shook his head at him and he made his way to his room to change into something else, something more comfortable for home. The brunette grabbed his bowl of cereal and followed the other boy. He dropped himself on the bed as he watched Luke shuffle around the room. He took a bite and ran over things in his head. Should he ask Luke already or should he wait? What should he even ask Luke? What should he say? _Hey Luke, I want to see the video._

“Where are you lost again?” Luke asked as he took a seat in front of Calum.

“Nowhere… I was just thinking about the tour,” Calum lied.

“Yeah, I can’t wait. I’m buzzing with excitement,” the younger boy smiled, biting the pierced side of his lower lip.

Calum’s eyes followed the action and replayed it again in his head, in slow motion; that was such a sexual thing to do. He frowned at himself. Why did he just think that? Luke always did that. The brunette’s eyes stayed on Luke’s lips as he licked them. He had kissed those lips and watching them made him wonder how they felt against his. How did they feel against his skin? Luke’s skin; Calum wondered how it felt under his hands or how his penis felt in his mouth. He had never sucked a guy before, did it feel weird? His eyes trailed to Luke’s naked chest and he looked at the younger boy’s nipples. Did he play with them? Was fucking Luke different from fucking a girl? Why was he even thinking about those things? Calum closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his temples.

“Cal, are you alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just a headache.”

“Are you sure?” Luke creased his eyebrows; the older boy was acting really weird since he met him in the corridor. “You’re worrying me.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Calum smiled. “Do you want to watch a movie or something? Or we could play FIFA.”

“A movie sounds awesome. Come on.”

Calum got up and followed Luke back to the living room, again wondering whether he should ask him or not. “Luke, I was wondering if you still have it,” he finally said as he watched the other boy go through the DVD collection.

“Have what?”

“The video…”

Luke stopped and stared at Calum with wide eyes. “Which video?”

“The video… game that you wanted to try.”

“What video game?”

“Oh hang on. I think it was Michael, who asked me. Sorry, I got confused for a minute. I thought it was you.”

“Ok…”

“Yeah…” Calum wanted to kick himself. Again, he did not have the guts to ask Luke. He was certain if Michael was in his place, he would have already ask Luke, ages ago but he was not Michael. He would just have to try again later or just give up.

 

 


	9. I Wanna

It had been two days since the new tour had started and new tour meant new changes. Finally, they all had their own hotel rooms, without connecting doors, and things were looking better for Luke, who looked up from his suitcase when he heard his door open. The only downside was that they all had duplicate keys to one another’s room and anyone could barge in any time. He smiled at the boy, who was making his way further into the room, before pulling his shirt over his head and replacing it with another one.

“Hey,” Luke said as he took a seat next to Calum.

“Hi… it’s great to be back on tour, isn’t it? I’ve missed it.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m loving it already,” Luke grinned, causing Calum to smile as well.

“Do you remember those e-mails you sent me?” the brunette asked slowly.

Luke creased his eyebrows, unsure where that conversation was going. “What about them?”

“So, huh,” Calum scratched his head and made a face, trying to find the right words.

“Cal, what is it? It worries me when you’re so indecisive.”

“You said it was just a teaser and that you had the full version of that mini clip…”

“And?” the frown never left Luke’s features and he was not sure he liked what was coming.

“I wanna…” the older took a deep breath. “I wanna see it… the full version… the video that’s 42 mins long.”

“What? Why? I thought we were over that matter and we’ve moved on.”

“I know but that involves me and I’m not gonna be at peace until I see it, all of it.”

“That’s too bad ‘cause I don’t have it,” Luke shrugged before adding, “I got it of it, all of them actually.”

“Really? How long have I known you already?”

“A very long time?”

“Exactly and I can tell when you’re lying. Your eye does that weird twitching thing every time you lie.”

“That’s not true,” the blonde protested; he knew he never looked at himself in a mirror while lying but he was pretty sure what Calum was saying was untrue.

“It is and it’s doing it right now.”

“Fuck off! My eye does not twitch when I lie.”

“Knowing you, I’m certain you’ve kept them. So, are you gonna give it to me the easy way or the hard way?”

Luke stared at Calum; he would love it if Calum would do him the hard way, preferably raw, and including lots of kisses and teasing. He would most definitely love that. Why couldn’t he call room service and order himself that? Oh yes, because Calum was not on a menu card. Calum was his best friend, who was sitting a few inches away from him, a few inches away but yet so far beyond Luke’s reach.

“Luke? Calum to Luke? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Luke blinked.

“Don’t go blank on me. So, are you gonna give it to me?”

The younger boy eyed the boy in front of him and then his laptop that rested on the bed before looking at Calum again. “No, I don’t think so.”

“It’s on your laptop, isn’t it?”

“Maybe…”

“Are you really that dumb? What if it falls into the wrong hands?”

Luke scoffed. “It’s my laptop and it has a password, which only I know. So…”

Calum rolled his eyes as he typed in the password. “Only you know, huh?”

“Ok, so maybe you know it and Michael probably knows it too and even Ashton. Yeah, remind me to change my password, will you?”

“Now that all this had been sorted out, it’s great and all. Give it to me already.”

Luke took a deep breath; so many things that sentence could mean and yet, none of which he was dying to hear. “Fine but how?”

“Here,” Calum pulled a USB drive from his pocket and smiled.

“You came in well prepared, I see.”

“I always am well prepared.”

It was Luke’s turn to roll his eyes as he copied the two videos and handed the device back to Calum. He could not believe he had done that. Most importantly, he could not believe Calum had asked him for those videos. He had seriously thought Calum would let it go after he told him to forget.

“Thanks,” Calum smirked. “I knew you were easy.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, see you then.” On that, Calum left the room.

Luke stared at the door that had closed. The older lad was gone, without even saying goodnight. Luke shook his head; he was probably too eager to watch the video to even bother sit and have a chat with him. The blonde ran his fingers through his hair and dropped himself backward on the mattress. The older boy had been sitting in his room for about twenty minutes and all Luke could think about was to lean forward and close the distance between them, kissing him. The way Calum kept sucking his bottom lip in did not help at all. It was actually the first time Luke had realised Calum had the tendency to do that a lot, no matter what the situation was; whether he was confused, worried, nervous, happy and even when he was aroused. He shook his head because it was definitely not a good idea to fit arousal and Calum in the same sentence.

“Robert?” Luke said out loud. “Talk to me. I feel lonely.”

“You’re bound to feel lonely when you want your best friend’s dick in your ass.”

“I don’t want Calum’s dick.”

“Yeah right. Ten minutes ago, you were thinking about him doing you hard. What about that?”

“I’m so messed up,” Luke pressed his palms against his eyes and exhaled.

“Luke, my sweet Luke. You really need to move on.”

“I know, I really do but it’s just…”

“You’re so head over heels in love with him and you can’t help it. I know, I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do. I’m you, remember?”

Luke opened his mouth to talk but closed it again; he knew that part was true.

“You really need to stop thinking about Calum being more than just your best friend. One-sided love has never done any good to anyone.”

“How can you tell it’s one-sided?”

“Well, he called you easy, duh. He probably even thinks you’re the one who seduced him.”

“No, Calum’s not like that.”

“Maybe he’s craving for some porn, that’s why he wanted those videos. Who knows?”

“Shut up! You know what Robert? You’re never of any help. All you ever do is confuse me more than I am. Good night, I’m gonna get some sleep.” He definitely should rethink that strategy about talking to himself when he was alone.

Luke pulled the covers over his head and closed his eyes. He had known Calum for so long and he knew Calum would never think that about him. The other boy was too sweet of a guy to think that about him. It was probably the things that he had been feeling that were making him delusional and therefore think mean things about Calum. That was also why he would prefer to spend most of his time with his friends than alone because when he was with them, he did not have time to think about those feelings or Calum; it was only when he was alone that his brain kick-start and he get weird thoughts, most of which included Calum and his naked body. The blonde sighed again. He wondered when that would come to an end, if it ever would.

**O.O.O.O.O**

“So, what’s up buddy?” Michael asked as he slapped Luke on the back.

“Was it necessary to hit me so hard?” Luke frowned, reaching backward and rubbing the spot.

“I just thought you like it hard, that’s all,” Michael shrugged.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re the singer, frontman of the band, and you get everything to the extreme.”

“You don’t make any sense at all but then again, that does not surprise me; you never do actually.”

“So, where were you lost? In some dirty little fantasies?”

“Piss off! Is that why you came here? To annoy the shit out of me?”

“Fine, let’s not talk about huge dicks. I wonder what it feels like though.”

“What feels like what?”

“A dick going in and out of an ass.”

“Ugh… Michael don’t be gross,” Luke made a face.

“What? There’s nothing gross about sex. It’s a pretty amazing feeling actually. One of the best thing man ever discovered.”

The younger boy stared at him. “Pretty amazing? You had sex… with a guy… before?”

“No, I was just talking about sex in general. So, how does it feel?”

“Huh… why don’t you ask Ashton?”

“What? That’s disgusting. He’s my best friend,” Michael made a disgusted face.

“Ask me what?” Ashton asked as he approached the pair; the joy of having duplicate keys.

“Nothing…” Michael mumbled.

“We were talking about your penis going in and out of Michael’s butt,” Luke laughed; the older boy had been annoying him and it was his turn to do so.

“That’s not true. We were talking about Calum’s dick in Luke’s ass and how much Luke loved it.”

“I’m betting he did,” Ashton shrugged. “No wonder it happened so many times.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Only twice and we were both drunk. So, that does not count.”

Michael got up and took a seat on the couch, next to Ashton, whispering in his ear. “Remember that talk we had about Luke moving on?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“It’s time to see how right we were. Let’s test him.”

“Ok,” the drummer nodded.

“What are you two whispering?” Luke looked at them intently.

“So, Luke, I was wondering…”

Luke closed his eyes and sighed. “Please don’t…”

“What do you prefer, Calum’s dick in your ass or your dick in Calum’s mouth?” Michael grinned.

The younger boy balled his hands into fists on his sides as he tried to stay cool. He should control his feelings and not think about what Michael had just asked him. It was actually very simple. All he had to do was not think about Calum being naked and him at the same time. Except, he could not do that, not when that dumb friend of his kept bringing it up. He had never realised how stubborn and annoying Michael was, until that particular moment. Ashton was not of any help either because Michael always coerced him into doing what he wanted. The only person, who always sided him, was not there either.

“Get lost guys. I’m not saying anything.”

“But you have to, you don’t really have a choice,” Michael stated.

“Yeah, Michael’s right. You’re not leaving this room without an answer,” Ashton added.

“Leave him alone guys,” Calum warned as he walked over to Luke and ruffled his hair before taking a seat next to him. “The moment I leave him alone, you guys start harassing him because you’re older and he’s younger. That’s not cool.”

“Thanks Cal,” Luke smiled as he wrapped his arm around Calum’s waist, causing the other two to simultaneously roll their eyes.

“So, why were they pestering you?” Calum asked as casually as possible; he could feel the warmth coming from Luke’s hand, even across the material of his shirt. Honestly, it made his heart beat faster and he tried his best to keep his breathing as steady as possible, hoping Luke could not hear his heart pounding against his ribcage.

“We weren’t pestering him. We were only having a conversation about huge dicks,” Michael stated.

“Yeah, it’s nothing Calum,” Luke smiled. “Michael was actually asking for some advice… for some pointers about anal sex.” If Luke was calm all along, he was totally freaking out at that point. He could not believe he had said anal sex while he had an arm around Calum’s waist. He was dying to rub his hand up and down Calum’s side but he restrained himself and maintained the smile on his lips.

“Yeah, me and Ashton are gonna get drunk and make a dirty video. We’ll leave you two horny bunnies to do your things, whatever it is you do when you’re alone. You’re coming, sweet pea?” Michael got up and looked at Ashton.

“Of course babe.”

As soon as the two of them started walking away, Luke pulled his hand away and stared at his feet. Did Michael have to say that and then leave? He was such an asshole but Luke knew that already; it was no news to him.

“So, what do you think?” Michael asked as soon as he was in his room.

“Hmm… he thinks he’s a good actor but he’s not perfect.”

“Meaning?”

“He’s fine as long as you don’t mention anything about Calum or his penis.”

“So, we were right. He’s pretending.”

“Yep,” Ashton nodded. “He tries to act casual but anyone who’s not blind can see he’s struggling mentally and emotionally.”

Michael hummed. “Calum’s not doing much better either. I could practically hear his heart pounding; it was louder than stampeding elephants.”

“They’re so fucked up,” Ashton mumbled.

“What are we gonna do?” Michael looked at the older boy expectantly.

“Nothing,” he shook his head.

“Nothing? What do you mean nothing?”

“I understand you wanna help them. Trust me, I do too but this is something they need to do on their own. They’ll either learn to accept their feelings or outgrow it, thus eventually move on.”

“So, we’ll just wait?”

“Yep. We’ll wait.”

**O.O.O.O.O**

Calum looked at his laptop as he again walked from one side of his room to the other. The guys had asked him to hang out with them but he declined the offer, saying he was tired and wanted some sleep. However, the truth was completely different. The only reason he did not want to be with his friends was because he wanted to watch that video. Yes, it had been two days since he had asked Luke but he had not had enough courage to watch it. That day, he had gone to Luke’s room, acting all cool, like it did not bother him, but deep down, he knew he was freaking out. The only thing going through his mind was when Luke would give him the video so that he could get out of there and not have to stare at Luke’s lips when he was talking or look at the way his Adam’s apple would bob in his throat every time he would swallow.

Calum stopped and wiped his palms in the front of his sweater. Sweaty palms, he never used to get them before, until recently, he often found himself in situations where his palms would get all sweaty. After taking a deep breath, he set his laptop in front of him and hesitated for a few seconds before finally opening the video, which he immediately paused. He was not ready for that. All of a sudden, he wondered why he even went to ask Luke for it. Oh yes, it was Michael. Michael was the one who put that thought in his head. After over-hearing Michael and Ashton, curiosity had stroke him as well and he wanted to know what else they did. That was when he remembered the real reason for wanting to watch it; did Luke fuck him as well? Again wiping his palm, Calum resumed the playback.

_Calum connected his lips to Luke’s and moved them hungrily against one another. “Why do you taste so good?” Calum mumbled against Luke’s lips. “I can’t get enough of kissing you. It’s so addicting. I just wanna keep…”_

_Luke giggled and pressed his lips to the older lad’s, silencing his words. He kissed his way down to the side of Luke’s neck, biting down on the skin. Luke let out a moan and lifted his legs and wrapped them around Calum’s waist. The older boy sucked on Luke’s neck as his naked hips started a series of slow forward thrusts against Luke’s equally naked hips. He pecked the skin and left a series of wet kisses down Luke’s chest to his lower abdomen, licking and nibbling on the skin there. Locking eyes with the blonde, Calum slowly opened his mouth and took the head of Luke’s erected penis between his lips, closing them around it. He sucked on the exposed head before rolling his tongue around it and then slid his mouth along the length, taking more of Luke in._

_He sucked powerfully on Luke’s length, hollowing his cheeks in the process. One of his hands reached past Luke’s penis, to his testicles, gently squeezing them. Luke threaded his fingers through Calum’s hair, grabbing a handful and pulling on the locks, to guide Calum’s mouth back to his._

_“Fuck me like you did the other night,” Luke whispered before leaving a series of light kisses to Calum’s lips._

_“Hang on, I’ll get us something.”_

_Calum got up, went through Michael’s bag and then came back with something in his hand. The brunette leant on his elbow and pressed a kiss to Luke’s lips before pulling away. He stroke Luke’s cheek with the back of his fingers as he looked into the younger lad’s blue eyes._

_“Can I ride you? I want to ride you,” Luke bit on his pierced lip as he looked into Calum’s eyes._

_“Anything you want.”_

Calum again paused the video as it went wobbly. He was right about one thing: Luke did have the tendency to bite on that piercing a lot, too much for Calum’s liking. Instinctively, he brought a hand to his throat; he had deep-throated Luke? He had no idea he could do that. Heck, a few months ago he did not even know he could suck a guy. Since the past months, he had been learning things that he did not know he was capable of, most of them shocking things. He wondered what else he would discover by the time the video came to an end.

_Luke knelt on the mattress and pulled Calum so that he was lying in the middle of the bed. Biting his lips, he opened the bottle of oil and squeezed some on Calum’s erected penis. Gently, he moved his hand along the length, smearing the oil and making sure that Calum was properly coated. He then swung a leg over Calum and positioned himself above the other boy’s hips. Again opening the oil bottle, Luke squirted some on his fingers and reached behind him to rub at his entrance. He let out a gasp when he slipped two fingers in him._

_“Fuck,” Calum mumbled, unable to take his eyes off the other; Luke could be so sexual and alluring sometimes._

_The younger lad took hold of Calum’s penis and guided it to his ass, rubbing the head against his hole a few times before pushing it inside. Luke again let out a gasp but lowered himself until he was fully seated. Slowly, he lifted himself up and slid back on. Calum placed his hands on each of Luke’s thighs as a series of curses left his mouth. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes when Luke leant forward and toyed with his nipple, his finger pads rubbing the bud in a circular motion before he lightly tugged on it with his index and thumb._

_Luke slipped a hand to the back of Calum’s neck and lifted Calum’s upper body off the mattress before connecting their lips. The older lad wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist as their lips kept moving against one another and Luke kept bouncing on his dick. Luke tilted his head backward and reached behind him to support himself on Calum’s thighs as he sped up his movements. Calum again attached his lips to Luke’s neck, sucking at the same reddened spot that he had sucked on earlier. He snaked a hand between their torsos and took hold of Luke’s penis. Without wasting time, he moved his hand up and down the length vigorously, trying to keep up with the pace that Luke had set._

_“Are you close?” Calum whispered against Luke’s neck._

_“Yeah, nearly there,” Luke panted._

_“You riding me has got to be the best fucking thing ever.”_

_“Fuck,” Luke groaned._

_Once he had gotten everything out of Luke, Calum let go of his penis and brought his hand to his mouth, licking the come off his fingers. Luke mumbled some incoherent words at the scene and grabbed Calum by the hair, crashing their mouths together. His tongue played with Calum’s while one of his hands again reached for Calum’s nipple, which he wasted no time to massage. The blonde slowed down until all his movements stilled before lifting himself off Calum and settling beside him on the mattress. With a smile, he reached forward and brushed the beads of sweat that had formed on Luke’s forehead._

_“Can I turn this off now?” Calum asked, pointing to the camera._

_“Yes” Luke hummed and pressed a kiss to Calum’s lips._

_“Bye. This is Cal-ausaurus and The Hemmster signing off. Say bye, Luke,” Calum nudged Luke as he waved at the camera, urging Luke to do the same._

Calum stared at the screen when the video stopped. He swallowed hard as he wiped the sweat that had formed on his forehead with a shaky hand. What had he just watched? And why the hell would he say those things to Luke? He knew he was drunk but he had no memory of those words leaving his mouth. How was that possible? Did he have a crush on Luke? From what he had just seen, it did not look like it was lust or sex. It looked like something deeper than that. What was it he saw on his face? Was that passion, care or was that love? No, that was impossible. Calum shook his head; he was seeing more to it that there actually was. Love? He was definitely not in love with Luke. No, he could not be, could he?

 

 


	10. Oh Shit!

It was a bright evening; the sky was clear and the stars were glowing. It was what everyone would call a perfect evening, everyone except for Calum. He bit the side of his bottom lip as he thought about Luke. He had been thinking about Luke a lot lately. He had thought watching the videos would clear a few doubts, refresh his mind and maybe he would remember something but nothing if the sort happened. He still had no memory of those events, except now, he had a visual image of what had happened. Although, after watching them, he had started seeing Luke differently. Not a bad kind of different or anything but just from another angle. He would notice things about the blonde, things that he had never paid attention to before, like the way he smiled or blinked or even rolled his eyes. He did not know why those things were happening to him but they just were.

He even had a dream about Luke the previous night, a really silly dream it was actually. They had gone to McDonald’s for lunch and it was like a perfect date. Halfway through their meal, he had held Luke’s hand, causing the younger boy to lower his eyes and smile. Calum had smiled too at that; Luke looked too cute at that instance. They started talking about random things, things that Calum could not remember; he had tried to recall but nothing came to him. Then Luke got up and offered him a hand, which Calum gladly took. He led them down a corridor and through a blue door. Calum was barely past the door when Luke pulled him and locked the door, immediately pressing his lips to Calum. The older boy kissed back, eagerly; he had been dying to kiss Luke ever since they had entered that place.

Luke directed his mouth to Calum’s neck, sucking on his skin there and causing Calum to breathe in and out unevenly. The older boy trailed his hands down Luke’s sides and cupped his ass before lifting him off his feet. Immediately, he wrapped his legs around Calum’s waist and kissed him again. It did not take long before Calum thrust his hips against Luke’s ass, causing the boy to let out a moan into his mouth. The two boys pulled away when a few loud bangs on the door were heard. Calum looked around them; he realised they were in a toilet and there was a man shouting from the other side. They stared at each other for long minutes before exiting the room. Somehow, they had reached a beach and were walking hand in hand, smiling at each other every now and then.

It was cute and all but then the dream turned into something not so pleasant, leaving Calum to wake up panting. It was scary and he did not want to remember that part. However, the first part was nice and it made the wheels in Calum’s brain turn faster. Why would he have such a dream about Luke? Why would he dream about making out with Luke in the toilet at McDonald’s? He was not attracted towards Luke in any kind of way or was he now? Was he falling for Luke and not realising it? Did his subconscious know about his feelings already and thus that dream? That was not possible. Why would he fall for Luke? He was not even interested in guys. Still, he was kissing Luke in his dream. Calum lifted his head when a cushion hit the side of his face.

“What are you staring at?” Michael asked as he took a bite of his apple.

“I huh… I’m just looking at something on my phone,” Calum replied, his eyes never leaving Michael.

Michael got up and walked over to where Calum was sitting on the bed, leaning closer to the other boy and glancing at his phone. “That’s what I thought. Your screen is blank.”

Calum cleared his throat before setting the phone aside. “I was actually thinking about a dream I had last night.”

“What about it?” the older boy took a seat in front of Calum and urged him to go on.

“Nothing. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“So, I was walking on the beach. The sun was warm against my skin and the sand was soft under my feet. Then, out of nowhere came a pirate ship and Ashton, who was the captain, ordered to kill me. I looked at him, thinking he was joking but then I saw the canons being lit up. I panicked and did the first thing that came to my mind; I ran. Somehow Ashton had gotten off the ship and he was running after me with a sword. Suddenly, you appeared in the direction I was running in and you were charging at me. You were a dragon and were spitting fire at everything that was in your way. I didn’t know which way to go. Ashton was coming from the back and you were coming from the front. I tripped and fell in the water, thankful that I was safe but then I was attacked by Luke, who was a horrible sea monster. He ordered an army of clown fish to capture me. Then I woke up.”

Michael burst out laughing. “What are you, five?”

“It’s not funny. It was pretty scary. It makes me shudder to even think about it.” Calum said as he thought about it. Actually, Ashton was chasing him and Luke and then they saw Michael. Luke tripped and fell in the water, dragging Calum with him before he turned into the sea monster.

“You’re twenty. You should know better than to get scared of a stupid dream.”

“I know but it seemed so real.”

Michael nodded and thought about it. The look that Calum had on his face was definitely not a look he would have while thinking about his so-called scary dream. He probably was thinking about something else and Michael had the impression that it involved Luke. He had known Calum long enough to know when the brunette was lying or how he was feeling. He definitely should convince Ashton about that ‘not helping’ them thing because it looked like Calum could use some help.

“Where are you lost?” Calum asked after throwing the cushion back at Michael.

“Nowhere,” Michael smiled. “So, I was a dragon huh? How cool is that?”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t think it’s cool if you were on the verge of having your ass catch fire.”

Michael again laughed. “Yeah but it’s awesome to be a fire-breathing dragon. It’s all about power.”

“How would you know that? It was my dream,” the younger boy rolled his eye.

“I just know.”

**OoOoOoOoO**

“So, you never said what you preferred. Calum’s dick in your ass or your dick in Calum’s mouth?” Michael flung an arm around Luke’s neck and asked.

Luke closed his eyes and let out a breath. Both he and Michael were in Ashton’s room and Luke had the impression that it was a bad idea to have gone there. Last time, he had successfully managed to avoid answering that question because Calum had showed up and literally saved him. He was alone this time and Michael and Ashton were both looking at him.

“Please, not again,” Luke sighed.

“Come on, we’re best friend. Why be shy?” Michael nudged him.

“I’m not being shy. It’s just that… I don’t want to answer that question. That’s all.”

“Come on Lukey, it’s just a simple answer,” Ashton said with a shrug.

“I prefer none.”

“So, you’ve really moved on?” the drummer asked as he looked at Luke intently.

“Yes, I have. Maybe you guys should stop mentioning anything ever happened between me and Calum because I’m so over that and Calum’s moved on too. It’s kinda like repeating the same irrelevant thing over and over again.”

Michael frowned. “So, you’re saying thinking about Calum’s dick does not turn you on anymore?”

“No it doesn’t, it never did actually.”

“How the fuck did you have sex then?”

Luke pushed Michael’s hand away and turned to face the boy. “Why does it have to be Calum’s penis that turned me on? Why couldn’t it have been his face or his arms or his chest?” the blonde let his mind drift off to Calum’s smooth chest and how he wanted to run his hand up and down the bassist’s skin.

“You know what? I’ll be right back,” Michael announced and left the room.

“Ashton? Please tell me he’s not up to something because I certainly did not like the look he had on his face before he left.”

“I wish I could tell you that but I don’t know. He certainly looked like he’s up to some mischiefs.”

Luke stared at the drummer; the last time Michael was up to some mischiefs, the four of them ended up drunk and he woke up in bed, naked, next to Calum. He only hoped Michael did not just get one of those great ideas of his. He was trying to move on, or so he kept telling himself, and did not want to take a backward step because of Michael. No, no matter what the other boy was thinking, Luke was not going to let him succeed, not if that would lead to him having sex with Calum again.

“Mischiefs? Michael plus mischief always equals to danger,” Luke mumbled.

Ashton let out a laugh at that. “Yeah, you’re right although most of the times, it equals to catastrophe.”

“I think I’ll rather take danger, any day.”

“Try telling that to Michael.”

“Michael is childish, stubborn, annoying and manipulative but you’re sensible, responsible and more mature. Then, why are you doing this? Why can’t you let me move on?”

Ashton blinked at him. “I’m not doing anything. Actually I’ve already had a word with Michael, telling him to leave you alone, and Calum too.”

“Why is he not doing that then?”

“I dunno. Like you said, he’s childish and stubborn. What makes you think he’ll listen to me?”

“Where’s Michael?” Calum asked as he entered the room. “He told me to come to your room urgently,” he added, looking at Ashton.

“We don’t know. He left without saying anything,” the older boy shrugged.

Calum hummed. “That’s weird. Why would he text me and tell me to come here when he’s not here?”

“Danger or catastrophe,” Luke breathed.

“What?” Calum frowned.

“Nothing, it’s just a Cancer thing,” Luke laughed as he winked at Ashton.

“That’s not fun. You two are shutting me out because I’m Aquarius? You can’t do that.”

“We can and we are.”

“That’s so unfair.”

“That’s how it is Baby,” Luke licked his lips.

Michael, who was standing in the doorway, looked at Calum, who followed the movement of Luke’s tongue before turning his eyes to his hands. He smiled inwardly; Calum was totally attracted to Luke and had definitely not moved on. “Hey buddies, I got us a little treat,” he said as he pointed to the bag that he had in one hand.

“What is that?” Ashton raised an eyebrow.

Smiling, the guitarist walked to the coffee table and dropped to his knees, emptying the bag. He set a couple packets of chips on the table followed by a bottle of vodka and four shot glasses. “Come closer.”

“What are we celebrating?” Calum asked unsure but still dropped himself on the couch.

“Nothing… we don’t need to be celebrating something to get drunk. And I feel like tonight is a good night to get drunk,” Michael grinned as he opened the bottle and filled the glasses.

“Oh! I’m afraid I don’t share that feeling,” Luke commented and crossed his arm over his chest; he knew it. He knew Michael was up to something that would end up complicating things more than they already were. The least he wanted was to get drunk again and have sex with Calum again. No, they were past that chapter.

“What? You’re refusing this? That has never happened before.”

“Well, it’s happening right now. I’m not drinking.”

“Fine,” Michael sighed. “What about you two?”

Calum looked at the glass in front of him and then glanced at Luke’s face before looking at Michael. If Luke was not drinking, he should probably do the same. That way, there was no risk of them having drunk sex again. He did not want Luke to start acting all weird and start avoiding him again. After so many months, things were like before between them; he did not want to lose his best friend again. Not at the cost of getting drunk with Michael.

“No, I’ll pass.”

“Ashton?” Michael looked at the drummer, who looked back at him.

“Huh…” Ashton paused and thought about it for a moment. If Luke and Calum were not drinking, they must have given the situation a good thought because he knew them both fairly well enough to say that they would never refuse alcohol. “Thinking about it, no. Last time I got drunk with you, I ended up sick and throwing up all day. I don’t wanna go through that again.”

Michael let out an exasperated groan. “Am I the only one who knows how to have fun in this band? This is fucking lame. I can’t even have a drink with my best friends without any of them thinking about the consequences. Who are you people? I don’t even recognise you, any of you. I’m going to bed and I don’t want anyone to follow me. Got it?” On that, Michael got up and left the room, leaving the other three to stare at him with dumbfounded expressions.

“Did this just happen?” Calum asked, his eyes never leaving the door

“Yeah, he looked pissed,” Luke stated.

“Pissed? This is only the start of a drama fit and I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna let us hear the end soon,” the bassist sighed.

“Oh, don’t worry about him. Just leave it to me. I’ll talk to him. He’ll be fine by tomorrow,” Ashton smiled. “Now, off to bed, both of you. Come on, shoo.”

“Yes papa,” Calum said in a childish voice before laughing.

“Papa? Papa? Seriously?” Luke laughed along as he got up and followed Calum out of the door.

Ashton also got up and made his way to his childish-stubborn-annoying-manipulative best friend’s room. He had made it clear to Michael that they should not interfere and let things happen on their own but of course Michael would never listen. He needed to get that point straight again.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Calum set his bass on the floor and slowly walked to the front of the stage, waiting for his band mates to join him so that they could bow to the crowd. He could not remember how he got off the stage or walked down the corridors backstage but all he knew was that he was opening the door to their dressing room and was getting inside. His breathings were uneven and his hands were shaking. He had been fine all along, until Luke had come next to him and brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. Soon after the action was completed, Calum had started feeling jittery. Any interactions with Luke would cause his heart to unnecessarily beat faster. He did not understand what was happening to him but it felt like he was going insane, yes he was definitely losing his mind. Why else would a single touch from Luke cause goosebumps to appear all over his body? Why else would a simple smile from Luke cause him to shiver?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Luke asked the moment he entered the room.

Calum only stared at him but said nothing.

“You acted like this is the first time you’ve been on stage. We’ve been doing this for years and you still did that?”

Calum frowned; ok, maybe he messed up a few times but he was sure no one had noticed and if ever they had, they would not care or maybe they would laugh it off. He was sure it was not as serious as Luke was making it sound.

“You forgot your talking bit, played the wrong chord a few times, forgot your whole part in ‘she looks so perfect’; how can you do that? We played that song like thousand times before. Fuck! Where is your mind? This is like the worst show we’ve played in ages. I seriously do not believe it. Fuck Calum!”

“What did you do to him?” Michael asked as he rushed inside, Ashton by his side.

“What?” Luke turned around to see Calum on the floor. “I didn’t…”

“We heard you shouting from way down the corridor,” Ashton looked at the younger boy.

Shouting? Luke was pretty sure he was not shouting. “I wasn’t…”

“We need to get somebody,” Michael said from Calum’s side. “A doctor or something…”

“I’ll get someone,” Ashton got to his feet and rushed out the door.

“Is he alright?” Luke stared at Calum; was he the one who did that? He had his back turned the whole time and had not realised something was wrong with the other boy.

“You better have a good explanation for this,” Michael warned as he glared at him.

Luke opened his mouth to talk but closed it again; it did not look like Michael would listen to anything he had to say. He let out a sigh of relief when Ashton returned with a paramedic. The three boys stepped aside as the woman moved closer to Calum examining him.

“He’s alright,” the woman said after ten minutes. “He just fainted.”

Michael, Ashton and Luke all let out a sigh of relief, glad it was nothing serious before Ashton walked to the woman, having a few words with her.

The moment it was just the four of them, Michael turned to Luke. “What did you do?”

“Cal, are you alright?” the drummer asked and took a seat next to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“What happened,” he looked at Calum concerned. The paramedic had told him it was probably due to over-stress but he was certain Calum was not stress, not as far as he knew.

“I dunno… I just felt lightheaded and then I was feeling warm all over. Luke was talking but everything was so blurry and then I dunno…”

“The paramedic said you fainted but there’s nothing to worry,” Ashton smiled reassuringly.

Fainted? He fainted but how? He had always known that he was not weak but how was that possible? He really needed to get a grip of himself if he did not want a repeat of that.

“Back to you,” Michael glared at Luke. “You were right here, didn’t you see him fall?”

“I didn’t… I had my back turned the whole time. If I had known, I’d have done something already,” Luke stated.

“Why were you shouting?”

“I wasn’t shouting… ok, maybe I was a little,” he corrected when Michael raised an eyebrow. “I was scolding him because he messed up.”

Michael scoffed; he was so mad at Luke. Firstly because Luke had refused to drink with him a couple of days earlier, causing Ashton and Calum not to either, and then he had acted irresponsibly in Calum’s case. “We all forget our words sometimes, it’s not a big deal.”

Luke walked to Calum, settling on the floor in front of him and taking one of his hands. “Cal, I’m sorry, if I had known, I wouldn’t have said those things.”

“It’s alright,” Calum smiled, trying to ignore Luke’s hand on his. “I probably didn’t hear half of the things you said. I’m alright guys. Please, quit worrying,” he looked at his friends and maintained the smile on his lips; things were definitely getting out of hands. He seriously needed something that would take his mind off Luke. “So, I was thinking, maybe we could go out tonight.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Ashton shook his head. “You’re going straight to bed when we get back to the hotel.”

“What? But I’m completely fine and I think I need to go out,” Calum protested.

“Michael? Would you care to have a say in this?” Ashton turned to the boy.

“A say? You’re going to bed and don’t even think about sneaking out when we’ve all gone to bed because I’ll be staying in your room tonight.”

“What? This is not fair,” the bassist pouted.

“Maybe but it’s for your own good,” Michael shrugged.

 


	11. One Step Closer

Michael’s eyes stayed glued to the bassist as he took a last drag of his cigarette before crushing the butt in the ashtray. No sooner the action was done, the younger boy reached for the packet of cigarette again and put another one between his lips, immediately taking a drag after lighting it. He pushed his sunglasses on his forehead and frowned at the other boy; Calum never smoked so much, unless there was something that really bothered him. Setting his sunglasses back in place because of the bright light that was disturbing his eyes, Michael turned to Ashton, to ask him to talk to Calum, but the drummer was lying on his chair with his eyes closed. Michael sighed, then shook his head; it looked like he would have to do that himself.

“Cal, are you alright?”

“Yeah, why are you asking?” Calum smiled.

“That’s your third cigarette in a row,” Michael raised an eyebrow, although Calum could not see it from behind his sunglasses. “You, my friend, never chain-smoke, unless there’s something really bugging you. What is it?”

Calum glanced at the cigarette between his fingers and then at the ashtray; he had not realised he was on his third. He was too busy thinking about Luke that he did not even know what he was doing. “I… hmm… I can’t tell you, not right now.”

“Why not?”

The brunette turned his head to look at Luke, who was lying face-down on a floater in the pool and then at Michael. “Too many people…”

Michael looked around them; there were quite some people around but none were within hearing range. “Ash, we have a situation here.”

The older boy, who had propped himself on his elbows, directed his eyes to Calum and then to Luke, who was still in the pool. “It’s Luke, isn’t it?”

“What did he do?” Michael frowned when Calum nodded.

“Nothing… I can’t tell you, not here.”

“If you’re worried about Luke hearing, get that thought out of your head. Luke is far too lost in himself right now to even bother what is happening around him,” Ashton pointed to Luke, who had his hands hanging from the sides of the floater and into the water.

Glancing at Luke again, Calum let out a sigh before speaking again. “I went to the club the other day. I… hmm…” Calum paused and cleared his throat.

“When?”

“The other day… that day I passed out in the dressing room,” the bassist said carefully, his eyes darting back and forth between Michael and Ashton.

“What?” Ashton creased his eyebrows. “I thought we were clear when we told you to go to bed.”

“No, you couldn’t have. I was right there, in your room,” Michael pointed out.

“I know but I left after you fell asleep. Anyways, that’s not the point. I met that cute girl and I left with her…”

“You were horny, which is why you were insisting on going out. So, how did it go?” Michael smirked.

“Um, that’s kinda the thing,” Calum again cleared his throat. “I couldn’t do it…”

“What? You couldn’t get it up?” Michael laughed.

“No… I was kissing her but I couldn’t stop thinking about…”

“Luke,” Ashton completed for the younger boy.

“It’s so frustrating. The past days, all I do is think about Luke. I don’t want to do it but it’s just that he always creeps into my head. I try to push those thoughts away but they just keep coming back. That’s why I wanted to go out, to do something that would take my mind off him.”

“But that wasn’t very successful,” the guitarist stated.

“Nope, I came back shortly,” Calum sighed.

“Fuck! You’re in such a mess. You’re never gonna be able to have sex again without thinking about Luke. You’re really in some deep shit, dude,” Michael commented and Ashton slapped him at the back of his head. “What?”

“We’re supposed to make him feel better, not worse. So, what’s with the ‘Luke thing’?” I thought you two had moved on,” Ashton asked and when Calum frowned at him, he added, “That’s what Luke told us.”

“He can talk for himself but for me, this is so hard. I mean, I’m trying to forget and move on but I can’t. And lately, I just feel weird when he’s around.”

“Weird? What kind of weird?” the drummer asked as he bit on the straw that was in his drink.

“Like I’m all fidgety, I feel hot and cold at the same time and then like, even if our hands touch, I feel a current that passes through and my heart is racing, pounding against my ribs and I forget everything that is happening. All I can think about is Luke, all I can see is Luke and then my mind just fills itself with thoughts of me and Luke together. I want to reach out and touch him and I want to do things to him. I think I’m going crazy. Fuck! Why am I even telling you these things?”

“Wow!” Ashton muttered. “That’s what happened the other day when you fainted?”

“Yeah, it started on stage when Luke was interacting with me and then I messed up. I don’t really remember getting off the stage but I know I couldn’t breathe, my hands were shaking and my stomach felt funny inside. Luke came, he was talking but I was freaking out inside. Then everything was fading and when I opened my eyes again, you guys were there already. I seriously think I’m losing it.”

“Nope, you’re just in love,” Michael grinned and Ashton hit him in the arm. “What? All the symptoms are there: racing heart, breathlessness, feeling hot and cold at the same time, Luke invading his mind, wanting more, butterflies in the stomach. You’re in love,” the guitarist laughed loudly.

“Shh…” Calum warned.

“Since when did you turn into a love guru?” Ashton snorted.

“Since always. Now, we have to find out if Luke feels the same.”

“No, we aren’t and Luke doesn’t feel the same,” the oldest of the three said firmly.

“How would you know?”

“Because he told us himself that he has moved on.”

“Maybe he’s lying.”

“Michael, no.”

Michael made a face at the drummer before turning his attention to Calum. “So, all these things started after you watched the video, the long version?”

“No, before that,” Calum muttered. “Wait! How do you know about that? You went through my stuffs?”

“Not really. I was using your laptop yesterday and right there on your desktop, there was a folder called ‘intimate’. I mean, who rename a folder as ‘intimate’? That was a really dumb thing to do. I opened it out of curiosity and saw that you had them.”

“You didn’t watch them, did you?” Calum looked at Michael expectantly.

“What do you think?” the guitarist smirked.

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Don’t be… I think it was brilliant,” Michael smiled brightly.

“Fuck you! I’m going back to my room.”

Michael looked at Calum’s retreating figure and popped a cigarette between his lips before turning to Ashton. “What are we gonna do about it?”

“For the hundredth time Michael, nothing. Just leave them alone.”

“You never wanna do what I want,” Michael said in a whining voice.

“That’s because you’re annoying and childish and you wanna interfere with something that does not concern you.”

“How can it not concern me?” Michael took a drag and blew the smoke in Ashton’s face. “They’re my best friends and I want them to be happy.”

“I’m going in for a swim,” Ashton said instead.

“You’re just a prick,” Michael called after him as he threw a towel at him.

**oOoOoOoOo**

“Hey Mikey, what are you up to?” Luke smiled as he entered Michael’s hotel room.

“Nothing,” Michael replied as he took another swig of his beer.

“You’re drinking? Alone?” Luke asked, or rather stated, when he noticed an unopened bottle of vodka that rested on the coffee table, in front of the other boy.

“What else do you want me to do? It’s not like my best friends would want to get drunk with me. They all have issues, you see.”

Luke rolled his eyes at that comment; Michael was still not over that. “Come on man, that was like ages ago.”

Ages? That was only like two week ago. “The best way to get drunk is to do it alone. That way, no one can blame you,” Michael raised the bottle in the air and then brought it to his lips.

“I’ll be right back,” Luke said, already turning on his heels.

“I didn’t expect you to stay,” Michael called when the door closed.

He rolled his eyes when he got no answer and slid further down on the couch. His friends were so dumb; each of them more stupid than the other. Luke, for example, wanted Calum to know that they had sex and then within a couple of hours, wanted the bassist to forget something ever happened between them. What kind of a dumbass did things like that? Calum was, in Michael’s opinion, so in love with Luke but was still choosing to bury his feelings and decline Michael’s help. As for Ashton, well, Michael did not want to think about the older boy. Who did he think he was, always bossing around, ordering Michael? He never wanted to do what Michael wanted and Michael was mad at him. the loser that he was, always going to Michael when he was confused and needed help but never considering Michael’s opinion. Sighing, Michael brought the bottle to his lips again; he did not need them to get drunk and besides, he was old enough to do so alone.

“Brought you some company,” Luke said as he again made his way into the room, followed by Calum and Ashton.

Michael’s face instantly brightened up at their sight. “My sweethearts, you came.”

The drummer took a seat next to Michael and threw an arm around his shoulder. “Of course my love. Is it ever possible for me to leave you alone?”

“I knew you couldn’t live without me,” Michael poked Ashton in the ribs, causing him to laugh.

“So, what are we drinking?” Luke ignored the two of them and asked as he sat next to Calum, who creased his eyebrows and turned his head to the side to stare at Luke; Luke wanted to drink?

“Well, there’s this bottle of vodka and a few beers in the fridge.”

“Hmm… but there’re no glasses. I’ll be right back,” Luke said and again left the room.

“Where are you going?” Michael called to no one.

“How many beers did you have?” the drummer asked and looked at the bottle in Michael’s hand.

“This is the second one.”

“Why are you drunk?”

“I’m only acting drunk. People generally pay more attention to drunk people, didn’t you know?”

“You’re dumb,” Calum stated as he opened a bottle of beer.

“You’re not having this?” the guitarist asked, pointing to the bottle on the table.

“Nah… I’m kinda tired and I think a few beers will do.”

“Your loss.”

Luke came back shortly and set four shot glasses on the table, along with another bottle of vodka and a bottle of tequila.

“Fuck! It’s been ages since I saw the four of us and so much alcohol in the same room,” Michael laughed. “I forgot what it was like.”

“Allow me to refresh your memory,” Luke said as he opened a bottle and poured its content into the four glasses. “Vodka shots.”

Calum shook his head at the younger boy; he was probably a pro at refreshing people’s memory since he did it quite a lot. “Good luck with the hang-over tomorrow,” Calum laughed as he sipped his beer.

“You aren’t having shots with us?” Luke lifted his eyes and looked straight at him.

Calum opened his mouth to talk but Michael beat him to it. “Calum’s pregnant and is actually avoiding real alcohol. So, just ignore him.”

“And Michael is a dick, as always. So, just ignore him too,” the brunette rolled his eyes.

“Well, then, bottoms up,” Luke said as the three of them clinked their glasses together before drinking.

Eighty-seven minutes later, Calum lifted his eyes to look at his friends, who were laughing at something Ashton had said, and sighed. Thirty minutes after they had started drinking, Calum had moved to the bed with his second bottle of beer. His only excuse for not drinking was: if one of them was sober, there would be no risks of them having sex again. Calum knew it had been a long time since something happened between them but he was still not taking any chances. He also noticed that they were done with one bottle of vodka and had moved to tequila, which was also halfway done. The brunette missed drinking with them and wanted to join them but instead, stayed away from the alcohol and kept drinking his beer, as planned. Luke clutched his stomach tighter as he laughed harder, falling to the floor in the process but never stopping to laugh. Calum shook his head at the sight; it was starting to get ridiculous.

“Come on, time to get you to bed,” Calum said as he pulled Luke back to his feet.

“No, I was having fun. Go away, you mean man,” the younger boy said, trying to push Calum away but failing miserably as Calum dragged him out the door and into the hallway.

“Come on, be a good baby, you know if you’re good, I’m gonna give you chocolates, right?” the brunette said as he wrapped an arm around Luke and walked them to the other boy’s hotel room.

“But I don’t want chocolate,” Luke mumbled as Calum locked the door behind them before guiding Luke to the bed.

“And what is it you want?”

“You.”

“Ok, time to sleep,” the bassist shook his head and pushed Luke onto the bed before turning to leave.

However, before he had time to move, Luke grabbed his wrist and pulled him down onto himself. Calum stared into Luke’s eyes and Luke stared into Calum’s eyes. He wanted to pull away, leave and go back to his room but somehow, when Luke had pulled him down, he had wrapped his arms around Calum’s waist, making it impossible for him to get away. Although he could have gotten away if he had wanted to, considering Luke was drunk and he was not and was much stronger than the other boy but he did not feel like moving. The younger boy lifted his head off the pillow and pressed his lips to Calum’s, ever so slightly. That action immediate caused Calum to close his eyes; for so long he had been wanting to kiss Luke and he could not believe it was actually happening. He knew he had kissed Luke before but since he could not remember, it was like the first time all over for him. The brunette enclosed his lips around Luke’s and gently moved them around.

Luke smiled against his lips and shifted on the mattress so that he could lock his legs around Calum’s hips. He licked the older boy’s lips a few times before pushing his tongue past Calum’s lips and into his mouth. Eagerly, he rubbed his tongue against Calum’s tongue and then went on to lick the side and roof of his mouth before playing with his tongue again. Calum gasped into Luke’s mouth; he could taste the vodka on Luke’s tongue and despite wanting to get a taste of Luke, Calum was not sure that was what he expected. He had hoped, if ever it were to happen, they would both be sober when they would kiss so that the only taste he could get was Luke, simply Luke. Anyways, Luke was kissing him and he was not going to complain about a little bit of alcohol that got in between.

Snaking a hand between them, Luke slipped it into Calum’s shorts and gently tugged on his penis. The brunette instantly turned his head to the side at the action and Luke connected his mouth to Calum’s jaw instead. His hand kept working at a steady pace and he smiled drunkenly against the side of Calum’s face when he felt the other boy’s penis harden against his palm. Calum hoisted himself up and supported himself on his elbows while he stared at Luke’s face. Tentatively, he thrust into Luke’s fist and against the younger boy’s growing erection at the same time, causing a moan followed by a laugh to leave Luke’s parted lips. They again connected their lips and they impatiently kissed each other, trying to make up for all the time that they had spent away from one another, all the time that their mouths and hands had not been in contact with the other.

“Fuck me,” Luke panted when they pulled away to breathe.

“You’re sure?” Calum asked as he stared into Luke’s eyes.

“Yes… there’s lube in my bag, somewhere…”

“Ok,” the older boy nodded as he got up.

He knelt down in front of one of Luke’s bags, hoping it was the right one, as he went through its content. He had taken a lucky guess and returned to the bed with the lube and a condom in one hand. He realised Luke was already shirtless and was in the process of getting rid of his pants and Calum decided to do the same. He threw his shirt to the floor and pulled his shorts and boxers down his legs, discarding them there. Without wasting any more time, he settled between Luke’s parted legs before rolling the condom over his penis and coating it with a thick layer of lube. Moving closer to Luke’s ass, the bassist guided the head of his erection to Luke’s hole and after rubbing it around a few times, he pushed inside. Luke grunted at the intrusion but he closed his eyes and bit his lips as he took hold of his own erection.

Calum pulled back slightly and then pushed back in carefully, a few times, until he found a steady rhythm. He pushed Luke’s legs further apart as he leant forward and rested himself on his elbows while he kept his eyes on Luke’s face; Luke’s eyes were closed and he was biting on his piercing, like Calum had seen him do countless times before. Inching closer, he took Luke’s bottom lip between his own and sucked on it. So many times he had seen Luke do that and deep down, he knew he wanted to be the one doing it. Between their bodies, one of Luke’s hands moved rapidly up and down his penis while Calum hips never missed a beat and they moved faster, burying his penis deeper into Luke’s ass. The older boy trailed his kisses down the side of Luke’s neck and he sucked on the skin there; he knew that would leave a mark that would be difficult to explain but he wanted to do it and he did it.

Luke again locked his legs around Calum’s hips as the older boy rammed into his ass and he brought his free hand up, burying it into the other boy’s dark messy hair. Once Calum pulled away, the two boys stared into each other’s eyes and although it was intense, they did not look away. Calum blinked when something warm and wet hit his stomach and he realised Luke had come. As his hips kept going, the brunette’s eyes never left Luke’s features. The picture in front of him was blissful; Luke had his eyes half-closed, his lips were parted, his skin was flushed and sweaty, he was breathing heavily through his mouth and Calum could even feel his heart pounding against his own chest. There was only one word to describe it all: perfection. His eyes stayed glued to Luke as he came and he slowly stilled the movements of his hips before pulling away and settling beside Luke.

“I love you,” the younger boy whispered as he wrapped an arm around Calum’s waist.

“I love you too,” Calum whispered back with a smile; he had been thinking about the conversation he had with Michael and Ashton the previous day and he had to admit Michael was right. He was in love with Luke but unfortunately that was something that he had to keep to himself.

He wanted to keep talking to Luke but the younger boy’s eyes were closing and Calum had the impression he was on the verge of falling asleep. He smiled as he looked at Luke, who looked so peaceful lying in his arms. In spite of all the things that they did to prevent it from happening, they ended up having sex and Calum had no regrets. He knew it was not perfect and it was even sloppy at times but it was amazing and probably the only time he would get to have sex with Luke as well. It was late and Calum knew he had to reach over and turn off the lamps that were on the bedside tables and then sleep but he simply could not take his eyes off Luke.

 


	12. Relapse Or Something Good?

The brunette scrunched his nose and hugged the body that was beside him tighter as he instantly fell asleep again; an action that was not appreciated in the same way by the other boy. When he felt himself being pulled into another warm body, Luke opened his eyes abruptly, instantly regretting doing so when his still sleepy eyes met with the ceiling lamp that was still on. He turned his head to the side to look at Calum and forced himself not to let out a sigh of frustration. He wanted to leave quietly, like he had done before, but the hold that Calum had around him made it impossible to move away. Slowly and not-so-carefully, he nudged Calum in the ribs but did it again harder when the other boy made no move.

“Ow, why are you hitting?” Calum mumbled in his sleep before snoring lightly again.

Luke mumbled something incoherent and hit him again.

“Michael, stop it.”

“Michael? I’m not Michael. Wake up, you’re crushing me.”

The brunette slowly opened his eyes and smiled at Luke, who was frowning at him. “Hi.”

“Hi? Let go of me, you’re squeezing me too tight.”

“Sorry,” Calum yawned as he rubbed his eye with the back of his index.

“How did I get here? What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

“I don’t know.” The bassist was about to frown but finally kept a neutral expression on his face; Luke did not remember.

“Did we have sex?”

“Huh… I dunno…”

“Are you naked?” the younger boy looked at him intently, hoping the answer to his question was ‘no’.

“Yep,” Calum nodded before reaching out and feeling Luke’s body, making sure to let the tip of his fingers graze the other boy’s penis. “Looks like you are too.”

“Fuck! Did you have to do this? You’re touching my dick.”

“You know we’ve all playfully touched each other there before. What’s the big deal?”

“It is. We don’t playfully touch each other’s dick when we’re lying naked in bed together. That’s so wrong.”

“Sorry,” Calum again said but it came out almost as a scoff.

“This is ridiculous. Get out.”

“What?”

“You heard me, get out of my room.”

“I’m too tired to get up. I’ll leave later,” Calum closed his eyes and pulled the sheet higher up his chest.

The younger boy kicked his feet against the mattress and groaned. He sighed as he got up and made his way to the bathroom. Opening his eyes again, Calum smiled at his retreating figure but it vanished faster than it appeared. So, that was how Luke had felt when he was the one who did not remember they had sex? He let out a sigh; it was lame and pathetic. Why was it when one of them remembered, the other did not? Why did they always ended up having sex when alcohol was involved? Were things always going to be like that between them? Sleep together, start an awkward phase between them, take ages to set things right and then get drunk and fuck things up again? Calum shook his head; he would not make the same mistakes that Luke had made. He was going to deal with things differently. The difference between things was: when he had woken up, Luke was gone but when Luke had woken up, he was still with him.

“Why did you do this?” Luke came back and pointed to his neck.

Calum looked at the dark purple spot on his skin and shrugged. “See what you did to me.” He turned around and showed Luke his back; there were scratch marks from his shoulder blades that ran down until the middle of his back

“No one is gonna care about your back but this, this is on my fucking neck. Why would you do this?”

“I was drunk and I don’t remember.”

I can’t do this right now. Can you leave me alone?”

The brunette looked at him and nodded after a few long seconds. “Alright, I’ll see you… later.”

The moment he was alone in his room, Luke threaded his fingers through his hair and sighed. How did something like that happen again? All those months, he had been careful, cautious as to what he had been doing and saying. One time he gave in to Michael and there he was, on square one. The worst part of it all, he did not remember anything at all. He had no idea what they had done and what they had not done. Why did things like that happen to him? Why was it whenever things started going right, something really bad had to happen? Life was so unfair to him. Nothing he ever wanted ever happened. Luke groaned and kicked his bare foot against the carpet. His life sucked. To add to it all, he had that enormous headache and his eyes was threatening to close again. Sighing, Luke dropped himself backward on the mattress and closed his eyes; he would deal with the Calum situation later.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Folding another shirt in four, Calum placed it in his suitcase and then grabbed another. That was the fourth time he was doing that but it did not matter. He had taken his clothes from his suitcase, folded them and set them on the bed. When he was done, he took them, folded them and then set them back in his suitcase before removing them, folding them and placing them on the bed again. He was currently putting them back in his suitcase while he thought about Luke. Luke was on his mind the whole time and he did not even know what he was doing. He was so caught up in his thought that he had not realised Michael had walked into his room and had dropped himself on the other side of the bed. The older boy’s eyes were on Calum but he did not say anything. He just kept looking at all his movements quietly but scrutinisingly.

“What are you smiling at?” he finally asked.

Calum lifted his eyes to look at the boy, who was lounging on the mattress. “What are you doing here? When did you get here?”

“About ten minutes earlier. I didn’t wanna disturb you. You looked busy. So, what were you smiling at?”

The younger boy opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out; should he tell Michael about Luke? He shook his head at the thought. Michael was usually someone who could not keep anything to himself. He would probably end up telling Ashton about it and eventually Luke but Calum did not want that. He knew he had feelings for Luke but he did not want the blonde to find out from someone else. He wanted to be the one who would proclaim his love for him. Wow, that was a little dramatic but Calum wanted to be the one who would tell Luke about how he felt; he did not need Michael or Ashton to do that for him.

“Krrrrkkk!!! Earth to Mars! Earth to Mars! Can you hear me? Is anyone there? Michael Clifford to Calum Hood! Krrrrkkk!!! I repeat, Michael Clifford to Calum Hood! Can you hear me? If you can, give me a sign, a wave or a nod. Show some sign of life.”

Calum balled the shirt that he had in one hand and tossed it at Michael’s face. “Of course, I can hear you. Jerk.”

“Yeah? You were just phasing out. I thought you were having another panic attack.”

“And this is how you’d deal with the situation if I was having a panic attack? How real mature of you,” the bassist rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fucking give me the eye-roll. You didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?”

“What were you smiling at?”

“At… hmm… a funny video I saw on YouTube yesterday.”

“Really?” Michael asked unimpressed.

“Yes. You want me to give you the link?”

“No… what was it about?”

“It was… huh… there was that… thing…”

“It’s Luke, isn’t it?”

Calum was about to say yes but he bit his tongue. “What? No, why would you say that?”

“Because I think I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re smiling because of some silly video or something else. It’s Luke?”

“Huh…”

“How long have we known each other?” Michael shifted to look at him.

“Too long to even count on my fingers,” the bassist laughed.

“Exactly. You know if there’s something, you can tell me. You can trust me.”

“I had sex with Luke,” Calum mumbled and lowered his eyes.

“Yeah, I know that already. Tell me something I don’t.”

“No, I mean, day before yesterday… well, technically, it was yesterday since it was past midnight.”

“Is that why Luke was grumpy all day yesterday?”

“Yeah… he was kinda drunk and doesn’t remember anything,” the younger boy sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed, looking at his shoes intently.

“Fuck! This is so fucked up. Why is it that whenever something happens, one of you is too drunk to remember?”

“Since I’ve known we had sex, I’ve been asking myself this question and trust me, I’m still trying to find the answer.”

“Shit. So what now?”

“I dunno… but it looks like your plan worked after all. You wanted us to drink with you so that something happens between us, right?”

“Yeah but I thought you guys would be sober enough to remember because you two have been too careful around drinks. I didn’t know you guys would take it easy and get trashed.”

“I wasn’t, Luke was. I only had a few drinks.”

“Why did you let it happen then?”

“Huh… because I wanted it,” Calum glanced at Michael before turning his attention back to his Nikes. “You were right, I do feel something for him.”

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“What? No, not right now. He’s already freaking out because we had sex. I’m gonna give him some time to get over that before talking to him.”

“What about Ashton? We’ve got to tell him.”

“What?” the bassist frowned. “I can’t even share a secret with my best friend without having to worry about him telling others. That’s bullshit.”

“Others? Ashton is your best friend too.”

“Yeah, while you’re at it, why don’t you go and tell Luke as well? Is there anyone I can trust?”

“Oh, please. Quit your melodrama. Ashton’s not really into gossips and if you’re worried he’ll tell Luke, don’t be. He won’t.”

“How can you be sure? How can I be sure?”

“One, he’s your best friend and you should tell him and two, he didn’t tell you anything when Luke told us about you two.”

Calum sighed; of course he should trust Ashton and tell him. “Fine, you do it but not a word to Luke.”

“Nope, not one. We’ll leave that to you.”

“Are you going now?” the younger boy asked when Michael got up.

“Yeah, get some sleep and stop worrying. And please, leave those shirts alone. You’re doing a terrible job.”

Calum turned his head to his suitcase and laughed; Michael was right, he was doing a terrible job. His suitcase looked messier than when he had taken it. While he was lost in his thoughts, he had done more bad to his clothes than good and he was probably going to regret that when he would wear them. Luke; he smiled at the thought of the other boy. He could only hope Luke would be alright soon so that he could talk to him. In the meantime, he should give the younger boy some space and maybe take a shower because he was quite certain that stinky smell was coming from him.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Luke chewed on his lower lip as he impatiently bounced his right foot. He was annoyed, frustrated even. He kept his distances from Calum, had avoided strong alcohols, had kept his feelings to himself, and had kept telling himself and others that he had moved on but after so many months, he had sex with Calum again. It seemed all of his hard works and sacrifices had failed and all that he had done was for no reason. He had wasted his time and energy for nothing. How did he let that happen? He had been so careful, then how? Deep down, he knew how he ended up getting drunk. He had planned on stopping after a few drinks since he was only doing it because he did not want to disappoint Michael again but then Calum had said he was tired and did not want to drink. Luke had assumed it was safe for him to finally get drunk and have nothing to worry about the next morning but he was wrong. It was all Calum’s fault. Getting to his feet, he made his way to Calum’s hotel room.

Calum hummed to a happy tune as he wiped the mirror and ran his fingers through his wet hair. It had been so long since he had a long hot bath and truth be told, it felt amazing. He kept humming to the same tune and walked back into his room with a towel wrapped around his hips.

“Why did you do that?” Luke asked in an irritated tone.

Calum frowned at that; first, Luke had barged into his room and second, he was talking to him as if he was accusing him of something. “Hello would have been less rude.”

“You think I care about being nice right now?”

“You should. I don’t think your mom would like if you forget your manners.”

“Don’t talk about my mom,” Luke glared at him and warned.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Why did you have sex with me?”

“For the same reason that you had sex with me.”

“What?”

“I was drunk and don’t remember.”

“But you said you wouldn’t drink.”

“I did. I had a couple of beers and then the three of you seemed to be having more fun. I couldn’t hold myself and joined in.”

“Asshole. If I knew you would, I wouldn’t have. All this happened because of you.”

“You’re acting like it’s the first time it happened. Relax, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“What? We’re best friends. We’re not supposed to be having sex.”

“There are tons of people who are friends with benefits and it had never caused them any problems.”

Luke blinked a few times and stared at Calum with his slightly opened mouth. What did Calum mean by that? Did he indirectly say that he wanted to have that kind of relationship? The blonde shook his head; no, Calum would never want that from him. He was a dude, so was Calum and Calum was very much into girls. He must have understood wrong.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That it’s not a big deal. We were drunk and we have no clue what happened. Other than us being drunk and horny, I don’t see any other reasons why we would sleep with each other. It’s not like we crave for one another, right?”

The younger boy looked at Calum and locked eyes with him; Calum seemed so sincere and honest. If Luke did not say anything about the feelings that he buried in the deepest corner of his heart, Calum would not find out. He felt bad for lying to Calum but that was the only thing that seemed right. “You’re right, we’re just best friends, nothing more.”

“Exactly,” Calum smiled; it was not the right time to talk to Luke, not yet.

 


	13. Mixed Emotions

Ashton dropped himself on the couch next to Calum, in their dressing room, and let out a big sigh. They had just played a show, the crowd was wild and he was drenched in sweat, was thirsty and was pumped but was still too lazy to get up and grab something to drink.

“Can I get one too?” he asked when Michael opened a bottle of beer and took a big sip.

“Yep,” Michael walked to him and handed him a bottle before taking a seat on another couch.

“Where’s all the water?” Luke asked, looking at his three friends.

“Are you not drinking already?” Ashton pointed to the beer bottle in the younger boy’s hand.

“Yeah but I need some water.”

“Here,” Calum smiled as he opened and handed a bottle to Luke, intentionally letting his fingers graze Luke’s in the process.

“Thanks.”

Keeping his eyes on Luke and Calum, Michael nodded to what Ashton was saying about the show, without really listening to him; his mind was elsewhere. He had wanted Luke and Calum to get past their differences and their silly reasoning so that they could get together but no one, no one was willing to help him out. Luke had been a pro at ignoring the matter and acting all weird and freaked out, shutting Calum out. That was until he had started being a total jerk and acting like nothing was wrong, when he was undoubtedly drifting away. Ashton, that ape who called himself Michael’s best friend, had clearly ordered him to stay away from those two and to let them figure things out on their own.

He had known then and there that it was a lost cause because you could not expect someone to do something when he was obviously not willing to take a step forward. However, due to recent events, which was another sexual encounter, things had finally started to look better. Calum had taken matters into his own hands and had decided to deal with the situation with diplomacy; something which had made Michael proud because he had always known Calum was the best at making sensible decisions. That way, Ashton would never be able to say anything if he gave them a little push, a little nudge in the right direction. Besides, he could already see that Calum had started to make his move.

“Hold on,” Calum said as he walked to the little table in the corner and walked back to Luke.

The bassist had grabbed one of the various towels and dabbed the side of Luke’s face, wiping the bead of sweat that was rolling down on his skin. Slowly, he directed the towel lower to the side of the blonde’s neck, patting his skin while he would let the tip of his fingers trail down, following the same path as the soft dark blue towel. He was about to wipe the middle of his neck but Luke suddenly grabbed his hand, halting him, before quickly letting go of it and pulling the towel out of his hand.

“I’ll do it,” Luke mumbled, looking away.

What had he been thinking? For a minute, he was going to close his eyes and let Calum keep going but then Ashton’s voice pulled him back to reality and he was thankful for that. Honestly speaking, as much as he loved Calum, sometimes, he just hated himself for giving in to things that Calum did; things that would make his little heart flutter or things that he wanted to keep going forever, like Calum’s hand on his skin. At times, he just could not understand why his mind and his heart could not abide to the decision which he had taken; the decision to stay away from Calum, to ignore the little things that Calum did that would cause butterflies to erupt in his stomach, simple friendly touches that always made him want to lean in for more or simply Calum being his usual adorable self. It was frustrating but he had to do it. The future of their relationship depended on that.

“Huh?” Luke was again interrupted when Calum snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“You’re acting weird,” the boy commented.

Michael laughed at that. “What’s new about that? Luke is always weird. Actually, weird is a synonym of Luke.”

“Synonym? Synonym?” Ashton also burst out laughing. “This is great.”

“Weird?”

Huffing, Luke walked over to where Michael was sitting and pinned him on the couch as he tried to hit him. Through his laughter, Michael attempted to block Luke’s hands while making sure not to spill his beer. He wanted to push Luke off him but the younger boy was holding him in place with his knees pressed against his chest, making it impossible for him to move without hurting himself. Mumbling some incoherent words, Luke pulled the bottle from Michael’s hand and poured its content onto the front of the older boy’s already damp shirt and jeans. Michael tried to stop him but Luke pushed his hands away and made sure to empty everything on his clothes before dropping the bottle to the floor.

He let out an evil but satisfy laugh before pulling away and turning around to get his own bottle of beer. It was Michael’s turn to scoff; there was no way Luke would do that and get away. If the younger boy thought so, he was certainly mistaken. He quickly got to his feet and jumped onto Luke’s back, causing the other boy to fall at the sudden action. With him being on top, there was no way Luke could escape, the younger boy was at his mercy. Pinning Luke to the floor, he grabbed Calum’s bottle, which was on the table, and poured the beer onto the back of Luke’s head and his ass by shoving the top part of the bottle inside Luke’s jeans.

“Revenge is sweet,” Michael said into Luke’s ear. “Or in this case, wet, very wet.”

“It’s a wet pants party,” Ashton shouted before jumping on top of the two and pouring more beer on them.

Calum shook his head at them. “When you kids are done playing, let me know because we have to get to the bus.”

“Done playing?” the drummer lifted his head to look at him. Getting back to his feet, he charged at Calum, ignoring the boy’s protests. “We can never be done playing if you’re not part of it.” On that, he flung Calum on one of his shoulders and dropped him on top of Luke and Michael before jumping on top of them again and splashing more beer on them.

“Fuck! I’m loving this game,” Michael said loudly as he shifted to wrap an arm around Ashton’s waist.

Luke who had been quiet the whole time, lay frozen on the spot. When Michael had moved, that had brought Calum closer to him and he could even feel the bassist’s breaths on the side of his face. As nice and warm as it felt, it was something that he did not need in his life, although it was something that he wanted. It was like the farther he wanted to be from Calum, the closer they were thrown back together. To add to it, Michael and Ashton were not being of any help. On the contrary, their actions were always favouring him and Calum being together. Sometimes, Luke wondered if it was all accidental or they always did it intentionally.

“Guys, get up. You’re crushing me,” Luke whined.

“Crushing you? There’s no way we could be crushing you,” Michael commented. “You’re not a little boy anymore, you’re a big muscular man.”

“Who happens to have three fat-ass muscular men on top of him. So, yeah, you’re all crushing me. Get off.”

“Get up guys. We’ll continue this on the bus,” Ashton said the moment he was back on his feet.

“What? Seriously?” Michael turned to look at him and Ashton nodded. “How can you be like this? One minute you’re fun and crazy and the next you’re back to giving orders?”

“I’m not giving orders. I’m just saying we could continue this later. And secondly, somebody had got to be the sensible one. Get up.”

“You know, when you act like this, I always call you ape, mentally,” Michael rolled his eyes but made no move.

“Get up,” Calum laughed as he playfully smacked Luke’s ass and then Michael’s.

“Oh yeah baby. I love this. Spank me again,” Michael let out a loud moan while he humped Luke’s right thigh.

“Ugh…” Luke made a face. “This is disgusting.”

Leaning close to Luke, Michael whispered in his ear. “I bet it wasn’t disgusting when Calum had his dick in your ass.”

“Get lost, mother fucker.”

“Quit it,” Ashton said as he grabbed Michael’s foot and pulled him away.

“Ape, ape, ape,” Michael chanted.

“If I’m an ape, you’re a baboon.”

“Why would you call me a baboon?” Michael turned around to look at him; he was clearly offended.

“You called me an ape.”

“But that’s my way of showing my love for you,” Michael protested.

“And this is mine.”

“That’s such a lie. You’re such a fat liar, Ashton Irwin.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Hey, your hair is all wet and smelly now,” ignoring their bickering and turning his attention to the boy, who was under him, Calum stated as he ran his fingers through Luke’s hair, just like Luke liked.

The younger boy closed his eyes and let out a sigh; it was definitely not his day. Seeing the direction things were going and the rate at which they were going, he doubted he would be able to last much longer. Every time Calum’s hand was on his skin, there was a small voice at the back of his head that shouted ‘give in’ and Luke swore every time, the voice just kept getting louder and louder; he might as well give in. After a few long seconds, he shook his head. That was not what Calum wanted. The older boy had made it clear that Luke was only his best friend and there was nothing else between them. By giving in to his deepest desire, he would only end up making a fool of himself, embarrassing both of them. Nope, keeping his distance was the best option.

**O.O.O.O.O**

“Hey little Eskimo,” Michael smiled when he walked to the back of the bus and saw Calum, who was wrapped in a blanket.

“Is it just me or is it unusually cold?” the bassist frowned.

“It’s a bit chilly but not so much that you’d have to cocoon yourself like that,” the older boy laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me? It’s freezing.”

Michael shook his head and took a seat beside him. “I see you’ve already started to make a move on Luke.”

“What? What are you even talking about?”

“You may fool everyone else but not me. Irrespective of what people think, I’m very observant. I saw how you were intentionally touching him.”

“Shit!” Calum lowered his eyes and looked at the floor. “It was supposed to be subtle.”

“It was.”

“If it was, how come you saw?”

“Because I’ve been keeping an eye on both of you?”

“You’re just a piece of shit,” Calum laughed. “I just hope I’m doing the right thing.”

“Trust me, you are. It’s getting to him.”

“Shh… someone’s coming,” Calum whispered.

“Why are you feeling so cold anyway? Are you gonna be sick?” Michael asked with concern.

“I don’t know.”

“Let me warm you up a bit,” Michael wrapped his arms around Calum and smiled.

Luke, who was standing by the door, rolled his eyes and walked to the couch. “Hey, am I interrupting?”

“Nope,” Michael shook his head. “I thought you were hanging out with Ashton.”

“I was but he fell asleep. I came to hang out with you. And why are you wrapped in a blanket?”

“Because I’m cold,” Calum simply said.

“Your breath feels so warm on my neck. It’s nice,” Michael pointed out with a smile.

Luke again rolled his eyes at them. He knew there was nothing wrong in cuddling with your best friend but he still could not help feeling jealous though. He wanted to be the one who had his arms wrapped around Calum, whispering things in his ear. Why could others do things that he could not? It was so frustrating that it made him mad. His hands were itching to grab Michael and pull him away from Calum. He wanted to yell at the older boy, telling him to stay away from his Calum but he could not; Michael was his best friend and everyone would find it weird if he did that.

“I told you to make a move on him already but now, see, it’s too late,” Luke mouthed to himself. “If you had, you’d have been the one hugging him right now.”

“Shut up, Robert,” the blonde said loudly, causing Calum and Michael to turn and look at him.

“Dude, are you alright? Why did you say that?”

“I… huh… I was talking to my phone. My battery is dead again.”

Michael pulled the phone from his hand and plugged in the charger. “Problem solved.” But then he frowned. “It’s saying your battery is almost full.”

Luke faked a frown. “That’s odd. I swear it just turned off in my face.”

“Aww, Little Luke just wants some attention and he doesn’t know how to,” Michael snickered.

“I don’t want attention.”

“Michael, come back. It’s getting cold again,” Calum said when Michael kept standing with his hands on his hips while staring at Luke.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Michael again took his seat but got under the blanket this time. “Luke, come and cuddle with us.”

“Yeah, come and cuddle with us. It’ll be warmer,” Calum added.

“No, I’ll pass.”

“Come on.”

“Stop being such a dick and cuddle with us.”

“Fuck you guys.” Luke got up to leave but Michael grabbed his wrist and pulled him to them.

“Aww,” Luke cried when he accidentally landed in Calum’s lap.

Michael pulled the blanket around Luke and wrapped one arm around the younger boy so that he could not leave while Calum did the same. “There, there. Comfy, comfy.”

“You guys are so mean. You always make me do what you want because I’m younger,” Luke complained.

“Of course not, we treat each other equally,” Calum said as he moved his hand up and down Luke’s back slowly.

Luke turned his head to the side to look into Calum’s eyes as the brunette looked back into his. It was an action that lasted for only a few seconds because the driver had abruptly applied the brakes and their foreheads collided with a thud while Luke’s lips pressed against the corner of Calum’s lips. Calum’s lips against his; that was something that he had not had in a while and he had almost forgotten what it felt like, how Calum tasted or how it was to play with Calum’s tongue. It felt like an eternity since he had kissed Calum although a couple of weeks earlier they had sex again and might have kissed countless times but he had been too drunk to remember. So, that was the most recent kiss he had with the brunette. It was purely accidental but it left a tingling sensation in Luke’s lips while Calum was acting like it did not happen; maybe it really did not happen and he was only imagining. As Calum lifted his hand to rub at his forehead, Luke did the same and winced at the pain.

“Why is it always a disaster whenever the two of you are thrown together?” Michael laughed.

“Trust me, I’ve been asking myself the same thing,” Luke sighed and shook his head.

 


	14. Rewind

“You’re doing it again,” Michael said, breaking the silence, before putting another fries into his mouth.

“Doing what?” Calum frowned.

“Chain smoking,” the older boy pointed to the cigarette between Calum’s fingers.

Calum eyed the cigarette and the other three butts in the ashtray. He had not realised he was on his fourth one; he was again doing it, doing something and not knowing he was doing it and that behaviour was seriously starting to scare him. Whatever it was that had been going on in his life had to stop because he was not sure he could deal with it altogether. Seeing Luke made him feel things that he had never felt before and it also made him want to do things, mostly not innocent things, to the blonde. He could also not ignore the fact that most of the time, Luke would pull away even if their hands only touch by pure accident and if the younger boy was hugging him, Calum could tell he was doing it so as to avoid questions that he did not want to answer and he was not doing it because he wanted to, or needed to or simply because he could. He knew he had fallen in love with Luke but he also missed having his best friend, sharing things with him and being crazy together. Things definitely had to stop, it was…

“Cal, I’m talking to you. I don’t like it when you act like this. It freaks me out.”

“I’m not acting like anything.”

“You’re phasing out. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do it anymore. It’s been two weeks and I’ve been trying, doing everything I can but it’s not working. It’s like, instead of getting Luke closer to me, it’s taking him away. I’m giving up. I can’t deal with it anymore.”

“Deal with what?” Ashton asked as he walked to where Michael and Calum were sitting on the roof of their hotel.

“Trying to get with Luke,” Michael said when Calum did not answer.

“What? Why would you do that? I’m sure it’s all Michael’s doings. He coerced you into doing this, didn’t he?”

Michael scoffed. “What? Why would you blame it on me?”

“Because that’s what you’ve been wanting from the beginning.”

“Let me tell you something, it’s not me. Calum wanted to do it.”

“Yeah, after you convinced him to, maybe?”

“This is outrageous,” Michael threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Fucking ridiculous. You’re unnecessarily blaming me.”

“Stop being dramatic. I’m not blaming you. I just know what I’m saying,” the drummer stated.

“Why do you always have to be a prick to me? A giant pain in my ass?” he kicked Ashton’s knee with his bare foot.

“I know it hurts but I’m only speaking the truth.”

Again kicking Ashton’s knee, he mumbled under his breath. “Fucker. If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask the man?”

“Cal?” Ashton turned his attention to Calum.

“Michael didn’t do anything. I’m the one who fucked things up.”

“Ha!” Michael shouted. “Told you so.”

“What exactly did you fucking do?”

“Subtly fucked with Luke’s head,” the bassist replied as he crushed the cigarette butt in the ashtray.

The oldest of the three raised an eyebrow at him. “Meaning?”

“I tried to get him to want me by doing simple things but it’s not working. I’ve been trying for the past 17 days but nothing good happened. It’s only making things worse. When I say worse, I mean like real bad. Things have reached the point where Luke would flinch and pull away if I simply touch his hand. Believe me or not, it really hurts inside when he does that. I want it to stop. I want my best friend back. I want things to be just like before, before this shit started.”

“But you love him,” Michael said quietly.

“I don’t care. Having Luke as my best friend is my priority.”

“This,” Michael started and Ashton glared at him while Calum only stared at him; the two knew whatever was going to come out of his mouth was going to be an utter rubbish. Ignoring them, Michael continued. “That’s your brain talking but the thing is, how are you gonna convince your heart?”

“Can’t you shut up for once?” Ashton was the one to kick Michael’s foot.

“Listen, not talking from personal experience or anything, but I know a thing or two and I can tell that things get a little harder and more complex when it’s a matter of heart. Judging by the looks on your faces, I know that you two are hating me right now but I’m only stating the truth.”

“Do you really have to be so pessimist?” the drummer rolled his eyes.

“Not pessimist, only rational. I’m not saying it’s impossible but it’s gonna take time and it’s gonna hurt. I don’t wanna see you hurt or sad or upset or anything.”

“And I hate to see Luke sad and upset. I’ve made up my mind, I’m gonna set things right this time.”

“I don’t know what Michael has to say about that but I’ve got your back.”

Michael sighed. “I’m not against you… I just thought you’d wanna fight for it. But if you don’t want to and if this s what you want, I’m with you.”

“I knew I could always count on you,” Calum smiled. “Both of you.”

“What exactly are you gonna do?”

“Just leave that to me. I already have kinda like an idea.”

**O.O.O.O.O**

When he heard a knock on his door, Michael closed his eyes tighter and rolled to the other side of the bed, trying to get some sleep. He knew, with the tour, they were all tired but that particular day, he was feeling a little bit more exhausted than usual. Again another knock and Michael sighed; it did not look like the person planned on going away if he chose to ignore him and not open his door. Again sighing, he pulled a shirt on while walking to the door at the same time. Whoever that was, he better had a good reason for getting him away from the warmth of the bed and the soft blanket, otherwise Michael was definitely going to kick his ass. He raise an eyebrow when he saw Calum standing on the other side of the door, a wide grin plastered on his face. It had been so long since he had seen Calum smiling like that and he had almost forgotten what it was like.

Honestly, he was glad to see a genuine smile on the bassist’s face because he had missed it so much and seeing the normally cheerful Calum gloomy was starting to get unbearable. The younger boy walked past Michael and further into his room with two bags, one in each of his hands. Closing the door behind him, Michael’s eyes followed him as he set the two bags on the table and quietly took a seat on the couch. He again raised his eyebrow when Calum emptied the bags, setting a few bottle of alcoholic drinks and a few packets of chips on the coffee table. There was something wrong going on about that whole scene. Calum had said he had an idea and for two long days Michael had been waiting to hear it or see it in action but that did not look like a bright idea at all, not even a little bit.

The brunette wanted to fix things between him and Luke, why did he get so much alcohol? When he knew alcohol always made things worse, then why? Did Calum change his mind in those two days? Did he change his mind and not bother informing him or Ashton? Was he going to keep trying to win Luke over? Quietly walking towards him, Michael cleared his throat a couple of times to get his attention.

“Can you call Luke and Ashton while I get us settled?” Calum asked as he lifted his head to look at Michael.

“Uhh… what’s going on?” Michael motioned to the stuffs on the table.

“What does it look like?”

“Like we’re gonna drink our brains out.”

The brunette laughed at the choice of words. “Exactly.”

“Huh, hello? Did you forget what you said two days ago? Are you drunk already?”

“I’m not drunk and neither did I forget.”

“Then, why the fuck are there so many bottles of vodka? Are we having a party and not inviting Luke?” Michael asked, confused; although, he knew that was not an option because Calum had asked him to call Ashton and Luke.

“Of course not.”

“Care to explain? I’m confused as hell. Why are we drinking when you know it only make things worse? When you know bad shits happen when you and Luke are drunk together.”

“I thought about it and I figured this is the solution.”

“Did you fall? Hit your head somewhere?” the older boy moved closer to where Calum was sitting on the couch and buried his fingers through his hair, looking for any bumps.

“Fuck off. I didn’t hit my head.”

“Why are you acting weird then?”

“Well, this whole thing started with two dudes under the influence of alcohol and that is how it’s gonna end, with two dudes under the influence of alcohol.”

The older boy shook his head. “I still don’t get your point.”

“I’m gonna prove that we can very well get drunk and not end up having sex with each other. We have done that countless times in the past and we should still be able to do it without ending up naked in bed.”

“You do realise there’s no guarantee in that.”

“Will you go and call them or not?”

“Alright, alright,” Michael raised his hands in defence and took his phone from the bed before sending them a quick text. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I know it looks crazy but you’ve gotta trust me on this one.”

“Alright, although… I honestly do not have a good feeling about this.”

“A good feeling about what?” Ashton asked as he entered Michael’s room. “Why the fuck did you get so much alcohol?” he turned to Michael and glared at him. “And to top it, you have a good feeling about it? You never understand, do you?”

Michael rolled his eyes at him; Ashton always had the tendency to blame him for everything that was wrong and lately, that was getting more and more frequent. It happened so often that Michael had gotten used to it. “Yeah, go on. Bitch at me. This does not surprise me anymore. What else are you gonna say? That I’m trying to force my wish onto Calum? Trying to convince him to do something that he does not want to? Like to get with Luke, for example?”

“I don’t have to say anything. You know that’s what you’re doing,” Ashton stated as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I just think you love being a pain in my ass.”

“Guys, quit it. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe you both are adults; you act like kids, bickering over silly things.”

“That’s our way of expressing our love. Right, Ash?” Michael smiled at him.

“No, that’s my way of telling you you’re wrong when you’re wrong.”

“Michael didn’t do anything. I got the drinks,” Calum said before Michael could say anything because that would start another unnecessary argument that would last for several long minutes.

“What? Are you fucking out of your mind?”

“No… I…”

“What’s the rush? Why did you call me here urgently?” Luke yawned as he slowly walked into the room and towards them.

“I called you urgently and you show up after ten minutes? That’s very responsible. What if I was being attacked?”

“I don’t think you’d have had time to put emojis in your message if you really were being attacked. Huh… what is this? Are we having a party?”

“Yes, we are,” Calum smiled and motioned for Luke to take a seat as well.

The younger boy nodded. “On which occasion? What are we celebrating?”

“Oh Luke,” Michael shook his head and threw an arm around the other boy’s shoulder. “Do we really need a reason to drink?”

“I guess not…”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get started.”

A couple of hours later, they were still in Michael’s hotel room, with the only difference: there were empty bottles on the floor, chips scattered on the coffee table and the floor and they were all talking and laughing at the same time. It turned out Calum’s plan was not so lame after all because at that particular moment, both Luke and Calum were sitting side by side on the floor and were leaning against each other while laughing at Ashton’s poop joke. Calum closed his eyes and let himself fall backward; he was somehow buzzing and for the first time in forever, he was having a great time. He could tell they all were and having the drinks was actually a good idea because they were all loosening up, especially Luke, who had been acting distant for the last couple of weeks. If only he had known, he would have given that option a shot a long time ago.

“I think we should call it a night,” Michael yawned.

“Yeah,” Calum moved back to a sitting position and nodded. “Shall we go?” he asked as he looked from Ashton to Luke a couple of time before blinking a few times; that action was not a pleasant one.

“I’m just gonna crash here,” the drummer patted the sofa that he was sitting on.

“Alright, we’ll see you tomorrow. Get up, baby giraffe. I’m waiting.”

“I am, I am,” Luke laughed and got to his feet, tripping and almost landing on the carpet again. “Whoops.”

“I’ve got you,” Calum said as he wrapped his arm around Luke’s waist, in an attempt to steady him but nearly causing them to fall again.

“Careful guys,” Michael called.

“Yep, we’re good. Night night.”

“Nananight,” Luke waved before Calum closed the door.

“Let’s go.”

“Let’s get you to your room, then I’ll go to mine,” Luke said, also wrapping his arm around Calum as the two made their way in the direction of their rooms.

“Yeah, let’s get you to your room, then I’ll go to mine,” the bassist agreed. “Hurry, the hallway is spinning.”

“Oh look, there’s a disco ball,” Luke lifted his head to look at the bright ceiling light that they passed. “And another one.”

“Where’s your key?” Calum asked when they stopped in front of a door.

Luke pulled the card from the pocket of his shorts and handed it to Calum. The brunette took it, slid it into the slot and waited. “That’s odd,” he said when the door did not open.

“Try again.”

“It’s not working. Is this your key?” he turned to look at Luke with questioning eyes.

“Of course,” Luke laughed. “Why would I have someone else in my pocket? Someone else in my key? Key? Someone else pocket in my key?”

“Let me try my key.”

“Why would your key fit my door?” Luke slurred but then grinned when the door opened. “It’s magic. This place is magical.”

“No, I’m Magi-Cal,” Calum laughed as he entered the room.

“And I’m a unicorn.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a hamster. You’re Hemmster the hamster.”

Luke stopped and stared at him, a frown appearing on his feature. “You have this…” he moved closer and pressed his index to the corner of Calum’s lips, still frowning.

“What?”

“This thing…” he replied, blinking slowly.

Inching even closer, he closed his eyes when his lips touched his finger, which was still on Calum’s lips. He pulled the finger out of the way and enclosed his lips properly around Calum’s while he wrapped his arms around the other boy’s neck at the same time. In turn, Calum also wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist while he pressed his lips firmly against Luke’s and moved them together. Luke was kissing him, he was kissing Luke, what else could be better? Gasping, Luke licked across Calum’s lips, wetting them before pushing it past them and into the brunette’s mouth. Slowly, he licked the roof and sides of the other boy’s mouth, smiling when he felt Calum’s arms tighten around him. Their tongues rubbed against one another as the two boys tried to breathe through their noses at the same time. He abruptly thrust his hips against Calum’s, almost causing them to trip again, if it was not for Calum, who steadied them.

“Ahh…” the older boy cried when Luke accidentally bit hard on his lower lip in the process.

“Sorry,” Luke frowned as he reached to rub the spot but missed it and rubbed a spot above the other boy’s chin instead.

“The bed,” Calum mumbled. “Let’s just get on the bed, that way we won’t fall.”

“Yes, let’s get on the bed… I love the bed.”

Ignoring what the younger boy was saying, Calum took his hand and led them to the bed. He wasted no time before pushing Luke onto the mattress and settling beside him. As he supported himself on an elbow and stared into the blonde’s eyes, he slowly reached out and cupped the side of his face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Lacing his fingers through Calum’s thick hair, Luke pulled him to him and connected their lips again, glad that Calum kissed back with as much passion. Slowly, he pushed the brunette onto his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips while managing not to break the kiss and successfully doing so even when he was drunk. It soon turned out to be: lips moving impatiently together, tongues rubbing against one another playfully, both of them pulling away to catch their breaths, staring into each other’s eyes intently and then going back at it again.

Things were not going how Calum had intended, in fact, they were diverging from his plan and were going in the complete opposite direction but Calum did not care at that moment. Even if it was like taking a step backward, he was enjoying himself too much to give it a thought. However, Michael’s words kept resonating in his head, _‘there’s no guarantee in that’_ the older boy had said and it turned out he was right because there he was, in bed with Luke on top of him. Calum was brought back to reality when Luke rotated his ass against his hips. Two seconds were all it took for every rational thoughts to fly out of his head and out of the window to disappear into thin air. He was there, Luke was there and that was all that mattered to him; him and Luke together. He hissed when Luke bit on the side of his neck before sucking the skin between his lips. Calum closed his eyes and turned his head to the other side, giving Luke more access to his neck.

Pressing a kiss to the mark that he had just made, Luke hoisted himself up, to a sitting position, and bit his lower lip as he looked at Calum. Calum was looking so good lying on the bed there; his eyes were half-closed, his plump lips were pinker than usual and parted, his cheeks were flushed and he was looking right at Luke. The blonde pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside while he kept moving his ass in a gyrating motion against Calum’s hips. He fanned his fingers and pressed his palms against the other boy’s stomach before slowly moving them up and down and feeling Calum’s skin at the same time. Keeping his eyes on Luke, Calum trailed his hands along Luke’s bare calves, up his clothed thighs and placed them on his hips. Luke grinned when he felt something poking his ass and he immediately got off Calum, to kneel beside him.

“You have a monster in your pants,” Luke looked at him from under his eyelashes. “Do you want me to take care of it?”

Smirking, the bassist propped himself on his elbows. “How exactly do you intent to do that?”

“Well, I have a mighty weapon,” Luke pointed between his legs.

“Come here,” Calum said as he pulled Luke back on top of him and crashed their lips together.

 


	15. What The F***?

Pulling the blanket higher over his shoulders, Calum rolled onto his other side and scrunched his nose when his calf touched something soft and warm but he ignored it and went back to snoring lightly as he fell back asleep. That was something that could not be ignored by someone else; Luke blinked, slowly opening his eyes, and whimpered when Calum’s leg kept pressing his penis and balls. There he was again, naked in bed, with Calum lying beside him. Months of trying to stay away from the brunette, all went to waste. Pushing the leg off his groin, Luke wanted to quietly get up and leave the room, unnoticed, but the moment the said leg was off him, Calum had thrown an arm around his waist, making it impossible for him to get off the bed, not if he wanted Calum not to wake up. He really hated it sometimes, when he wanted something to happen but it was the exact opposite that took place.

Calum groaned when he felt something poke him in the ribs but made no move to wake up or to open his eyes. He knew he was only having a light sleep but he felt so warm and comfortable under the blanket and did not want to get away from that. Plus, judging by the little amount of sleep that he had gotten, it probably was still early and they did not have anything important to do until afternoon; so, he could get some more sleep. There it was again, when he was about to doze off again, another three pokes in his ribs.

“What?” Calum asked groggily without opening his eyes.

“You’re squeezing me. Let go of me, I want to get up.”

“But we’re so warm and cosy,” he replied, pulling Luke closer to him.

“I don’t want to stay here. I want to go to my room.”

Without saying anything, Calum slowly pulled his hand away from Luke and wrapped it around himself. Luke may not have said much but the irritated tone in his voice did not go unnoticed by Calum. He let his eyes follow Luke as the younger boy got off the bed and quietly got dressed. He could not help but wonder when things would finally be fine between them or when they would finally be able to do something, like cuddle in bed, without having second thoughts or regrets. It was like every time he wanted to take the initiative to do something good, something had to go wrong and they would take a backward step. Calum pressed his palm against his forehead and sighed as he looked at the ceiling. All of his worries had one thing in common: Luke, who always took things too seriously and it always messed up Calum’s plans. Whether Luke liked it or not, he was going to change things. Then Luke left the room without breaking the silence, leaving Calum to stare into his empty hotel room.

He locked the door and leant against it, letting out a deep breath, breath that he did not know he had been holding from Calum’s room to his. He was such a fool; he had promised himself he would never have sex with Calum again but that was not what had happened the previous night. They had done it yet again. No matter what they had done or planned to do had been ruined. Luke had not wanted to but then there was Calum, looking at him, sitting beside him and laughing with him. The drinks were circulating and he was sitting on Michael’s floor, with Calum leaning into his side and the warmth coming from the brunette’s body was so pleasant, so tempting and Luke could not resist anymore. As the clock kept ticking, they were less and less sober and Luke wanted to let go of all the boundaries and set himself free. For the first time in months, he wanted to let his heart and body take control over his head, which had been keeping him grounded.

Yes, that was the truth. When he had left Michael’s room, he had been as much in his senses as he had been when he had entered that room. He had a couple of drinks but he was not drunk, not even tipsy. Calum was looking unusually attractive and he could not help himself. He just left with the other boy and let things happen because he knew in situations like that, Calum would not remember, just like the other times, and therefore, there was no harm in having sex with him. If lying to his best friend and doing something like that was horrible, then yes, he was a horrible person and he was not sure he regretted anything that had happened the previous night. The only thing he wished he could change was their conversation of that morning because he had planned to leave Calum’s room slyly and then pretend nothing had happened but unfortunately that was not the case and it was alright; he would live with that and Calum would too.

In the past months, he had been having sex with Calum when they had both been too drunk to know what they were doing but the previous night, the previous night was not like that at all; Luke knew very well what was happening and what he was doing. That only meant one thing: he was in a bigger mess than he had been before. Sighing, he dropped himself backward on his bed and let out another loud sigh. Whatever new trouble that he had willingly invited into his life, he would have to find a new way to deal with it. Ignoring the situation was not the solution anymore and Luke could see that; he would have to come up with something else, something better. Plus, he had to do it fast, before things completely slipped out of his grasp and he would lose all control over them. No, he was not going to let himself be weakened by his feelings. He was Luke Hemmings and he was stronger than that; that part he knew for sure, the rest not so much.

**…..:::::…..**

“What the fuck are you doing?” Michael asked the moment he dropped himself on the couch, next to Calum, and grabbed a controller.

“Playing,” the bassist motioned towards the screen without letting himself be distracted.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. I meant, Luke. I thought you wanted to fix things between you two.”

“Yep, that’s the plan.”

“I saw you leave with him last night,” Michael said slowly as he watched Calum’s face while the other boy tried his best to direct his attention to his game. “I wasn’t as drunk as you thought I was.”

“So?”

“Stop playing. I’m trying to talk to you.” On that, he pulled the controller from Calum’s hand and tossed it to the other side of the couch, out of the brunette’s reach.

“Hey, I wasn’t done and I was winning.”

“Yeah but I have more important things to talk to you about than your game of FIFA. I’m sure that can wait.”

“Fine,” Calum sighed.

“I saw you leave together,” the older boy repeated.

“Yeah, he was drunk. I dropped him to his room and then I went to mine, straight to bed.”

“Really?” Michael raised an eyebrow at him.

“Huh… affirmative,” Calum nodded.

“What was he doing in your bed, naked, then?”

“What? You’re spying on me?”

Michael shook his head in negation. “No, I came to talk to you but you were busy getting your dick sucked.”

“Oh god… this is so embarrassing…”

“That’s not the point. The point is, why are you guys fucking again?”

Calum blinked and then looked at Michael, wondering what he should say. Should he speak the truth or just make up a story? He instantly shook his head at the second option. Michael knew him well enough to know when he was lying and when he was not. To avoid spending long minutes hearing Michael’s lecture and then having to explain himself, he might as well speak the truth. “Because I wanted to?”

“Wanted to? I thought you wanted to fix things. Why the fuck would you want to fuck Luke when you know it always fucks things up?”

“I know what I’m doing,” Calum said quietly; deep down, he knew Michael was right.

“Really? Do you really?”

“I wasn’t drunk, if that’s what you’re implying. I was only pretending to be and then, Luke was there and he was drunk and he wanted me to do things to him. I couldn’t help it.”

“You know, it’s called taking advantage of someone who’s not himself, right?”

“What? I didn’t. He wanted me to…”

“I only have three words to say to that: sort yourself out.”

“I will,” Calum sighed. “Trust me.”

That was something that he kept repeating to himself, _‘he’ll sort things out’_ but he was seriously starting to wonder when that would finally happen. No matter how much he would convince himself that Luke had wanted him as well, he still could not forget the look on Luke’s face when he had woken up next to him that morning or the tone in his voice. He had not looked happy and neither had he sounded happy. Luke’s happiness, that was what Calum wanted and if the only way for Luke to be happy was when he was away from Calum, it was fine with him. For Luke, he would even give up his love. It was not that hard and even if it were, he would get over it with time, eventually; time heels everything, it is said.

“Calum, I’m talking to you,” Michael shook his shoulder lightly, bringing him back to reality.

“Yeah? Don’t worry. Everything will be alright… soon…” Calum mumbled as he took a deep breath.

“I hope so… Ashton’s gonna be so mad at you when he finds out.”

“If he finds out, which he won’t if you don’t go barking to him.”

Michael was about to argue when they heard someone clearing his throat behind them and they both turned around. “When did you get here?”

“When you pulled the controller from Calum’s hand,” Ashton said as he walked toward them. “And what the fuck did you do?” he raised an eyebrow as he looked at Calum.

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Because you’re the one who keeps doing the wrong things,” the drummer stated.

Calum frowned. “The wrong things? I’m in love with Luke, how can that be wrong? Wanting someone you love, how can that be wrong? Doing something with the one you love, how can that be wrong?”

“It is when that someone happens to be your best friend, who tends to avoid you, ignores you, acts weird when you’re around and does his best to keep to himself. You’re in love with Luke but is he?”

“He wants me, I know that,” Calum uttered.

“He wants you? Sex has always been the easy way but does he really love you? You’re the only one getting hurt in this, buddy.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do and I’m sure Michael does too. I’m saying this for your own good. I know what I’m gonna say is something hard to do but… maybe you should move on.”

“Move on?” Calum looked at him.

“I know, easier said than done but I know what I’m saying. And don’t let Michael coerce you into doing what he wants. He gets crazy ideas sometimes.”

“What? What did I do? Why are you attacking me? All this time I’ve been trying to reason him and you just come and say these things about me? Why are you always such an ass to me?”

“I’m ignoring you,” Ashton said and again turned to Calum.

“But I’m not ignoring you. I demand an answer,” Michael said firmly.

“Well, you said it yourself, that’s our way of showing our love for each other. If you’ll excuse me, I have more important things to deal with. Cal, you want things to go back to normal right?”

Calum nodded.

“Then you’re going to listen to me and move on, right?”

“Yes.”

**…..:::::…..**

“Robert? I need your advice,” Luke said to himself as he stepped closer to the window and looked at the night sky. “Where are you when I need your help?”

“Get a grip on yourself. So, you pretended to be drunk and had sex with Calum. It was just once and it’s not like it’s gonna happen again.”

“Exactly,” Luke nodded. “Let’s not make a big deal out of it.”

He might be saying that to himself but deep down, he knew how much of a big deal it was. Calum was his best friend and he should not be lying to him, just so he could have sex with him. That was wrong, wrong on so many levels. All he had been doing for months was: bury his feelings deeper and deeper within himself and he felt like he had reached a point where there was a volcano that was threatening to erupt inside of him. If he was honest with himself, he did not know how to deal with that. Heck, he was not sure he was even ready to deal with that. He did not like the thought of that; it gave him goose bumps. He did not want to think about what would happen if ever anyone were to find out. All the walls that he had built around himself were closing in on him and were threatening to collapse; he had to do something about that, fast.

“You could just talk to him, let him know how you feel.”

“No,” Luke whispered and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What am I saying? Of course Calum does not feel the same about me. I love him. But why would he love me?”

“If you don’t ask him, you’re never gonna know that.”

“That’s true…” Luke bit his lower lip as he thought about it. “Yeah, I should do that. The worst that can happen is he’ll laugh at me but that’s alright, we’ll just pretend I was joking and it will all be forgotten in a few days. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna talk to Calum and tell him how I feel.”


	16. I Got Him

Luke walked from the window to the couch and tapped his bare foot against the carpet as he bit on the already short nail of his thumb. He let out a sigh before walking back to the window. He had been doing that for the past half hour, going back and forth between the couch and the window, pacing his room, but he was still not able to make up his mind. His mind… actually, he had already made up his mind, four days ago, when he had decided to talk to Calum and tell him about his feelings but he still had not been able to man up and walk to the brunette. He was scared, scared of what Calum would think or say. He was scared Calum would make fun of him and reject him. That was exactly why he had not approached the older boy yet, despite wanting to. The crossroad at which he was standing, the denial and sacrifice of his love for Calum seemed like a better option than facing Calum’s rejection.

Again sighing, Luke walked to the couch and dropped himself on it. Calum, Calum, Calum… the mere thought of the other boy brought a smile to his lips. There was nothing about him that Luke hated or dislike. On the contrary, there was that little something in him that always made others happy or smile. He was always a great friend and he always knew what to say when they were in doubt and needed advice. Calum was like the best human being Luke knew and he was not saying that because he was in love with Calum. The bassist was the kind of person someone did not have to try hard to like and Luke could confidently say it did not take much for his feelings for Calum to turn into love. However, the big question was: how would he disclose his feelings to Calum? Luke was again realising that saying something was much easier than actually doing it.

“Hey,” Calum said as he entered Luke’s bedroom and walked to where Luke was sitting.

“Hi,” Luke whispered back, his eyes not leaving Calum as the older boy placed a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses on the bedside table. “Hmm… what’s all this?”

Taking a deep breath, Calum took a seat on the bed and looked at the boy in front of him. He cleared his throat while he tried to find the right words to start the conversation that he was dreading. “Vodka,” he finally said.

“I can see that but why?”

“I think after so many, many months, there’s no point in denying that things are not running smoothly between us. Shits have happened and things are not the same between us anymore. I want that to change. I want the old Luke back. I want my best friend back. You have no idea how much I miss hanging out with you. I don’t want it to be like that. I want things to go back to normal.”

“And how’s that gonna help?” The blonde pointed to the bottle. “You know drinking always makes things worse.”

“I know but if drinking is the problem, we’re gonna solve it right now. This started with drinking and we’re gonna end it with drinking.”

“Ok.” Luke nodded quietly.

The moment Calum had started talking, it was like his heart was sinking lower and lower in his chest and the floor was pulsing, like it might open up the next second and swallow him. Calum wanted things to go back to normal? Well, Luke wanted that as well but he also wanted Calum’s love while Calum only wanted his best friend. He was glad he never went to the brunette and told him about his feelings because at that very minute, he was certain Calum did not feel the same about him. His love was only one-sided and despite what had happened between them, he was still only Calum’s best friend, nothing more. Unlike that perfect little place in an imaginary world, where he was perfectly happy with Calum, in real life things were quite different; there was no him and Calum. His love was going to have to be martyred and forgotten. That was the only way for Calum’s happiness, which was his happiness.

**20 Minutes Later**

“Fuck,” Luke whispered when Calum tugged on his bottom lip and stroked his naked sides with his finger pads, tickling him in the process.

“This is so good,” Calum mumbled against his lips before kissing him again.

“Wait…” Luke said into the kiss, causing Calum to pull back and look at him. “I want you in me already.”

Smiling, Calum pecked his lips. “As you wish, Your Highness.”

The brunette shifted and, kneeling beside Luke, he hooked his fingers under the elastic of his boxers to pull them off. Next, he got rid of his own underwear before climbing on top of Luke again. He locked eyes with Luke and slightly thrust forward, rubbing their erections together and teasing the other boy a little more. Groaning, Luke shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Calum’s neck while the other kept thrusting against him. He was desperate for more but it seemed like Calum was not done torturing him in the sweetest ways. In a swift motion, Luke flipped them around so that he was on top and shifted to sit right on top of Calum’s penis. With a playful smile, he rocked his hips and made sure Calum’s length was running along his crease; an action that took Calum by surprise and caused him to let out a moan while Luke only laughed. Deciding to take things to the next level, he opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube.

Without saying anything, he squeezed some onto three of Calum’s fingers and guided them to his hole. The moment the tip of his fingers touched Luke’s entrance, Calum took control of the situation again and rubbed Luke’s hole with his middle finger a couple of times before pushing it in. He then started moving it in and out of the younger boy while Luke closed his eyes and let himself be filled with Calum’s fingers as another one found its way in. He trailed his eyes from where his fingers were disappearing in Luke, up his stomach and chest, to his face. Calum could swear that was the picture of perfection; Luke’s hair was poking in all directions, his eyes were closed, his lips were parted and there was the tiniest frown that would appear on his forehead every time Calum would push his fingers deep inside and curl them. He pulled them out shortly and Luke instantly opened his eyes at the loss but before he could protest, Calum pushed the tip of his penis in him.

Luke let out a loud moan as he let himself engulf Calum’s length; he slid down onto it, little by little, until it was completely buried in him. Biting his lips, he rotated his hips and moved onto Calum’s penis. He set a steady and pleasurable pace and Calum pressed a hand to Luke’s stomach, lightly caressing the skin there, and set the other one on Luke’s hip. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion; the way Calum’s length was appearing and disappearing in Luke, the way Luke’s ass was connecting with Calum’s upper thigh every time he would go down onto Calum’s penis, their hands that were looking for more skin to touch or the little whimpers that left their mouths. Luke leant forward and pressed his lips to Calum’s into yet another kiss. Their lips moved slowly against one another, just like the rest of their bodies, lips gently grazing lips. Then their tongues got involved and the lazy kiss turned into a heated one.

Like the kiss, their bodies followed and Luke moved at a considerably faster speed on top of Calum, who had begun to thrust upward into Luke’s hole. Other than the wind coming in through the open window and blowing the curtain, the other sounds that could be heard in the room were sweaty bodies slapping against each other, gasping and moaning. It was only a matter of minutes before they both came at the same time and they stopped and stayed that way as they tried to catch their breaths. Seconds turned into minutes but neither of them said anything and they lay in each other’s arms on Luke’s bed, relishing the silence. They knew they had to say something to each other but neither Luke nor Calum knew where to start. Finally deciding to take the initiative, Calum rolled them around and knelt beside Luke, looking at him intently.

“I think we should talk,” he said without breaking the eye contact.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Us? What had been going on?”

“Ok,” Luke mumbled.

“Right,” Calum took a deep breath and licked his lips as he tried to find his next words. “Look, I don’t know how this thing started or why it did but I was drunk and you were and somehow we hooked up and I can swear at that point, I’ve never looked at you other than my best friend but it doesn’t end there because you remembered and I didn’t and I don’t know why but you hid it from me but you did and then it happened again and when you finally decided to tell me, it really came out as a shock but I also know I was mad at you because of the way you had chosen to tell me and those things were so…”

“Cal, slow down and breathe. We have all night. We don’t have to rush,” Luke said when he realised Calum was going on and on, without really taking time to breathe. Honestly, he knew he was going to hear some bad news and he was in no rush to hear it.

“Yeah, I know… like I was saying, I didn’t really want to believe, even though I saw the videos. But then Michael said something that made me want to know what else happened. That’s why I asked you for the other video, the one that you didn’t show me. It was… I don’t even know. I was trying to ignore it but despite everything, I could not help but think about it or you. I don’t know how or why but I was being attracted to you. I tried my best to deny it, telling myself that you’re my best friend. I was freaking out, I didn’t know what was happening to me and to top it all, you were avoiding me. I was sad, I was mad, I was annoyed and it was so fucking frustrating. That was when I realised I was in fucking in love with you.”

“What?” Luke stared at him with disbelieving eyes.

“I love you, not just like my best friend but more, so much more. I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted to let you know because if I didn’t, I would have burst or gone crazy.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I was dying to hear these three words for so long, trust me,” Luke smiled. The time was perfect; Calum had already said how he felt and it felt like it was about time he did too. “After the first time we had sex, I was freaking out. I was scared of your reaction, Michael’s reaction or Ashton’s reaction if ever any of you find out. That was why I didn’t say anything and kept quiet when you said you had the most amazing time with some girl. But trust me, deep down, I was fuming, jealous even. Then it happened again and it was so frustrating because everything you did after that kinda reminded me that we had sex. Yep, remember that day on the tour bus when you were having ice-cream and licking your fingers? It was pure torture and it looked like you were intentionally doing it, to piss me off. Then I ran off to the hotel and accidentally blurted everything to Ashton and Michael heard because I’m pretty sure he was eavesdropping.”

Calum laughed. “Why am I not surprised? Michael is always keeping an eye on everyone.”

“I can tell you it was as hard for me as it was for you. I’m sorry I was avoiding you, in my place you’d have done the same. I was at a point where being in the same room as you was unbearable and if our hands touched, it left me wanting more of that, I wanted to feel you against me, have your hands on me, feel your breaths against my skin and kiss you whenever I wanted; I knew that was impossible though. Then I tried to move on but I could not. It was difficult, especially with you around all the time. Somehow, my feelings had crossed the limits of our friendship and there was nothing I could do about it. I fell head over heels for you and it was too late to do something about it. I love you too,” Luke whispered the last part as he licked his lips and looked into Calum’s eyes.

“Fuck! I can’t believe it. We sent so much time avoiding each other when we both feel the same way.”

“We’re idiots,” Luke laughed. “There’s something else I have to tell you. You remember the other night we had sex after drinking in Michael’s room?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, I wasn’t really drunk. I was only pretending because I wanted to feel you against me and that only seemed possible when we’re both drunk. I’m sorry I lied.”

Calum again moved and settled on his side beside Luke. “Don’t worry about it. Actually, talking about that, I wasn’t drunk either. Neither was I the time before that but you could not remember anything so, I pretended not to either. Now that all that have been settled, I only have one thing to say. I love you more than anything that has ever mattered to me.”

“I love you too, immensely.”

They both leant forward and pressed their lips together at the same time, the unopened bottle of vodka forgotten on the bedside table.

“See, I told you he would not listen to you and not give up,” Michael whispered from the slightly open door. “I know Calum way too well and it wouldn’t have seemed right if he did.”

“Fine, you were right and I was wrong. I just hope things are gonna get better now,” Ashton whispered back.

“Things are already better. Can’t you see it? Let’s give these two love birds some privacy and let’s go to my room. These two have loads of catching up to do. Come, my love.”

“Don’t call me that,” Ashton frowned.

Michael laughed as he walked away. “I’m just messing with you. You’re not my type.”

“Good to know,” the drummer snorted.

Unaware of the bickering that was happening on the other side of the door, Calum turned off the lights and pulled Luke into his arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me... i had had a great time, i hope you did too. Love you and enjoy :) xx


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